Feelings

[smiles]

humm dwindling.

i wouldnt say that piece by molly soda is completely worthless. think about it vis a vis the anonymity of the internet. People write those questions to her without really connecting it to an actual person. when she repeats them back she puts a face to the hurtful (or complementary or whatever) things that people are saying.

also the fact that it took her like ten hours to go through all the questions says something about internet culture/fame

but no, i would definitely not pay 1600 dollars for it, especially when you can watch the whole thing for free on youtube...

[charybdis]

You know, I hate it whenever people look at abstract art (or anything that looks simple on the face) and say shit like "a 3rd grader could do that" but at the same time I think that while your explanation is very evocative and it's an interesting idea in terms of its originality, if you look at it another way, it's just Kardashian level self absorption with or without the self-awareness. My friends and I were talking about it and one of them said "I guess with art and capitalism it's all about contextualizing what you do."

(I don't really know who Molly Soda is, but I assume she probably solicited questions for the project and thus I wonder if you can say it's indicative of anything? Although maybe you could say that all the people clamoring to be in her video by submitting questions are indicative of something?

Maybe I just dislike nose rings and that's why the entire project makes me uncomfortable.)

[smiles]

[soundclip989]

[hmwut]

i sent in the last of my transfer applications yesterday. fuck.

the last year and a half of my life has been working myself out of a hole that i had progressively dug myself into the five years before. in a weird state mentally now, as the last 18 months of my life were intense enough that now, when i finally have a moment to breathe, i am suddenly confronted with the realization of how much my mindset has changed. it's not so much what's changed in what i value/etc that took me off guard, but the fact that it had changed so much and I hadn't even fully digested it up until now. I had been so focused on the exterior of my life that i had lost touch with what's going on in the interior. even writing this is strange to me, i have had so many emotions and thoughts walled off in order to focus on keeping my life from not going to shit and they're coming out now.

i was an irresponsible shit going through high school. focused on hobbies, didn't do schoolwork. bad grades. and through a combination of not wanting to do what I was applying to college for halfway through the audition process and having a miserable gpa, i didn't get in anywhere. so i went to county college, which is where i've been for the entirety of being an active member on mfa/fashion forums. my first waywt post was from my first day to county college, hehe.

so time went by. classes were good, and so were grades. i worked hard, because there was nowhere else left to go. i gained alot of responsibility through that span of time, and i'm glad for it. it was necessary. but now looking back, i had really been in a shitty state, barely managing to function. failing so miserably in the application process, and having to stay home while all my friends left was not easy to come to grips with. exhausted and at the same time restless, melancholy(especially in the beginning), and constantly doubting. thankfully, i had my girlfriend's company, so it was not nearly as bad as it could have been. she was everything to me throughout this, and i am so fucking grateful because i had been real shitty to her my senior year of high school. she was an angel to stick with me.

now i wait for college responses, and become more familiar with who i am now. some of the changes are minor, some are a radical difference. i enjoy spending time with my family more, don't enjoy driving fast as much as before, am more responsible and less selfish. it feels like i've matured a good amount, and i am deeply satisfied with that. it's what i needed out of this whole tenure. finally, i have attained of the end goals, now i just need the other one. one acceptance, and i'm happy. college is going to be amazing, and I plan to make the most out of every second living on campus. the wait is terrifying. i'm trying to stay positive and hope for the best. otherwise, i feel like i've taken a 100 lb pack off my shoulders. now i just need to keep up with school work, relax, and wait for the next significant phase of my life to come.

sorry for the rambling, didn't realize i was gonna write this much.

one last thought: mfa was really valuable to me. it kept me occupied, working at something constructive and really enjoyable. things got muuuch better as time went on, but in the first few months of county college i didn't have much happening. so i contributed to mfa, and got to meet some cool people through it. like you guys. i have learned alot from alot of you. so thanks. you helped a loser on his computer in his parent's cellar look dope. i'm grateful for that.

[Bobbin.Threadbare]

soundclip, what medium do you use? My father is an artist too and I've been into it my whole life.

I don't want to insult/mess with your process, but I think you might find something interesting in using razor blades instead of fingers/brushes. It works best with oil, and dries slow, but looks brutal.

[soundclip989]

[teck]

sound, dwindles i love talking about art! man, though, i really don't like that Soda person's piece. there's a cultural trend, within and outside of art, contending with the concept of "awkwardness". There's even an MTV show about it. I would almost argue 'awkwardness' to be the emotion of this decade. i once saw a piece where the artist just projected, over a large screen, videos of himself from his childhood along with videos of him getting a blowjob from an old man he met over craigslist (the artist himself is about 24). Afterwards, he flashed a strobelight at the audience. it was all about awkwardness, the artist claimed, but i think it was really about him not know what the hell he was doing. to this day it was the only piece i've ever walked out on. to bring it back, there's a trend in art and media to explore your innermost fear, and to not flinch at it, despite it being broadcast to dozens or hundreds of people. its very internet.

i got this scholarship at a comedy school (like an improv school) but i was told last week by the registrar that i didn't use it in time and now the scholarship is gone. it really pissed me off. i have an anger issue.

[bels]

What? A comedy scholarship? Are you saying you had a free ticked to clown school and you blew it?

Can't believe you squandered your future like that Tek. Can't believe I've never even applied for a comedy scholarship. Can't believe you can make a living getting blowjobs from craigslist. In a state of disbelief rn.

I'm going to go look at a house in a bit. I sort of hate this town but I feel like I'll inevitably end up living here.

[can-]

move to detroit w me Bela

[bels]

Are you trying to make a film about what happens when the two whitest people on earth move in together and then get robbed?

[RycePooding]

Nahhhh Detroit is cool, gets a bad wrap, but there are some really cool parts of the city.

[can-]

Area man says Detroit gets a "bad wrap"

[bels]

Wrap looks good though? What's the problem here?

[RycePooding]

Sometimes people put some roasted veggies into wraps that just shouldn't be there, looks like that might be the case here.

[charybdis]

[soundclip989]

[teck]

Munch's work is great because there's a real vulnerability there, which is interesting and brave. it's also a little subversive and risque. The critique i have about the brand of awkwardness being bandied about now is that there's a denial of this vulnerability, as evoked by the #nofilter of twitter and instagram. if nothing embarrasses you, if you're never ashamed, if you're never awkward because everything you do is constantly being transmitted, where's the vulnerability? its shocking without the depth.

also i dont know alot about art i just look at it a lot and have uninformed opinions.

[odradek]

things can have a good message and still be shit art, though. things can be shit art, have a good message and be good art, too. i'm not going to try and draw a line in the sand of how it should be or even how i feel about it, but i know deep in my core that interior semiotics is a heaping pile of shit with no redeeming value and howard finster made good stuff

[Bobbin.Threadbare]

[sknss]

[hooplah]

sorry to interrupt but i just need to get this first world problem off my chest

although i thoroughly relish the holiday season and the vacation i get between christmas eve and new year's day, this time of year is always really stressful for me. i am incredibly close with my parents and i don't get to see them nearly as often as i'd like, so i always want to try and spend as much time with them as possible when i go home for the holidays. however, my friends and i are hardly ever in the same place at once (we're scattered across the coasts) and i want to spend as much time with them as possible, as well. so it becomes this week of being ridden with guilt for choosing parents or friends, culminating in the ultimate guilt-fest that is new year's eve/day--do i go away with my friends and lose several days i could be spending with my parents, or do i forego new year's plans and spend it with my family. last year i got shit-faced drunk in san francisco and managed to drag my sorry still-drunk-and-simultaneously-cripplingly-hungover ass to the train at 8am to be home in time to join in on family festivities on new year's day. this year my friends want to do a cabin in tahoe, so i would probably have to say goodbye to my parents several days early and fly from tahoe back to los angeles directly. or something.

i am so torn

[Bobbin.Threadbare]

For us mother/father-lovers we're blessed with both of those days. I always spend xmas with them and NYE out with mates, and I think that's the general consensus?

[freddy]

went to whole foods last night to buy muchies and I ended up noticing that it wasn't on sale when it clearly was on sale because i saw it was on sale. so the du called the supervisor emily (p cute, my height, bubbly personality, kinda jcrew/barnwell fit) and I walked her to the isle and showed her the on sale tag and we walked back and instructed the du to override and give me free munchies because you get the 1st item free if they fucked up and charge you more than the list price. why can't this happen when i cop online shit eli5

[hmwut]

GOT INTO COLLEGE BOOYAH MOTHERFUCKERS

[smiles]

Nice!

where at?

[bels]

Why don't you do one year with your parents one year with your friends Hoops? Seems like the current system is very draining.

[ramdomthought]

fucking bizarre, searching for a pastebin and finding several others with your name you had no idea existed

[hmwut]

[sknss]