by chadnik » Fri Sep 05, 2014 4:41 pm
I used to have that same problem with eye contact (still may, but am definitely better than I used to be), where making eye contact felt uncomfortable and just really intense. For me, none of the silly little tricks like "look at the bridge of their nose!" worked for me—I feel like those always come off as odd and obviously not genuine. I don't have any surefire tips for you, but what I did was basically sit myself down and say, "look, self, eye contact is a really important thing, multiple people have told me I need to do it more, so obviously this is something that works for most humans" and basically forced myself to start practicing it in conversations. I definitely had to remind myself to do it many, many times (and still do sometimes), but eventually it has become not only normal but also really important; it helps to rethink eye contact as something people desire when talking as a means of connection, rather than, say, a way of staring you down or making you feel uncomfortable. The intensity you feel when making normal eye contact is probably not as intense for your interlocutor as it is for you—less eye contact is much weirder (of course, staring into someone's eyes directly without a break is weird too, but you get what I'm saying).