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care-tags.org fashion and friends 2020-11-03T14:47:01-04:00 https://old.care-tags.org/feed.php?f=3&t=3 2020-09-30T13:00:12-04:00 2020-09-30T13:00:12-04:00 https://old.care-tags.org/viewtopic.php?t=3&p=89203#p89203 <![CDATA[Re: Feelings]]> Statistics: Posted by surfdude69 — Wed Sep 30, 2020 1:00 pm


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2020-08-12T18:40:40-04:00 2020-08-12T18:40:40-04:00 https://old.care-tags.org/viewtopic.php?t=3&p=89046#p89046 <![CDATA[Re: Feelings]]> Statistics: Posted by can- — Wed Aug 12, 2020 6:40 pm


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2020-08-12T10:49:28-04:00 2020-08-12T10:49:28-04:00 https://old.care-tags.org/viewtopic.php?t=3&p=89044#p89044 <![CDATA[Re: Feelings]]> Statistics: Posted by alby — Wed Aug 12, 2020 10:49 am


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2020-11-03T14:47:01-04:00 2020-08-11T18:40:37-04:00 https://old.care-tags.org/viewtopic.php?t=3&p=89039#p89039 <![CDATA[Re: Feelings]]> Statistics: Posted by CheerUpBrokeBoy — Tue Aug 11, 2020 6:40 pm


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2020-07-30T18:45:21-04:00 2020-07-30T18:45:21-04:00 https://old.care-tags.org/viewtopic.php?t=3&p=88997#p88997 <![CDATA[Re: Feelings]]> Statistics: Posted by brlmski — Thu Jul 30, 2020 6:45 pm


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2020-07-22T12:49:15-04:00 2020-07-22T12:49:15-04:00 https://old.care-tags.org/viewtopic.php?t=3&p=88955#p88955 <![CDATA[Re: Feelings]]> Statistics: Posted by 106-2 — Wed Jul 22, 2020 12:49 pm


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2020-07-22T08:49:34-04:00 2020-07-22T08:49:34-04:00 https://old.care-tags.org/viewtopic.php?t=3&p=88954#p88954 <![CDATA[Re: Feelings]]> Statistics: Posted by brlmski — Wed Jul 22, 2020 8:49 am


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2020-07-22T01:16:17-04:00 2020-07-22T01:16:17-04:00 https://old.care-tags.org/viewtopic.php?t=3&p=88953#p88953 <![CDATA[Re: Feelings]]>
in the past month and a half i've started to really understand and reconcile the emotional pain i had been holding onto and unintentionally putting onto others, and once i was honest with myself about that i could start truly/fully committing to self-love and self-compassion. since then, i've developed much healthier attitudes towards dealing with emotions and life in general, and i feel so much more capable of giving myself to the needs of others.

i saw this in action the other day, when my good friend withdrew from me and i reached out and she opened up to me and i couldn't do anything for several hours but dedicate myself completely to her needs and think about her position and very carefully compose a long message that i hope she'll come back to and read over and over again, the way someone special in my life did for me many times over.

recent realizations - it's not a bad thing to be needy, everyone has needs and deserves attention. my home is in other people, people who feel as safe as alone or safer than alone. to be vulnerable and be treated with true love is a pure joy and a gift, that's what family means to me and that's the kind of love i want to replicate for others.

if the important relationships in your life don't feel like this, give it some thought as to why. evaluate your relationship with yourself, their relationship with themselves, and how these energies are interacting.

i've been writing a lot, journalling and poetry - writing about my experiences has been so insanely helpful, to transform any negative energy into creative energy and find meaning in all that happens to me.

Statistics: Posted by mooncorp — Wed Jul 22, 2020 1:16 am


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2020-07-21T17:18:41-04:00 2020-07-21T17:18:41-04:00 https://old.care-tags.org/viewtopic.php?t=3&p=88947#p88947 <![CDATA[Re: Feelings]]>
Kind of separate but I think the whole discourse surrounding 'emotional labour' to be really toxic in a lot of ways - it's totally a valuable way of analysing our relationships but I feel it misses nuance a LOT. It's sort of sad/telling that it's migrated from discussion unpaid labour in the workplace to our personal relationships imo

Statistics: Posted by 106-2 — Tue Jul 21, 2020 5:18 pm


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2020-07-19T05:24:43-04:00 2020-07-19T05:24:43-04:00 https://old.care-tags.org/viewtopic.php?t=3&p=88936#p88936 <![CDATA[Re: Feelings]]>
i also wish i didn’t feel like a burden every time i ask those people for something

Statistics: Posted by brlmski — Sun Jul 19, 2020 5:24 am


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2020-05-14T11:45:35-04:00 2020-05-14T11:45:35-04:00 https://old.care-tags.org/viewtopic.php?t=3&p=88762#p88762 <![CDATA[Re: Feelings]]>
As far as the minefield goes, you're absolutely justified in feeling that there's a breach of trust, regardless of the reasons for that breach. Trust is something that has to be built slow and slow but breaks real quick. It may come down to an assessment of the emotional health of both of you involved. If you think you're in a secure-enough place personally that you can wait and help her get back to a solid place, and begin re-building the trust at that point, I think you're golden. If you're in a less solid place with regard to your own emotional health you may have to do some soul-searching, cause everyone deserves happiness, and if you can't continue with the relationship while that breach of trust exists, you may want to assess what will make you more happy long-term. I find that a lot of the time this kind of stuff has to be literally felt out.

As far as the general loneliness stuff goes, feel free to reach out if you just need someone to talk to. I've dealt with almost everything you can deal with as far as relationships are concerned (been with the same person for 11 years) and I owe you from way back for introducing me to chapo and starting my journey left.

Statistics: Posted by UnwashedMolasses — Thu May 14, 2020 11:45 am


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2020-05-14T04:35:16-04:00 2020-05-14T04:35:16-04:00 https://old.care-tags.org/viewtopic.php?t=3&p=88760#p88760 <![CDATA[Re: Feelings]]>
the more i re-read her explanation of her decision the more i understand it – i guess in a way i'm another person in her life she feels a need to please by meeting expectations she can't right now, and she needs some time to focus her energy on herself to feel better. i get that, but like you said the last thing i need at this point is more loneliness. the fact that i'm also furloughed from my job with no end date in sight is also not good – it means my job and my relationship are in the exact same situation. it's an uncertain, scary situation i'm sure a lot of people are in right now.

the more i sit and evaluate the situation the more optimistic i am – if i feel as strongly for her as i do, it's because i feel it reciprocated in her and it means that the relationship means enough not to just fizzle out like i sometimes fear it might. what i can't handle is not knowing about the trauma and anxiety she's felt these past two months. I just learned about so much the past week and i'm still trying to come to terms with how i had no idea she was dealing with it. even if the best-case scenario happens and she's feeling like she's in a place to get back into the relationship, i still feel like i'm facing a minefield: i don't want to place undue pressure on her or exacerbate negative emotions from what she's going through, but at the same time i need her to be honest because i don't know if i can trust her after she hid something so serious from me for so long.

Statistics: Posted by CheerUpBrokeBoy — Thu May 14, 2020 4:35 am


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2020-05-12T10:51:42-04:00 2020-05-12T10:51:42-04:00 https://old.care-tags.org/viewtopic.php?t=3&p=88754#p88754 <![CDATA[Re: Feelings]]>
My brother went through something very similar in the past year. He took it upon himself to be his ex's rock and main source of support during a period of great pain for her and ended up making himself and the trauma that his ex felt inseparable in her mind. I, myself, have some experience trying to *be* a significant other's recovery from a mental health issue as well. I found that keeping a close emotional proximity to another's pain, especially in a long-distance relationship, can be very laborious. I'm not sure how it works, but what people call "trauma bonding" is a real thing in some sense.

So it feels terrible to hear that someone who is dear to you got hurt. And if you're like me, you really could go without another reason to be lonely in These Uncertain Times. If I have some advice that I've gleaned from my own personal experience, it would be that framing any change to come from this new development as a "slow, awkward death" would be unfair to your efforts and intentions as a lover (which i'm assuming are probably good-faith). What is definitely happening is a qualitative change in your relations to one another but just because a change happens doesn't mean you are faced with a worst-case scenario or a romantic tragedy.

In some ways this might not be the reply you asked for because I can't tell you the odds of "coming back" or drifting apart, but I feel like I can be of some use if I let you know that not all distance is bad. I think that holding some space open for someone who you love can be an act of great dedication, respect, and maturity, even if it feels counterintuitive. If you can act in a way that you feel meets your standards nd reflects your feelings toward your girlfriend during this difficult time for the both of you, the chances are that the future of your relationship will be something you can sit with and accept.

Statistics: Posted by zevolution — Tue May 12, 2020 10:51 am


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2020-05-09T05:55:20-04:00 2020-05-09T05:55:20-04:00 https://old.care-tags.org/viewtopic.php?t=3&p=88746#p88746 <![CDATA[Re: Feelings]]> Statistics: Posted by CheerUpBrokeBoy — Sat May 09, 2020 5:55 am


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2020-05-03T11:52:04-04:00 2020-05-03T11:52:04-04:00 https://old.care-tags.org/viewtopic.php?t=3&p=88694#p88694 <![CDATA[Re: Feelings]]> Statistics: Posted by rjbman — Sun May 03, 2020 11:52 am


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