by freddy » Tue Sep 16, 2014 3:11 am
I think I have the same problem with you BiGBEE, I think we relate pretty well at the meetup. maybe ur just in the wrong social environments at the wrong time - if u were in the inner-city, you'd totally fit in with your fucking gear and ppls would embrace u. baggy jeans, af1s, and tnf, and more sneakers? c'mon my du - sounds like suburban problems to me really.
Like, I don't like none of that Supreme shit that I grew up with kids around me wearing. IDK I dress somewhat "neatly" and have had aforementioned qualms about "what if my life would be if I went to prep school". I was the first to wear skinny H&M jeans and get into the whole fashion conscious thing beyond the streetwear level. So in turn, I don't really fit in completely with my crowd, because I in a way outcast myself. It's a real double-consciousness and cognitive dissonance to bear. I a bit more intellectual and studious and outwardly somewhat compatible with "non-ghetto" folks that keeps me at odds, than the cats I know and associate with.
For me, I can't really get approval because I don't and will never fit into the clean-cut prep school type of jizz. I come from an ignorant self-destructive ratchet hood politically incorrect culture, it is my default state of thinking, where I try to incessantly overcompensate by being and appearing "normal". But sometimes it's just second nature to talk like a Idiosyncratically like a "retard" and say dumb sarcastic derogatory shit because such world did not encompass so much vocabulary/literacy/articulation, where we have euphemisms and short-hands for everything.
I have the biggest anxiety with typical meet-ups because of this, because not many of y'alls come from such social background and relational dynamics that I have - despite coming together online in this shared community. It's hard on me too, sometimes. The place of the meetup can be stressful too for me because the crowd is completely the antithesis to the world I revert back to IRL. TLDR wearing Barbour and LVC gives me anxiety/double-bind-feels whichever direction I go. sometimes I just want to quit internet fashion because I just want to go back to being me without the incompatible hiccups and misunderstandings! :/
Thanks for letting me piggyback on your feels, its great to get it off my nutz, deez nuts motherfuckas