No brag but I’m doing better. I def spewed -$1000 on non-optimal bluffs and overplayed plays when play beyond tired. And I also didn’t need to lose $700 at 2/5 Zzz
Dreams r coming true but game can always use more work.
Statistics: Posted by freddy — Tue Jan 30, 2018 1:58 pm
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:')
Statistics: Posted by freddy — Thu Nov 30, 2017 12:54 am
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#Chinesemasterraceftw
Statistics: Posted by freddy — Thu Nov 02, 2017 7:06 pm
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Honestly aside from Japan and China for my ancestors we preserved our thousands of years of lineage and culture/etc.... my family's Cantonese/Toisan tongue is pure and unadulterated by outsiders. We do not understand Western religion at all so I don't think we were christianized/ evangalized. My family tree...we came to America willing and brought each family member via willful immigration without colonial/Western religious baggage. We chose to assimilate...don't think anyone forced us. No Laos/Cambodian/Vietnamese refugee shit, Korean adoption into Caucasian family, Philpino war-bride, Thailand/ lady-love-u-long-time-marry-sexpat-foreigner-for-money-immigrate-to-America-shit, I tell people that I'm a "pure bred" Chinese person (100% Han Chinese obv) for shits and giggles when other people tell me their mixed-mutt ancestry/talking about dark-skinned this and that. You can say japan took over for a bit but it didn't impact the culture of my family. British/Hong Kong sure I guess. But my family wasn't there. The Canton adminstration may have learned efficency/order from British adminstration but I never felt British influence from my family. ANd here I am. This is me. xD
So whoa!
Statistics: Posted by freddy — Thu Nov 02, 2017 6:24 pm
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freddy does not get rest of america without our New England aristocratic class structure. idk gfy? he musta learned it somewhere tho...xD
Statistics: Posted by freddy — Thu Nov 02, 2017 6:05 pm
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Upon my internship placement, I found the work a overly repetitive from "clicking buttons" (excel macros) and inputting pre-assigned values and stuff into proprietary systems and in excel at various times throughout the business day. Eventually I had felt the work and workplace to be mundane. If anyone is familiar with the industry, it's a large custodial bank (ticker symbol: STT) for passive investment firms (i.e. mutual funds) along with a small investment/research arm. This type of work exemplified the essence of the 'back-office' work -- where you settle, clear, take account into the accounting of trades/transactions, record-keeping, and custody of various investment securities and derivative schemes. I felt virtually all of the work could be more efficiently automated. Alas for the invention and conceptualization of the bitcoin cryptocurrency and more importantly the underlying blockchain technology around this time.
After my internship, I sincerely felt I should return to school to complete my fragmented education. At this point, I have only completed a high-school equivalency diploma - a G.E.D. (or what is called the HiSET nowadays). It was a program at NEU for urban inner-city kids to remedy their transcript with intense remedial and college study to strengthen their application for transfer. It was, however, not the full-fledged NEU experience. I also felt a disconnect between the Caucasian suburban kids and the pack of minority kids I was associated in the program. Perhaps you can say there was a strongly felt sociological dissonance between on campus. After all, I had grew up and went to school and programs primarily with minorities - as a minority of a minority. In short, I decided to throw away the scholarship for this program and go to community college, only to be berated by my counselor during my review meeting. She said something on the lines that she had a Harvard ME.d and condescendingly patronized me for thinking I'd do better at a CC. My choice was final at the point, and she only further reinforced it.
Now, I stood completely alone. At community college I had to take remedial courses. However, I also felt the environment to be difficult for me to embrace. It was full of international minority students and minority kids from other parts of city and neighboring towns. They seemed pretty ratchet. Shortly into the semester, I stopped showing up and eventually failed my remedial courses along with the introductory German language class. I also took student loans out thinking I could invest it defying the promissory note agreement and generate a monthly income. I took time off and I went back, where I ultimately left again. Five years later I write this post in reflection what life could have been if I had excelled at the opportunity opened to me earlier in my youth. Though, I don't think I can defy my unraveling mental illness and the need to conduct my own research into psychologies, sociology, and philosophy of my life. I followed my own instincts to go my own way and now I'm left trying to figure out the next step.
More revealingly, I loath the corporate environment and I think the organizational structure and culture is due to a disruption, especially when it comes to financial services/finance. where its conservative in nature. People have suggested that I go into fashion, but I feel it's for rich trust-fund kids living in Europe and NYC. IDK. Psychology/MH is becoming a bore for me. I'm kind of traumatized to go back to school, which I essentially stopped going since the age of 12. (I got arrested in bed, issued with a CHINS warrant, and juvenile probation office for not going to school) I'm tired of dealing with non-profit programs who try to help. I'm too lazy to learn how to program/code. I feel this disconnect with society at large, not from psychosis but because of my experiences as an inner-city kid with xyz probs to integrate and embrace society and its diverse ppls wholeheartedly. Perhaps I continue to be a disconnected urban youths that was malsocialized. I suppose I never really had the chance to embrace non-chaotic social relations. After all, I was waxing-and-waning in psychosis. I'm not asking for a safe-space but IDK what to do but I find refuge here.
Statistics: Posted by freddy — Mon May 29, 2017 4:32 am
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If you aren't aware, I have turned 25-years-old recently. It's been over a year as well since I've stayed where I am right now -- living in a mental-health group home, with people of similar MH illness like me. However, while I'm fortunate and grateful of my living arrangement, I am finding myself in a lull of my hometown -- and life in general. Gambling/poker has provided and spurred some excitement in my life, but I'm realizing now that it's going to be a long and tedious grind to chase the EV. The swings and variance is a killer too, even with perfect +EV-making decision-making. I'm sure I'll get better overtime with more study and practice, though the "grind" is brutal. I don't think chasing the EV will ever make me truly happy though. Alongside with all-things-gambling, I've been swindled into becoming a dealer of sorts -- for Texas hold 'them poker and blackjack. It's quite fun and I essentially get paid to socialize and entertain folks at private parties. Sweet gig.
As for the mental-health endeavors, I feel like I would like to wind-down. I've become bored of the discipline. Blah-blah- blah emotion regulation, pre-frontal cortex, cognitive biases, dual-drive theory, etc. I don't know. I feel like I need a new adventure and excitement -- a new chapter in my life. But I don't know what that'll be.
I suppose it's a bittersweet thing now that with supports and helps, I have procured a more stable living environment, peace of mind, and overall more stability. Though, I'm not sure if any of this makes me happy; the lack of chaos. Perhaps I'm discontent with accepting and embracing contentment. I never really had a stable home environment, school environment, nor mental mind. But I have it now. I look back at the challenges and fight with inner and outer worlds and ask; was it worth it? Maybe of my nearly 25 years of existence filled with chaos and disharmony is normalized for me -- that I feel comfortable only in a chaotic world. Perhaps I cannot embrace the idyllic life of peace, harmony, and safeness. Such is the dilemma I face when I'm was at the throes of mental struggle and agony, and being able to clearly reflect back at this juncture of recovery. And can I even call it "recovery" anymore? I just don't know what to make of the newness of this newfound peace and what to do with myself with this tranquil life that has seemingly been marred with such boredom.
Maybe I need to go start a fire. Lol
Statistics: Posted by freddy — Mon May 15, 2017 11:50 pm
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XD
Statistics: Posted by freddy — Fri Apr 28, 2017 9:33 am
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i made it!
Statistics: Posted by freddy — Tue Mar 14, 2017 10:18 pm
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Statistics: Posted by freddy — Thu Mar 09, 2017 8:27 pm
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Since my tournament win and playing online 200NL to 2000NL (yes $10/20NL cash... $2,000 max buy-in) after, I have been doing a lot alongside to poker. Currently I am an RA for a research study. I am now participating in a FDA clinical trial for a experimental/developmental medication called "AVP-XXX" (the X's denote numbers I can't remember). It's suppose to help with negative symptoms. However, since its double-blind randomized placebo study, I could be taking a placebo. Regardless, I do feel that I am a lot more focused and am able to garner sustained attention that results in more mental clarity. I'm less 'stuck" in my head trying to sift through my thoughts and organize them. Perhaps it's the progress I've made in aforementioned cognitive remediation, too. Perhaps not.
Whether we can attribute the source of my progress or not, improved cognitive performance is great as I'm getting into BJ counting now. The counting system is called "Hi-Lo". This be successful in maintain a count and deck estimation, it requires a strong memory capacity and quick information-processing...aka cognitive skills. The biggest thing I am lacking right now is practice and being able to stimulate and number-crunch the anticipated variance and Risk of Ruin (RoR) for my bankroll, which is what I need to estimate for my bet sizing/bet spread. I know the for the structure of the 8D games here, the house has an overall .33% edge against the player. Typically each +1 count favors the player .5% for reference. A negative count would favor the house in addition to the 0 count .33% edge they would have.
For camouflage at the tables, I'm going to go with swagging-the-f-out as a rich Asian kid with an insatiable Asian gambling appetite.
As for seeking the possibility of ligation for compulsive gambling because of Ablify, I have reached out to several law firms specializing in this specific matter. However, I have made it my decision to forgo the pursuit of this any further.
Wish me luck. (not that I need it if I am playing for +EV and not gambling ;))
Statistics: Posted by freddy — Thu Mar 09, 2017 7:25 pm
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Yeahhhh buddy...binked my first $5k GTD
Followed by some high stakes cash and quitting it before shit hits the fan
Statistics: Posted by freddy — Sat Feb 04, 2017 10:33 am
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However,the training only comes to the city every 4 years or so. IRL commitments r scary to think about ><
Statistics: Posted by freddy — Sun Nov 27, 2016 1:29 am
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Submitted op-ed piece 4 the globe
Statistics: Posted by freddy — Sun Nov 20, 2016 11:40 pm
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