by balloons » Sun Jun 15, 2014 6:32 pm
earlier this month, I had finals, my girlfriend sorta-dumped me, and my computer crashed, so I sort of pumped the brakes on thinking about fashion to any extent beyond "what am I going to wear today, oh shit, I have to leave in the next five minutes or I'm late," etc. when finals ended, I was still without a computer so my only source of clothes-related media was through like, instagram and nothing else (following a few brands and a then another few internet fashionheads, so they're sprinkled in amongst real life stuff that my friends/flaxsisters/etc are posting). didn't really check care-tags on my phone as I find it clumsy and much more enjoyable to read when sitting on a couch with a laptop; I can focus better that way. also, without the computer, I couldn't save every image I like. that was something I did before. I had thousands of images saved and sorted into individual folders categorized by the type of garment. like the megafolder that held all the subcategories was a few gigabytes.
additionally, given that I am no longer in a relationship, I've been spending a lot more time with other friends that I had trouble seeing during the school year. they've been pushing me to add the "and ready to mingle" to my singleness so we've been going out every night, hanging out, getting food, going to parties, I went bowling last night, etc. I never realized how much time relationships take up, and that to make that time, I sort of fell out of a few friend groups. now I'm in the process of redistributing all the free time. it's like holy shit, I'm free friday night, I'm never free friday night because she and I would always see a movie/get sushi/whatever, but now I'm free friday night. and I can do whatever, because it's summer and I already took the ACT in april.
the result has been a general feeling of being untethered, which has been really good for me, I think. thinking about things in a much healthier way. used to be a tad neurotic, not necessarily about planning out things just right, but about letting future thoughts inhibit me from, cheesily enough, ~*~living in the moment~*~, and from enjoying what was already in my life. to bring this back to clothing (this is random fashion thoughts after all), something I did/do (it's only been like 2 weeks since finals ended; I don't wanna sound like I've had some magical epiphany and reached enlightenment) was order clothes that I liked and at a price good enough that I could sell them at really no loss if I didn't like them. this would allow me to ignore having to worry about returning them and to order them without tossing and turning about whether or not I liked them enough and how much is return shipping to europe and oh shit what if I don't like it when it gets here because it looks different from how it did in the pictures. however, a byproduct of this method was that I'd have cool clothes sitting in my room, new w/ tags, that weren't being worn because there was some (often minor) detail about the garment that I didn't like. I would be stuck trying to determine if this detail detracted from the appeal enough for me to not want to wear it. and I couldn't take off the tags and wear it out to see if I liked it because then I wouldn't be able to sell them as new and break even, even after just a wear. recently had a fuck-it moment and took the tags off these stonewashed LVC 606s. I wasn't sure about them because the wash was cool and not weirdly distressed, but I was worried they looked too much like mom-jeans and also the inseam is a few inches too long so I'd have to decide if I wanted to just cuff them or get them hemmed (also, they have some cool distressing or something at the hem, so I'd have to get them specially hemmed and find a tailor who can do that). but I just wore them recently. tags are off. rather fond of them. they're not perfect but I'm pretty glad I kept them.
also, without the computer, I've kind of discovered a few things I do like / few things I don't really like. I think the internet was affecting my judgment in a way that wasn't exactly normal to how I feel on my own, if that makes sense. not to say that the internet is some type of evil that corrupts people's opinions and makes you like scoop necks when without it you'd probably prefer a slightly higher neck line, but just that it was influencing me in ways I wasn't really aware of until I spent some time without it. I think exposure to so many different styles has helped to broaden my perspective and make me realize how much is out there, but it also had me trying to sort everything into distinct realms in my mind, and I wasn't sure which realm I wanted to dress in. it's been talked about to some length how trying to label this as dark-americana and that as goth-ninja et al is harmful to experimentation and only serves to limit, which definitely seems to be/have been a problem that I encountered, like many others. ridding of these thought processes has made me realize that I don't think I should aspire to dress into a specific aesthetic but rather focus on how clothes make me feel. not specifically about comfort (this sweatshirt is really soft, etc) but about if I like the idea of wearing this brand, or if for whatever reason this plain black tshirt appeals to me way more than any other, etc. practically intangible reasons that, when closely analyzed, are hard to explain that far beyond "I just liked it more than the other ones".
as I said though, it's only been like 2 weeks without, so I hope this isn't coming across as didactic or anything. it's amazing to me that I probably haven't spent this long without the internet/redit/caretags in a few years. I was never really conscious of how much time I was spending on internet communities, but I guess it adds up. like I'd check mfa faithfully every day or every other day - would never really go beyond a week without checking in. recently I haven't even liked it much there; I've just kind of gone out of instinct.
anyway, to bring it back to fashion again, the way in which things have unfolded for me has been a catalyst for a lot of self acceptance. I'm wearing things with other things I wouldn't have really though to wear before. lot less of focus on brand synergy. on some (most?) days I probably look rather average because I never dressed that out-there anyway but this has been kind of interesting. I wouldn't say eye-opening, but like, it's maybe wiped away a milky film that was over my eyes. or something.
funny thing I feel like a lot of these things (dressing how you feel you want to dress; buying clothes and then actually wearing them) are probably the most simplistic and obvious things that nobody else has really ever had to even figure out. I dunno. I must've been overthinking everything to the point that it was hard to be satisfied with anything.
tho, as I ease myself back into it, all this cool outerwear is calling my name. the OL octopus denim jacket, that one EG ripstop jacket with like 30 pockets, etc. a little hard to justify these high price tags but if it's something I'd wear enough, it could be worth it. I might make an offer on that OL octopus jacket on grailed rn. maybe. I can still be as indecisiveness as ever. also, shit, OL posted and I wanna dress exactly like this except maybe extend those jorts into pants. but otherwise damn, that is a fucking gorgeous shirt, dude. would do that shirt over an LVC 1950s sportswear tee with some ravaged old nudies and beat up cons/pf flyers/etc and be super content with my outfit. I'd even carry a plant with me, just like in the picture!
TL;DR - balloons spends like a few days off the computer, learns how to achieve mediocrity, discovers penchant for succulent-themed outfits
grailed --
instagram --