INTERIOR, A CLASSROOM IN A BOYS GRAMMAR SCHOOL. THE PUPILS ARE BOISTEROUS AND NOISY.
[MR BARTOK ENTERS]
MR BARTOK: Alright! ALRIGHT. THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT. SETTLE DOWN GENTLEMEN. I FULLY recommend you ALL open your textbooks to page fourty ONE which you will notice is titled COS Menswear autumn winter fifteen.
[CLASS HUBBUB SUBSIDES, PUPILS BEGIN SEARCHING THROUGH TEXTBOOKS. SIMON "STAP HARD" STAPPARD RAISES HIS HAND]
MR BARTOK: Yes Simon?
SIMON "STAP HARD" STAPPARD: Aww we've done this one before sir! It's all bomber jackets and what! We already know it sir!
[HUBBUB OF THE CLASS INCREASES]
MR BARTOK: SILENCE.
[CLASS BECOMES SILENT]
MR BARTOK: In an unPRECEDENTED turn of events Mr Stappard is CORRECT. If you will cast your memories back to last autumn winter we DID cover MANY of the items on show here. HOWEVER today we are going to be taking a look at a FEW NEW and perhaps KEY PIECES this term. So if you would all be so kind as to take a casual glance at figure 23a "lightweight cotton suit":
http://www.cosstores.com/gb/Men/Tailori ... .1#c-22755MR BARTOK: A CASUAL suit in what appears to be an LIGHTWEIGHT cotton. Notice however that whilst the trousers are machine washable the BLAZER has been LINED and is thus DRY CLEAN ONLY. Surely a wasted opportunity if ever there was one but perhaps this lining will have allowed them to add some structure to the shoulders to reduce the amount of people who say I'm slouching. A criticism I seem DOOMED to endure. Yes, Mr Syeknom.
JORDAN "MONKEY BUSINESS" SYEKNOM: Why are the lapels so weedy sir?
MR BARTOK: One can only ASSUME that Mr SYEKNOM hails from a land of OBJECTIVE FASHION where BIGGER is always BETTER. If only he'd applied this fitness criteria to his HOMEWORK last week which sadly FELL SHORT of the requisite WORD COUNT. Was there anything ELSE Mr Syeknom?
JORDAN "MONKEY BUSINESS" SYEKNOM: What's the point sir. It's proper futile. Can get Schneider for this much in the Twerper sales.
MR BARTOK: I dare say one CAN MR SYEKNOM but as High Street Studies is a MANDATORY MODULE in this school I'm AFRAID that I will have to CONTINUE to subject you to artefacts such as figure 23b colarless wool coat:
http://www.cosstores.com/gb/Men/Coats_J ... .1#c-22755MR BARTOK: Note the MATCHING TROUSERS we'll get onto that LATER. Also note the FASTENING SYSTEM appears to be MAGNETIC perhaps and the SCRUNCHED UP JUMPER (
http://www.cosstores.com/gb/Men/Knitwea ... .1#c-85350) is MACHINE WASHABLE and only fifty quid. Mr HECKAWHEEL is your hand up or are you stretching?
HARRY "INTERN" HECKAWHEEL: No my hand is up sir. I wanted to say it looks like a Peir Wu ripoff.
MR BARTOK: I dare say that's THE POINT Mr Heckawheel, no?
HARRY "INTERN" HECKAWHEEL: Um maybe sir?
MR BARTOK: maybe INDEED. If you'll ALLOW me to move on to figure 23c colarless wool BLAZER and LOOSE FIT TROUSERS
http://www.cosstores.com/gb/Men/Tailori ... .1#c-22755http://www.cosstores.com/gb/Men/Tailori ... .1#c-22755MR BARTOK: Although not being SOLD as even STYLED as a suit, it seems quite clear that they are INTENDED to FEATURE as one. We are FURNISHEd with a close UP shot of the fastenings on the BLAZER product page. I'm still unclear EXACTLY how such a design might function as I've never used one before. Mr HECKAWHEEL, are you INJURED?
HARRY "INTERN" HECKAWHEEL: No sir I had my hand up again. I was wondering if someone should tell Peir Wu that her designs, styling and even her model poses for the trousers are being knocked off at a fraction of the price she charges.
JORDAN "MONKEY BUSINESS" SYEKNOM: Lapels are really small on that one. Non existant even. Pretty pointless sir.
[BELL STARTS TO RING CLASS IMMEDIATELY BEGINS TO BECOME ROWDY]
MR BARTOK: OK for your HOMEWORK I want you to EITHER write about the differences between all of the AW bomber jackets OR try to find me the ONE product shot on the COS website where a merino wool roll neck isn't being tucked in
[EXIT CLASS, MR BARTOK
Posted: Mon Mar 30, 2015 2:34 pm
