Feelings

[sparkyoriental]

I'm tired of the casual sexism exhibited by my friends, classmates, and family. I'm a computer science and math major, and the interview cycle for summer internships ended recently. I was offered several internships. Some of my classmates and friends have had a more difficult time securing employment. Naturally, the topic of jobs comes up occasionally. Whenever we're talking about jobs, research opportunities, etc., the response I get from my peers is more often than not, "Well it's easy for you because you're a girl." Or, "you get job offers because you're female and there's a lower standard for girls."

I never know how to respond to those comments because is IS true that being female helps since CS is laughably gender imbalanced and some companies deliberately try to hire more women. But I also have a 3.9 gpa, relevant work and research experience, leadership roles, and publications. I have good "soft skills" like team-work, communication, and I'm outgoing and personable.

Is this sexism? It's definitely not the blatant discrimination our grandmothers faced, but in some ways, the latent, casual, and everyday discrimination that people encounter today is more disturbing to me. It's difficult to articulate and goes unnoticed because it is so deeply entrenched in society. It's "not a big deal" and "you're overreacting." I'm just tired of it.

[Renalan]

I was in mechanical engineering as an undergrad. I'll say that there were a lot of under-qualified girls or girls with zero passion/engineering sense/knack for it getting internships/employment. I think it's a fair to say that as a percentage, more women find positions/offers than men in the field.

On the other hand, you do have very impressive grades and anyone with a 3.9 GPA and good personal skills are shoe-ins for internships.

I think it's a really long-term issue at work here. Societal sexism brought this situation about in the first place, sort of affirmative action-employing women in engineering, which leads to the casual sexism/grudges your male friends hold. This in turn devalues the women who actually excel in the field.

[sparkyoriental]

[Renalan]

[charybdis]

On another topic. My cousin texted me to tell me that he bought clothes that fit.

How exactly is one supposed to respond.

Why am I the person to tell this to.

I am having an existential crisis.

Send help.

[sparkyoriental]

[Stingray Sam]

I definitely don't feel like you're overreacting. I find that a lot of people shrug off statements that make overarching conclusions about women or minorities while the same people would get offended if you made those statements about them and whatever social class/race/gender they belong to. I think that in some instances where feminism or some sort of racial integration takes effect and balances out former inequalities that you tend to see a lot of people in the majority feel like they are being cheated out of something due to external forces pushing equality rather than a genuine consideration of all people and choosing the best candidate regardless of race/gender/social class/etc.

[bels]

You know you're effay when you're dissatisfied with zips.

[verilyvert]

[odradek]

[bels]

Broke up with the GF the other day. It was my choice but I don't feel particularly great about it. Feel kind of crappy and confused. Seinfeld led me to believe that breaking up was more fun.

[kyung]

A friend passed away last night. We weren't extremely close, but we were track teammates and I woke up to all of this news that she was gone.

I took a long walk this morning and it scared me how numb I am to this initially. I wasn't the best of friends with her in the first place, but it just seemed so surreal to hear that a person that I interacted with, spoke with, joked around with, was gone. She was a star athlete, a very smart individual, and a beautiful woman. It made me feel very aware of this stone cold concept of death. My dad called me this morning after the news had spread to tell me he loved me. I picked up his call during the middle of my walk and I could hear his voice cracking a bit over the phone. He told me to be careful and that he trusted me. Consequently, a funeral procession happened to pass by at this very moment, and it was almost surreal how this whole scene played out for me. I simply said, "Ok dad, I love you too." It wasn't in an impersonal way, but just an acknowledgement and appreciation for his care.

It was a really beautiful afternoon after a fresh snowfall and I was standing on this big bridge that spans a river near my school. The wind blew around all the loose snow on the ground and made the sun made everything sparkle in this fantastical way. I hung up his call and just broke down right there, knowing that today and for the rest of their lives, someone's parents wouldn't have the luxury of saying "I love you" to their kids.

[seth83292]

Kyung, I know what you mean. One of my decently close friends took his own life last year, and I remember not knowing how to react to it.

I was on the T with my friends on the way to get tapas and sangria when one of my friends called me saying "Did you hear what happened to Steve, he passed away last night". I vividly remember my friends around my laughing and joking around me and just feeling completely confused. He was so happy, so nice and so loved. This must have been a mistake. The rest of the night was a complete blur, because I didn't tell my friends, and I just was sorta shell shocked the rest of the night.

When I had got home, his parents had put up an online memorial where you could write a little message to him and his family, and reading through everyone's memories of him, and writing some myself was so bittersweet. I don't think I cried, but I know there were tears while I was smiling at those stories. I wasn't able to make it to his funeral, being 6000 or whatever miles away, but I hope he is at peace.

It still hasn't completely sunk in, a year later. When I went home for winter break, I thought to myself, "Oh, I should text him and see what he's up to." before remembering.

It was my first real encounter with someone close to me dying. I consider myself very lucky for not having to experience the pain of a close relative dying, and this was a hugely new experience for me. I did not enjoy it.

[SisterRayVU]

Towards the point of sexism or affirmative action or whatever, grades came out last night in school. I did alright and beat median but I hardly beat it by a lot and I don't exactly have a large enough buffer to feel comfortable going into On Campus Interviewing in August. I should be able to do a little better this semester which ought to make me feel alright, but I'm still bummed.

There were a couple black 2Ls (second years) chilling with us and playing FIFA, crushing some beers, and obviously we don't talk about grades aloud, but I think I was pretty clearly sad and sort of lost. It doesn't feel good to be right around the middle. But they were talking about how things work out alright and how it's not as bad as it seems, etc., and I know they were just being friendly (not speaking to me but to us in general) but I couldn't help but think 'Dude, you're black. You could be in the bottom third and you'll have a bevy of job offers. A straight, white male in the middle third can strike-out.'

I like affirmative action. I think it's important. I don't know how this contributes to the discussion. It would not be incorrect to state that they are less qualified. Objectively, they are. That said, they deserve the help. It may not have been earned but it has been deserved. I imagine it is similar with women in STEM except that it sounds like the sexism is a lot more open. I think that adds a layer of discouragement that is absent in a lot of ways from blacks or minorities. I don't know.

[freddy]

[freddy]

[Whype]

Coming to terms with the fact that I've used a relationship with one of my girl-friends for self-gratification instead of an actual friendship. It sucks to see how I've lied and told her how much I cared for her when I really just liked the way she made me feel about myself. I exploited her at an emotionally vulnerable time in her life and I don't even feel that shittily about it. I guess I was just trying to get in her pants the whole time. :/ (How) Do I talk to her about it?
Edit: How tf is a 'relationship' supposed to work?

[starfox64]

so are you broken up or breaking up or what? are these things that she has accused you of or did you come to this conclusion on your own? because if it's not something you guys have discussed then i probably wouldn't just straight up tell her that you were using her just to assuage your guilt.

you should be honest with her but at the same time you don't need to make her feel like shit.

[Bryan]

So like, I met this girl online and we hit it off pretty well, I get her number and all that and she starts flirting hardcore, like she's really into me and all that.

Normally this wouldn't be an issue, but I have mixed feelings about this, I like her, but I dunno if I really want a relationship, I'm a delicate little flower who's legit never been in one, never even had a first kiss. I can't accurately describe what i'm feeling but I guess i've been alone for so long i've become accustomed to it, not talking to anyone but 1 or 2 friends, going on places like 4chan and MFA's GD to discuss my feelings and get advice.

Suddenly this pops up and it seems so, weird. I dunno how to go about breaking how I feel to her. Has anyone experienced what i'm feeling or something similar?

Any and all advice is appreciated.

TL;DR: Very used to being alone, potential partner comes in and I feel confused/weird.

[agvs]

@Bryan you like her. She likes you. See where it goes. No need to talk to her about it right now. Don't let your head get in the way. Of course a relationship will be odd if you've never been in one. Just let it play out.

[chilljin]

im eating 2 waffles covered in honey with crushed snickers inbetween, toasted and its making me feel complete

[odradek]

@Bryan trust other people to not be terrible

[smiles]

I had lunch with daedelus. And he's playing later tonight ^_^

[b4my]

smiles, he used to be the general manager of the college radio station I work at! My friend ran into him on a train once and they talked about the radio, apparently he's really nice.

[Catfush]

I had a math class at 8 this morning and there were obviously a few people that looked like they had just rolled out of bed. However, this kid that sat down in front of me skeeved me the fuck out. He had cat hair all over his hoodie and he smelled like he hadn't showered in a week. I feel like I'm usually accepting of most people, but this guy just grossed me out. Time to sit in the front row!

[ohnodeadchickens]

My sister fainted after her swim practice early today. My parents took her to the hospital to see what happened and it turned out to just be due to dehydration, but Jesus Christ I don't think I've ever been that scared in my life.

[freddy]

I finished my program earlier this evening and when I arrived to the metro feeling ecstatic then I proceed find a $10 bill on the floor. Like shit, I need to wear my glasses more often. I felt too guilty to keep it once I saw the lady that is always bumming around at the station as we had a very good conversation about mental health sharing my leftover pastries two weeks ago and she asked me for .50 last week when I didn't have any cash (nor was I willing to give anything to her), so I gave the bill I just found to her as a one-time thing.

I'd be interest in the learning about the psychodynamics of her life if I bump into her again. She's gonna have to give me some cool and interesting as fuck stories now.

Speaking of street-people, I wonder what happen to Leeroy ;_; He had some cool stories, a nice jizz, and was cool-chill as fuck.

[bels]

how do you rate the feeltalk thread. What would you say is the overal psychic health/status of care-tags?

[jrisk]

ohnodeadchickens, my sister fainted in a piano factory once. we were having a tour and she locked her knees I guess. It is pretty scary.

[anonomous]

I have a really bad case of Impostor Syndrome. I feel so empty sometimes (i know we all do) but the worse thing is i feel incompetent or 'not enough' to everyone else in my life in which i respond by being more generous and helpful to everyone else in my life.