Self Improvement Thread

[IsaiahSchafer]

This thread is for making goal, supporting each others' goals, discussing personal growth techniques, and overcoming challenges.

I've finally seen a psychiatrist to get back on track at getting over a lot of the social anxieties and phobias that make my life difficult. I'm working on finding a therapist too (phone tag + finding someone reasonably covered by insurance that also comes recommended from my psychiatrist)

My psychiatrist has a really nice office and the waiting room had bon iver playing, so she was my kind of person from the get-go. I've got some new prescriptions to address a couple different things and I've also got "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" rented from the library. Just learning about the causes of a couple of the different things about me has been amazingly therapeutic. Would recommend.

So goals for me:

1- Minimize anxiety to the point that I can get a job and travel with my wife.
2- Get better at coming up with clever thread titles

Let's get better!

[vgtbls]

Way to go amikrumping! I have occasional anxiety and it's really awful.

In about three weeks I'm going to see an ADHD specialist. These last few months have been really strange. I know some people are bad multitaskers--I just completely lack the ability. If I'm busy and someone speaks to me, I don't even realize they've said something for a good fifteen seconds. Add that to the fact that my dad has it means it's pretty likely I do. I'm inattentive (not hyperactive), and I'm usually good in school, so I just slipped through the cracks.

I'm not on any medication currently, and I know it's really idiotic to worry about it but I still feel some kind of stigma about... I don't know, "not being perfect"? It's dumb but I'm excited to get help. I know my work habits are lousy, but I think I'll be able to improve on those once I don't have this working against me. And I can finally stop self-medicating with excessive amounts of coffee!

[Prince of Scandinavia]

I've finally stopped trying to dress well, lose weight, work out and what else not in hopes of getting compliments and wows, from people I used to see in High School whenever I visit hometown whenever once a month.

[popcorn]

i lost weight while in denmark because i didn't have anything shitty to eat and the european city model is very good for your legs, so i'm going to try and keep that going, and i'm focusing a lot more on being considerate at all times, in everything, and enjoying every day, because that's what life is about

[freddy]

I'm making new waves in terms of my mental health trajectory. I've sarcastically joked about how I fear that I will retain my persona or at least "internet persona" – that I won't be "me" anymore – and going on with whatnot abstract tangents but it's for the better I suppose. (I think I can still be funny tho, hopefully :/) I've been talking about my at-risk for psychosis and thought disorder sparingly – I have been notified a few days ago that I expedited in queue and they "bumped me up" so a spot has opened up for me to attend a program. It's 2x of four-hour-week group sessions + separate individual therapy/counseling/medication-mangement/psychiatry? It's on the other side of town and the commitment is kind of huge, especially if I continue seeing my long-time weekly-basis psychotherapist as well. The upside is that I hear there's going to be group-cooking on Thursday, 18-30 year olds of about 40 with the most folks be in their early to mid-twenties. I hear they are a friendly bunch as well. I'm going to get a first-visit come this Tuesday!

Hopefully I can be punctual and that I didn't overextend myself; hopefully I'll come out with less Freudian slips and more clear communication as well. And if I'm not internet-doodling on care-tags about incessant irrelevance, it may be a good thing ;)

see u guyz on the other side - and don't be shocked if I come out worse (and/or better) (smiling)

[vgtbls]

[freddy]

So they're trying to figure out if my psychosis is from PTSD or Schizophrenia–my long-time psychotherapist doesn't think it's the latter. However, I do get so stressed-out that I can be hyper suspicious and hyperaroused about things–that I suppose I inadvertently or am torn if I actually "hear voices or not". I get too caught-up in overthinking/mentalizing ('theory of the mind' for you philosophy folks) the possibility if I actually do "hear voices" that I am unable to give a straightforward response rofl - which I suppose takes the evaluation and team aback. IDK but they say that schizophrenia doesn't always have to be about the stereotypical hallucinations of "seeing things" or "hearing voices" - as being unable to discern one's 'internal reality' from 'external, or "real", reality' is enough to suffice. From my quick research and what they've told me, psychosis seems to be a newfound mental health territory that is increasingly emerging in clinical relevance; many kids come through maligned by their parents, school administrators, etc. that they're lazy, entitled, apathetic, misdiagnosed as ADD/ADHD whom are quite frankly undereducated and under-informed. Anyways, psychotic illness is definitely in the affirmative territory for me (which I won't deny, I was reaching there with my psychoanalytic introspective albeit inconclusively- but it's great that it was officially intervened now) from the clinical team, because it is really apparent that it's difficult for me to organize and focus my thoughts - as much as I try. (i'm not dumb or anything..)

So the psychiatrist resident that I'm working with, along with a make-shift drawing of the brain, connected the neuroscience behind how my brain is hard-wired to take-on too much dopamine, my ups and lows, thus causing my psychotic episodes. Being highly aroused and amused, I interjected and told her, "it's like being on co-c-coke... co-cocaine!!" to which she coincidentally was going to use an example! She did correlate to when I first mentioned how it is difficult for to read and interpret/synthesize literal works (wouldn't be able to read the entirety of 1Q84 if you paid me in Junya) - clamoring to them initially that "I have never wholesomely finished reading a book from beginning to end". It definitely explains my "racing thoughts', hedonistic impulsivity, and my inability to properly fall asleep on a scheduled time - perhaps resulting in my lengthy and depleted energy, even at times when I can get 8-12 hours of sleep, even when I want to compose a personal essay of my own sorts - a free-write becomes difficult. I also reminisce to her how I talk to a lot of homeless drug-addicts and friends of sorts - to exemplify how my personality and life narrative has shaped around my now realized physiological/psychological oddity. A cliche "chemical imbalance" if I may say. >:

Anyways, she prescribed Seroquel 25mg just to lessen my psychotic symptoms, but I'm torn about it over these past two weeks because I've been so fucking stressed out about moving back home and whatnot shenanigans I have to deal with. I mean I want to be fully conscious and at least parse around as to what I am exactly getting myself into taking something that is mind-altering and body-changing in some forms; because she is very keen on when and the side-effects that I may report once I take it. My pharmacy is unusually hounding me this long to pick-up my script and I'm still torn about it right now. :/

Does anyone have experience or know of anyone with experiences with Seroquel?

I'm also suppose to meet with a kid that is 7- or 8-years-old whom's mom supposedly has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), whom's dad and half-sister is apart of this home-meeting group that I participate in; they reached out to me in hopes that I could connect and empathize with him as I went to a similar ordeal - as I did share with them my experiences of closing-up and isolating myself as I reached my adolescent years. Hopefully our meet will materialize next week! I went sailing last week - got a membership that lasts until October. Everyone in my program is reasonably intelligent and well-spoken. And non-psychiatric therapist is a real nice personality to work with as well, but I am definitely giving her a lot of blow-back with my over-intellectualization. ;) Anyways because I am receiving services from department of mental health in my state; I get a discounted/disability public transportation card- I suppose this is a bonus as well.

I keep going through life with all these goddamn curve-balls, hopefully it'll make for a nice memoir that I've been touting to others about writing as far as few years ago. It all makes for an interesting narrative though! (smiling)