Feelings

[birdman caw]

My mom is about to split with her boyfriend of ~10 years, who also happens to be her landlord (they don't live together though). He's expressed that she's welcome to stay in her apartment which is good, but what gets me is that she feels like the last 10 years of her life have been a waste. She moved across country to be with this guy, to a city I don't think she completely likes and offers little in the way of career opportunities. I think she made the right decision to move, as her life kinda sucked where she was, but it hurts to see her drifting. She's 60 and in good physical and mental shape, but it's clear age is kinda creeping up on her and she's scared and though she has enough money saved up to last her probably through the end of her life she doesn't know where she's gonna go next, or if she can even afford to go. 3/4 life crisis I guess? The hardest part of having divorced parents I think is growing up knowing that their safety nets are substantially reduced. And that all their future relationships might feel kinda conditional. I thought I got past a lot of this anxiety years ago but just in the past few days its come back, albeit in a much more manageable state, which I guess means I'm improving. And maybe she is too.

But at the same time I feel like I'm not improving. The restaurant I wait table at just blew up (in the positive sense) and for the past month we've been super understaffed and insanely busy. Which makes for good tips but it wore us completely out. For a long time I thought I was improving mental-health wise from the pit I was in ~3 years ago, but this past month I felt like I stagnated or even regressed. Crazy stress dreams all night every night and crazy fits of nausea and just general anger and irritation towards everyone and myself. I'm just now getting out of it and it's exhausting. BUT I guess I'm also dating this really cool and beautiful and weird girl and it seems like things are going well and work has also calmed down and we're no longer shortstaffed and I'm saving up most of my money (self care???!!?!?) to put towards grad school and to support my mom if she ever needs to move and to maaaaaaybe go to Japan again sometime in 2017? And my personal writing projects are progressing at a good clip so...

I don't want my parents to be back together, but I wish they were geographically closer to me so I could talk to them more and learn from them more. I love and respect them both so much but I feel isolated and distanced. They're gonna be pretty old sooner than later and when the time comes for them to pass I just feel like there'll be a lot of regret on my part and on theirs. I don't want that to happen.

sorry if this hasn't been too coherent

[radicalbusiness]

My friend's (best friend of an ex) little brother just passed away. Killed himself with a gun after taking acid apparently. He was a junior in high school.

Wrote my ex a letter expressing support and donated a bit to the family's gofundme and now there's pretty much nothing for me to do to make anything better. It's just unbelievable how quickly things can change. This person was not a major part of my life by any means but damn is that gaping hole palpable in the eyes of the people he knew. So awful to see people go when they are young. My heart goes out to any of you who've lost someone unexpectedly. blessings

[bouquet]

I think my grandma is only a month or two away from passing away as a result of complications from a lifetime of smoking. However, she's still 100% cognizant and aware of her surroundings, not senile in the slightest. Anyways, she called me last night and cried to me on the phone and kept telling me over and over again how much she loved me and how she wasn't ready to go yet, how she still had things to do. I tried my best to be reassuring and comforting but we both know that her chances of making it through the winter are fairly low.
Up until then I had been in a sort of self-denial about the whole situation; she's been around my whole life and I guess it just seemed like she always would be. Now it's hitting me real, real hard and this is the first time in my life I've had to deal with something so fucked up and dark. I don't know how to handle it.

[shar pei]

[Bonobonobo]

Rear-ended someone today, only a couple months after getting my license :(. Entirely my fault, thankfully neither of us was hurt and their car was barely dented. Don't think I broke anything major but that's probably like two weeks' worth of money from work going to this stupid mistake.

[CheerUpBrokeBoy]

.

[shar pei]

im crying so much i don't want to get possibly deported due to my student visa because im not seen as an asset for america

i can't think of or say anything much further for now, i'm just in panic and shock and i'm too dehydrated and exhausted to function further

[sknss]

Everyone take a deep breath.

[Cowboy]

Today a tagger has passed away.

was one of the younger people to have passed through this community, and one that I considered a good friend. We were part of these group chats with a bunch of others who are here or were in the past, and we spent hours upon hours for months on end just talking. This is someone I can say with full confidence that I knew, someone who existed outside of the screens, someone who I considered kind, interesting, and immensely personable. There is no doubt that at certain points we had differences, but the formative nature of the time, I suppose for me if not all of us, gave me the chance to take those differences, or those moments in which we were enjoying each other, and become someone different and better because of them. I have spent hundreds of hours with Gabe, and only a few times can I say I spoke to him. Those few times, the Skype sessions I enjoyed so much, that I loved each time, were always a blast, and you were a great person to get to know through the screen.

I remember now that Gabe would help me with homework sometimes. He was a fucking genius, and he was always always working.

In many ways I feel disingenuous writing these things. Do I have a right to speak to someone as if we were inseparable, or close as can be? I don't think so, but I like to think that in the time we had where we spoke for the sake of speaking, he had fun. I know I did. You deserve to be recognized and cared for by all. You deserve to still be amongst us all.

I tear up now knowing that a good heart has passed, and Gabe, as small as we were to each other, I thank you from the deepest parts of my heart for being yourself, because you were a joy.

[BIGBEE]

Rest easy gabe. I count skyping and group chatting with you as some of the most carefree times ive had in years Wish i could have said this to you while you were alive.

[iralanwitnuk]

Rest in power, Gabe. You were one of the few people on this world who was nice to their core. The months that we all spent on group chats and just talked about whatever stupid stuff or just talked was some of the best memories I've had with people on the internet. You made all of us into better people, and I can't thank you enough for the impact you made on my life. I'm not religious but I know whatever deity there may be is sure to put you in a much, much better place. I hope I can be half the man you were in your all too short life. Goodbye man

[freddy]

[freddy]

[Dobwin]

Moving to Brooklyn soon.

Can't take this city anymore, it's so small and tight-knit it's impossible to make new friends. The ones I do have never want to hang out, they just spend all their time at home with the girlfriends. I've texted them 5 times inviting them to grab food or drinks after work, and they never come out, or offer up alternative times / events.

Also, the startup I was working for ran out of money, so there's pretty much nothing left for me here in this town. Most of my freelance clients are out of New York anyways, so it makes more sense to move there than fly down for meetings.

/rant

[can-]

come to bushwick it slit

[Copeland]

...

[starfox64]

[Dobwin]

[finolino]

man, i hate having aspergers. for the countless hours i was pulled out of school for therapy to help deal with it since kindergarten, i really thought i had it under control for the first time my life but since 80 hours ago i've realized apparently not. this really sucks

[surfdude69]

i have no friends. i cut off the last friends i had in my hometown because they are racist, sexist arseholes and i would rather be alone than to associate myself with people like that. i get a very strong feeling that my flatmates don't like me and i'm just a burden on them, and that isn't even my anxious state of mind, i just know it. every time i go into uni i feel like i'm on some sort of emotional connection to my tutors, but then i remember they are my tutors, they are there to do a job, i am paying for their services, and they will never be my friend

[plaidappendix]

really kind of lost it thinking about climate change the last week. I realize that the situation is pretty grim, but I've always had a tendency to have bad anxiety about apocalyptic scenarios.

An existential crisis followed that, where I was feeling very alienated from the world and the people around me.

But Ive been doing alright since then.

[sunblam]

boy "can't go out for the next few weeks" but also won't stop apologizing about it
i am confused
someone please just d8 me, i'm very nice.

[sunblam]

Nah dude, datin should be personal.

[ASTROCHIMP]

.

[ramseames]

Ask her out

[ASTROCHIMP]

.

[ramseames]

Just do it

Unless the other dude is her boyfriend (doesn't sound like he is) he doesn't change anything on your side

[ASTROCHIMP]

I, along with my group of trusted friends were wrong. Got turned down, feels bad man but I'll move on.

[windowflowers]

college relationship stuff is stressful

memes are too fucking real

[popcorn]

small college was not actually a good choice