All is Full of Love

[bels]

I don't put out unless she ignores the phone entirely.

[anonomous]

well she did ignore it entirely after that so does that count?

[bels]

Sure, why not.

sounds promising either way anon. Are you going to see her again?

[anonomous]

well i have not planned anything yet but surely. Things are going quite well i guess! As we were arguing over who's gonna pay the bill, i told her she can treat me next time and she replied, "So that means we have to go on a second date!"

[teck]

my god young people dating sounds so complicated.

[odradek]

you don't get to break up with me and then send me text messages going "oh bloo bloo bloo i miss you." fuck you.

[bels]

Nothing absolves the guilt of a breakup better than acting like you did it by accident.

[schiaparelli]

the guy i am currently dating wore a norse projects knit to dinner last night and had /r/nba open on his computer. he also owns a hell of a lot of uniqlo
how many sartorial clues do i need to be terrified that he's actually met me on /r/mfa?

[charybdis]

Post to GD like everyone else. I've always been a proponent of naming it ~*~*~MFA missed connections~*~*~

Why would you be terrified though?

[iffe]

maybe he's dochopper

[odradek]

[charybdis]

I feel like there's some context I'm missing.

[fechner]

I was with this girl last Friday and we were hitting it off. After going on a late-night walk, we got back to her dorm ended up lying on the ground and talking for a while. We started cuddling a bit and I went in for the kiss but she pulled away. She apologized and said she really likes me but things are complicated between her and this other guy. We ended up sleeping adjacent to each other and briefly talked about the aforementioned complication. What I was able to gather from her explanation is that about two years ago she began a relationship with a guy from Germany (an exchange student?) and he moved here partly to be with her. Things between them haven't been going well for a while now. She only sees him once a week at most and when she does he ignores her. She said she wants to end things, but apparently her family assists him in a pretty major way (e.g. letting him stay with them for extended periods of time) and she would feel bad cutting him off from this support system built upon their relationship.

Anyway, it all seems like trouble with capital "T". Part of me thinks I should cut my losses and get out of it now but another more compelling part of me likes the way she holds onto me like she's afraid of drifting off into space.

[bels]

Sounds like a recipe for heartache. Go for it just don't let it destroy your life.

[sid3000]

does his work have a human resources department? theyre designed to take care of this type of stuff. if not a word to the boss might help.

option 2: he casually mentions which bar hes going to that night, she shows up out of nowhere, so do you. Next day you ask us how to get blood off your docs.

[bels]

Fortunately it'd be pretty easy to get blood out of docs so you know.

[schiaparelli]

agh pips that sounds so frustrating. i'm not sure what to say but i hope she lays off soon. that must be really intensely awkward for you and your boyfriend

fechner, that's a difficult situation. i hope you'll find a good way to proceed with it! it sounds really awkward that when she sees him he just ignores her...even outside of a relationship that's really impolite and uncomfortably rude

i have an update re: guy i am dating. i asked him if he visits MFA and he said he used to frequent it, but hasn't been around in the last two years (med school). i am somewhat highly relieved because this means he's probably never read any of my comments.

[can-]

a Facebook war erupted on my newsfeed over this article on yellow fever -- http://www.thebolditalic.com/articles/3 ... ng-a-type-

I love Facebook warriors

[hooplah]

under the influence of various substances, some latent feelings between a friend and i manifested themselves and now we're doing some sort of abstract, name-less dating/quasi-relationship thing. it feels really nice

[RycePooding]

nameless kind of dating is the best dating

[can-]

are you concerned that he has yellow fever doe??

I'm going on a date in this outfit.



our legacy, jil scarf, mmm knit, schneider trews, lanvin derbies

major crush on this girl

[teck]

[Syeknom]

[bels]

Can't remem the last time I saw ben sans bball cap.

[Bobbin.Threadbare]

teck, don't buy docs, you wont be happy with them. They aren't 'the one'. It's like being a teacher - lots of people 'fall into it' but only people who really wanted it aren't miserable.

Buy some fucking badass military boots and live your life in them.

[Syeknom]

I came within a breath of buying some in HK but too realised that they are not "the one" for me, merely a substitute.

[UnwashedMolasses]

Is it bad to post here about success in romance? I don't want to downplay anybody else's stuff, but screw it, I'm tipsy.

I've been dating my girlfriend for more than four years. Two (three-ish) of those years were long distance, seperated by an 12 hour drive, not seeing each other for 3 months at a time. THat shit was hard. We had to really work to make things grow in the absence of a physical connection. But in a way it was a blessing: it was trial by fire, forcing every issue to come to the light. It forced us to work on communication to the point where we could share anything that either of us felt. As much as I hated doing the long-distance thing it had some definite benefits and now we're in a much better place for it.

Also, sex, am I right? I'd love to have a frank/open/honest discussion about sex, especially fetishes, but I don't know if that's possible given the nature of the forum and the gender balance. I wouldn't want to make anybody uncomfortable. If it's doable, would this be the place? Let me know.

[schiaparelli]

agh no let's definitely talk about success. i love cutesy stories also we can all be happy for you, unwashed. i knew a teensy bit about you and your girl and i'm glad you guys got through the ldr period and are doing well now.

I KNOW THERE ARE A HELL OF A LOT OF LDR RELATIONSHIPS ON THIS FORUM so your story is, y'know, inspiring, and encouraging.

you should make a thread about sex
and i'll like awkwardly post
and it'll be horrible because some of the people here have met me irl
awkwardness is a catalyst, let's do it

edit: i'm actually very sleepy. on second thought i'm not quite sure how that would work out since i think a lot of us are a bit shy and a lot of us don't wanna know that kind of stuff about certain others? hm hm. close your eyes and imagine bela making cracks about your sex life and think long and hard about whether this is what you want from your fashion friends? can someone call ben in from the lofty care-tag heavens to weigh in?

[bels]

I am literally the last person on earth to crack wise about other people's sex lives.

[odradek]

I walked home in a cold rain tonight. I mention it because I think it's an appropriatee ellipsis to what's happening the last few weeks of my life: unpleasant but with a weirdly redemptive quality.

My ex-girlfriend has played me like a yo-yo for the past two weeks. I would classify it as "unfair" (to me). It's incredible the number of situations in which she can insinuate herself as someone who's still in a relationship with me, still my girlfriend, and then take a hammer to that idea before my eyes and be clueless that she's done that. It hurts me. She does not understand the thing that she's doing that hurts me. I do not like it.

After a week of being yo-yo'd, I make a point to put an end to it. I send her a curt text message: "Plan on having a talk." I am guarded. I do not want to be toyed with. I do not want what I believe the state of things to be to be messed with.

She comes over. I ask her: "What do you want?"

She tells me one of the most horrific things I've heard in my life: "For several months, I have felt alone in this relationship." I can't imagine a thing I would like to do less to her than that. Additionally, I can't understand how she's come about to that feeling, even over several months. In the past she has mentioned specific things: "I don't like that I can't reach you when you're on travel. I wish you sent more text messages." When she has said these things, I have amended my behavior. These are not the things that make her feel...hollow? They are symptoms of something I cannot understand. I am unable to read subtext. The subtext has come to collect its due.

We have had two talks prior. She has said things like "When you're around, I feel like you are present, but I feel like you aren't there when you're away." I did not know how to deal with this. I do not like using telephones or sending text messages. I would rather spend time with a person in person. I have nevertheless made time to call her, made sure I sent text messages when I could. I understand, nebulously, that this is a problem, but as an engineer I am frustrated that it is not a formally defined problem. It is not a problem I can fix or even know how to fix. I am doing my best.

I am accused of being distant in the past few days. I am told that that she did not believe I was invested in the relationship. I am told that she felt that I would be "ok" if she broke up with me, that I would not crumble if she weren't there and that that is an indication that I am not where I need to be vis a vis the relationship. I am told that I am not sufficiently supportive. I am told that the points at which I said things like "I take you for granted and should be a better boyfriend" were not indications of my understanding of our relationship and points of departure from which I would pay more attention to her needs, times when I decided to do more for the relationship, were instead bullets that injured her and could be picked up and re-used on me.

I learn that I was, for several months, a terrible boyfriend.

I do not believe that I was a terrible boyfriend. I do not understand the failure points of our relationship. I do not understand what she wants. I am not alone. My friends, her friends, incidental acquaintances like coworkers are all shocked and confused by her attitude towards me, towards our relationship. I am confused in the same way. I know things that I could have done differently but don't know if they would work. I don't think I've learned anything.

I hate every moment of this.