Feelings

[bels]

Don't worry about me guys, I'm not sweating redundancy. I think I should be pretty employable these days other than the fact that my most used language is fcking TCL.

Mainly irate about the shares money and I guess a bit irate about the house purchasing impact.

[zayg]

Time to pack for school. I really don't want to leave. I'm really hoping that I don't live with a bunch of bros that trash the place this year (although judging by a few of them being international students, I hopefully won't have to deal with this). Mostly bummed about having to share a room and missing my friends/SO.

[chadnik]

In my experience/observation, an open relationship is not something you embark on at the start of an LDR. LDRs are really hard, and open relationships are realllllly hard, and if you haven't "practiced" either separately the new combination of the two at once is nigh impossible to maintain. I don't mean to scare you or make you feel bad, but I agree with teck that it may just be more realistic/practical to not be in a relationship at all. It may help you let go of some of those feelings of possession and anxiety, too. Take this with a hunk of salt since obviously I don't know the particulars of your situation. edit: but I will say that being into sub/dom stuff should not affect your ability to communicate/have a healthy open relationship, so I think there is something else going on there.

[Blastoise]

Anyone else get weird vibes knowing about the sex life between two members on here?

[brlmski]

pls keep the sex talk in kynlif

[can-]

make a sex tape and post it

[Yoder]

we need more inter care tags sex, i'll get my gf to sign up

[Bobbin.Threadbare]

Someone get an adult.

[Yoder]

c-t changed to 18+, fuck off kids

[Stingray Sam]

I appreciate the advice everyone, but i think i made the problem seem a little bigger than it actually is. Our LDR is going great and our relationship has always been open, though my SO didn't really take too much advantage of it up until now. The problem is that she'll text me hey i'm going to have sex with XYZ, i'll be safe and home by this hour. Then I'll start worrying to myself saying i'm not ready for this, and then start feeling insufficient and that my SO is no longer interested in me. The thing is that i've been through this before and if anything she's feels closer to me and appreciates me more now that she's been with other people. I know rationally that everything will be fine if not better and that my SO loves me just as much as ever but i can't seem to stop the anxiety and low self-esteem. I mean 6 hours later i'm fine, i just need to stop myself from having such a fragile and fluctuating self-worth. Breaking up with her won't do anything except keep my self-worth in that fragile state. I'd much rather have a robust and high self worth that isn't subject to extreme fluctuations than to lose my SO. I don't really think that there are any problems in our relationship, our communication is stellar, we both feel the same way about each other, we both understand that this is a problem for me and we've both been through much more difficult things together. The problems is purely on my side and probably stems from not developing much in terms of actual self worth and confidence during high school due to my untreated depression. For instance I didn't really think that anyone would find me attractive or that i was especially likable until I met my SO. I just need to talk with my therapist about techniques to stop me from getting in those moods in the first place and take the time to make myself feel good about myself. I don't want to spend my entire life trying to insulate my psyche from anything that might harm it, i want to move past my issues and illness and live a normal life. How can I do that if I just run away from problems like this? Besides both of us really enjoy the relationship and hope to be in it as long as possible.

Edit: to be clear when I was asking advice in my comment above it was more asking for advice on how to build your self esteem. I do enjoy this aspect of our relationship though, I enjoy be able to hit on people and not feel guilty. I enjoy the prospect of freedom it allows me and I don't think I could go on that long with out sex anyways. Unfortunately I haven't been able to take full advantage of this aspect of our relationship, but I've also been incredibly busy.

[UnwashedMolasses]

If a situation is making you uneasy and possibly triggering underlying self-esteem issues the solution isn't to just press on blindly. Nothing will make it harder to address and fix them than constantly re-aggravating them by maintaing the open relationship. If your relationship is as good as you believe it to be then your SO will understand what you need. Keep the relationship steady so you can help yourself and open it back up when you're both ready.

[chadnik]

I don't think it's only about self-esteem issues, though. Sentiments like "at times i even find the idea [of an open relationship] attractive" and "I do fairly well until anything comes with sex/sexuality" are not good ones to be predicating an open relationship on. You have to be comfortable, on a level that is more than abstract, with your partner having sex/sexual relationships with other people. If you are not comfortable with these things, that does not mean that your or your self-esteem problems are necessarily to blame—it just might mean that you are not comfortable with an open relationship after all. And that would be fine. Idealized desires and beliefs—things that seem like they would be "practical"—are often very different from lived experience and its accompanying emotions.

I think it is completely possible to have a healthy open relationship but it takes being realistic, introspective, and honest with yourself and your partner about your expectations from a romantic relationship. I know this sounds like a death knell, but I don't mean it to be. I just want to stress that open relationships are not for everyone, and require explicit discussion of expectations and feelings—however you define that. You could try coming up with some ground rules: e.g., do you think it would be better if you didn't talk to one another about your sexual encounters with other people, or limited the descriptions somehow? Or limited your encounters with other people to certain acts? Or a certain frequency? I agree with UnwashedMolasses that temporarily closing the relationship would be a good idea to help give some space to figure these things out.

[asianfuntime]

have honestly been enjoying life for the past 2 weeks.

high school has been generous so far on homework, but besides that it's been good. school is out for 5 days so that's always a plus (smiling)

I hope everyone's been having fun the past few weeks.

bonus slav with the squaaaaad today

[Stingray Sam]

I've been in therapy since mid-janurary and on wellbutrin XL since early february. My depression is a fraction of what it used to be and the only problem i'm having now is the occasional intense mood swing, like these couple of instances of my SO having sex with other people.

[Blastoise]

Being 100% real. I really like this place. It's one of my favorite communities online. I think it's great that I can come here where I share a hobby with a lot of other cool people and just hang out in general. I feel good about being a part of the community and contributing. But when I'm being criticized for sharing my opinion like I have been I really don't feel welcome here.

[ramdomthought]

the only thing i hate more than being negged is when people are passive aggressive

[Blastoise]

how am I being passive aggressive in the slightest

do you know what being passive aggressive means

it has nothing to do with internet points, I really don't care how many I have or if I have any at all, you're missing my point completely

[ramdomthought]

i'm being the passive aggressive one

do you know what that means

just tryin to poke some fun

[neon]

, as someone who has been on meds for depression before and dealt with the recovery aspect, I'd caution you to not dismiss run of the mill emotions as side effects of depression meds. It's weird having mood swings, but sometimes it's feelings and legitimate emotional reactions to the world around you.

I understand you're dealing with a bunch of different stuff right now, but mood swings != feelings and i think it might help you to keep the distinction in mind

[Blastoise]

just wondering, did she have your consent before the first time it happened? Or did she admit to it after? Despite saying that you're relationship is open it really doesn't sound like you're cool with it. It seems like your reaction to what happened may be displaced by your feelings for her. Before she goes off again you should really talk to her and ask if she can wait for a short while so you can sort yourself out and figure out how you're actually feeling. If she has the same feelings for you she would respect that and try to cooperate with you.

[Yoder]

Personally the hardest part of a long distance relationship was the lack of physical intimacy, both sexually and just being able to talk in person. My gf is a strong believer in monogamy so while discussed an open relationship was never really considered, but I don't think I would have handled it well if it had happened. Jealousy is a treacherous emotion.

[freddy]

One of my biggest gripes about not picking up my Serqouel is exactly that - it's been like three fucking weeks that I have yet to pick-it-up :/

And at 25mg it isn't suppose to affect me to much mood-wise - more-so it's suppose to help me get regular sleep and not be an insomniac by balancing out my dopamine/releasing histamine.

But another part of me feels anxious and insecure because it's going to fundamentally change something apart of me; like i'm going to "lose my self" and lose an aspect of control. I suppose it's the typical anti-medication thing that many folks deal with. I know it's going to help, it's suppose to slow down my "racing thoughts", I understand the neuroscience behind it but I suppose the emotional part is stopping me. Like it's a scary thing to think that you're relinquishing some sort of control and let the pill take over. IDK It's like when u have a bad high and get paranoid.

And because I have yet to let the meds work it through and tame my thoughts/emotions - my first-episode psychosis/schizophrenia program doesn't want to start me in their specialized therapy or family therapy with my mom because of the hyperarousal of emotions that can thwart/counter progress. I mean there are plenty of folks in my program whom are zoned out on meds, but IDK. And like this my thoughts keep going nd rambling on and on and on with edits and more edits and on ..

Does anyone else have same feels when they first started on prescribed meds even for just depression/moods? ? :S

[jrisk]

I had a 90 day evaluation at work this past week and my boss said I had an "endearing personality" and was very pleasant to work with. My internal reaction was wtf?? Am I really that of a goody-two-shoes person? My coworker gave me "advice" about going over my gf's house for dinner and then added that i was a parent's dream bf for their daughter so I won't have to worry. goshdarnit, I feel like I'm being labeled Nice Guy. it's been a kind of sudden realization, finding out how people think of me. I'm probably not going to ever be the cool and aloof person I've always wanted myself to be.

[ramseames]

Watching dudes on fixies struggle up hills with their one-size-doesn't-fit-anyone gear ratio is endlessly entertaining

[zayg]

Moved into my new townhouse. 10x nicer than last years and actually CLEAN. Haven't met every roommate and the person who shares my room hasn't moved in yet, but everyone else seems awesome. Super clean freaks and cool so far. Kinda stoked.

[eufemism]

that awesome feel when the girl you like doesn't even remember your name

[sweeeeeeeeeeet emootion]

decided to go to university in the end

scrolling through my fb and seeing people on my friends list be like 'yay so happy i got the job at the bank', it's like yeah you'll be more money than me for a bit but i really don't wanna turn into a typical 'family man' in my hometown. i know this makes me sound like some edgy 16 year old henry rollins wannabe pop punk vocalist, but i'm happy they are doing what they want as well =]

[freddy]

Well isn't the point of Serqouel to regulate dopamine and because of the how the medication targets things, it also causes anti-histamine release which causes you to be drowsy and restlessness? - however, that's what folks have been telling me by taking it; it's to also help me to fall asleep! So I suppose it is a nice unintended consequence?

Unless you're talking about psychological dependency, if my neurochemistry is out of whack and I can't fall asleep at an consistent time, then I suppose there's a legitimate need for taking it? - if they don't need the the full effect of the drug, why can't y'alls just switch to melatonin or sleeping pillz? I've only been prescribed to take it at night because of this, and it's at the lowest dosage - which from what I hear that it pretty much won't be that effective in combating symptoms as it will essentially act just about like a sleeping aid. At least for me. :S

[JtotheWhat]

Pretty excited.. It's been 2 months since I left Seoul and my girlfriend, and she's coming here on Saturday for a 5 day visit...It's not much but it's all she could get off of work at the time and it means a lot to me that she would spend 2 grand and all that travel time to come to the middle of nowhere Canada for 5 days. A little nervous about her meeting my nutty family but overall excited.

[freddy]

Great. I took that damn Seroquel (I was too lazy to cut it in half for my prescribe dosage) and suffice to say, it knocked the wind out of me. And now I woken-up to a semi broken screen on my laptop on the floor.