care-tags.org

i did my first ever open mic. i've been on stage before performing but never an open mic. i did some stand up (90% of the open mic was some musical acts tho). im generally not afraid of talking in front of people but of course i get nervous. i would say about 30% of my jokes landed. i timed it and i was up for four minutes which actually felt like one.

ive always always wanted to do a stand up set. i cant say now im going to be a stand up comic, but it was cool scratching something off my list at a time in my life when i've done already a lot of stuff i've wanted to do (which isnt to say im adventurous). it was a shitty place but the experience was a beautiful, pure fire.

might try another, comedy-specific, open mic later this week.

, your post was inspiring to hear. I saw and 's posts and they also resonated me as another fresh out of college, 'quarter-life crisis' kid. I've been 9-5'ing for a few months now, and I wonder if "this is it" - sitting through work all day, just to sit on my desk all evening, to sit around all weekend with the occasional friend hang-out, which is the act of mutual sitting around and internetting.

I know excitement and such still exists in the world, but I'm just not too sure how to go about finding it. or the motivation - but it does exist. and that's comforting to know!

life is fucked up man. really fucked up. in america at least theres incredible forces trying to get you to sit at a desk or do some job like that, work, keep your head down, buy a TV, consume media and goods and food, and then die. its a very first worlds problem that "oh no we have too much comfort and entertainment" but i do think its a problem if the social fabric forces you into specific paths and discourages certain lifestyles. just go to a best buy or a mall to see what is valued by our culture.

just try to go out and experience new things, be good to others, and scare the ever loving shit out of yourself once in awhile by doing something you think is fucking insane. i remmeber sitting there watching the act before me go and thinking "what the fuck am i thinking. am i really going to say my stupid jokes to these strangers? i should just leave right now." glad i didnt. any time you have that feeling of "i am in way over my head" i think you're doing something right.

I really highly recommend travel. It's not that expensive if you know how to do it right, and has been the single most important thing in my life. My upcoming trip is a little extreme, but it's by no means the only way to achieve travel on a budget.

Where are you going Ryce? And how do you plan a trip?

Travel is what keeps me from going mad

ugh ryce you're inspiring me

i wanted to do a road trip this summer for maybe even a week of unplanned driving, but it doesn't look as if there is a chance that can happen

i really need to set something up for next summer. i haven't gotten to travel in years and i've never traveled anywhere particularly interesting in my life. "the great american road trip" seems like such an amazing experience, and i really regret not doing it a few years back when i had the chance.

I'm pretty happy right now. I quit my band a couple weeks ago and decided to start over on the electronic album I'd been working on sporadically for about a year. Now I can focus on this project and I can put all the scrapped tracks on Soundcloud while I work on it so no one thinks I've disappeared. Music is fun and exciting.

Might've just gotten broken up with... She's coming over to talk later so we'll see. Just when you think you've finally stumbled into something good, you fuck it up. I don't know. Pray for my pathetic romantic life guys.

Also, fuck the Avalanche and fuck the refs. Alright, that about sums up things depressing me this weekend.

I just put one of the scrapped tracks up today actually. Wasn't gonna post it cuz I didn't want to be spammy, but yolo.


plz don't doxx me

Yo that's some really cool stuff.I dig it, make more and keep at it, you'll only get better from here.

Thanks! I have a bunch of other tunes on there if you're interested in checking out more. Like I said, that one's just leftover from a bigger project. I've been making beats on and off for three years or so now.

I've been wanting to rant about adulthood and growing up and having things not pan out the way I wanted them to, but...

My dad texted me tonight that a UPS shipment of cookies had arrived at my parents' home. I had no idea why this would be the case, so he opened up the box. Apparently my new employer shipped them to the permanent address I had listed.




I moved last week and now live almost 5 hours away from my parents.

My older sister is getting married! In two months! And they told my mom over the phone just last night!

I mean I'm not surprised since I've known about their plans for a few months now, I just find the whole thing hilarious and my mom basically demanded that the guy fly over here and tell her personally. She has no problems with my sister getting married, she's just a bit old-fashioned. The urgency is due to the date being the most auspicious one for them to get hitched as determined by Chinese numerology.

I'm really hoping my sister will have a nice wedding with all of us present because when my older brother got married he told us a week before the date and it was on a weekday so we didn't have the time to get time off work and only the family of his wife was present. So that means we all have to fly over to Singapore for the ceremony.

Got accepted to study for a year at university of amsterdam next year, which in itself is going to be outright awesome.

Me mum is one of the super family types and she gets upset thinking I go to university 100 miles away, nevermind not in the UK
I want to feel bad for leaving but its only a year and my eventual plan is to travel teaching EFL.

But anyway life is good. Me mate said to me 'charlie only you could pull off that suit' and it meant a lot coming from him as hes me bezzie and he doesn't dress bad, but he has never really gave a fuck about fashion; other people have said it to me before but this has confirmed my confidence up to a point where im ready to try some wicked cool shit out.

Time to get chiseled also

Amsterdam is amazing you'll love it. Wanted to move there a few years ago myself.

My mum hated me leaving the uk as well but can't stay on the apron strings forever.

My wife is from california and remarked that she likes being in Utah and being able to watch the seasons change.

Makes me grateful- I live at the foot of beautiful mountains and everything is starting to get super green. Can feel it lifting my mood.

Also, just a little over a month to our first anniversary, cool!

Good news, after having rational adult conversations I didn't get broken up with! Who knew that'd work? Definitely lucky she put up with my terrible communicating abilities and general stupidity. I felt incredibly bad too, I really upset her a lot... But luckily I think we managed to talk through a lot of the lingering thorns in the side of things and hopefully will be ready for the challenges of the summer now. I learned a lot from it in terms of my own failings when it comes to relationships anyways. came through as usual with much needed advice and laughs! Lucky to have lots of friends to talk things like this through with. You guys definitely included!

Now, ready for game 7 and the potential heartbreak or happiness that'll follow. Oh, and I guess those finals things in the next week or two are important too?

.

i want to preemptively apologize this angsty teenage rant, but i really want to get this off my chest and don't have many places to just rant.


Ugh so throughout my entire life my parents have been so good to me in that they have afforded me many opportunities, resources and some support. Yet, they have never let me fail at anything and it is so terribly infuriating. I just hate it so much. I cannot remember a time where my dad tried to intervene on something that i was doing so that he could fix it for me. They have always made me continue doing sports, musics etc. that i didn't like because it would mean giving up and failure. That's not to say that they did all the work for me, rather they just forced me to not fail and gave me a lot of help. Now that i'm in community college and about to graduate from high school they don't have any of the resources to check up on me or force me to do anything related to school work. So they are forced to trust me which they are adamantly opposed to. My mother doubts if i go to school, therapy or even if i have depression/anxiety issues. She always assumes that i am drunk or high and that i am lying to her about something. My dad mostly takes my mom's word. Then they do not think that i am doing well in school or care about it even when time and time again have shown that i am doing well even though my studying habits are not necessarily what they think is right. Since they will not trust me and cannot check up on me and believe that i am going about everything wrong they are in constant conflict with everything i do assuming that i am just shirking my responsibilities and ruining my life. I mean jesus christ i got a 3.6 gpa last quarter and my culminative gpa is 3.7 what more do you want? It seems that everything i do is ruining my life even though i'm quite sure that aside from my parental issues my life is the best it has been in a very long time. I mean the do afford me a number of freedoms such as drinking and smoking weed, and i have demonstrated a great degree of responsibility when it comes to those sorts of things and pretty major slip ups are treated with immense leniency. On the other very small slip ups cause disruptions for days or weeks on end. For instance today i was 30 minutes late to a volunteering thing that i do due to the fact that i took a different route and got lost. I called my dad and asked him for the phone number of the director so tht i could let him know that depending on where i was i might not even be able to make it to the volunteering. He yelled at me for at least five minutes complaining about how i am always irresponsible and how disgraceful i am and how poorly it reflects on him and i. i did get to the volunteering and talked to the director who was fine with it and acknowledged that things happen. I still haven't talked to my dad tonight and he made several remarks to my mom about how he's done with me (i can't count how many times he's told us that he's done with me/this family) and how he thinks that feministfatal is partially to blame and how he never wants to see her again. I'm just so frustrated with all this conflict and overbearing on their part. I just want them to let go and let me graduate from HS and get into uni on my own. I understand that there intentions are in the right place, but their actions have such a devastating effect on our family. It's also quite frustrating because i don't really feel like we are a family. I'm really scared to admit this in any family counseling because when i've made suggestions or when they've asked me if i felt negatively about them they began to ask if i was really that selfish or loved them or question whether or not i deserved to be in this family before i could even give an answer. There's just so much conflict and not much affection or togetherness that i've become really alienated from them. They feel more like terrible roommates rather than parents. It's quite scary to question whether or not your love for your parents is unconditional and whether or not you truly do love them. I'm also so fed up with my mom's snarky comments, just a couple days ago i asked her to stop asking me who i am trying to impress with my clothes because i'm not really trying to impress anyone and it makes me seem like a vain asshole. She then told me that i was a vain asshole. I remember this shit! You don't think it hurts when you call me a vain asshole or a selfish child or that you wish i would just move out or when you don't even believe that the panic attack i had in front of you was real.

/rant

I really wish that i decided to apply for fall quarter rather than winter quarter at uni. Sorry that got so long

graduation is in two weeks. met an awesome girl last week. why couldn't we have met freshman year. oh well.

how do you tell if a girl likes you
i mean she's not sent any obvious signals (which i'd be bound to miss anyway) but i think she wouldn't say no if i asked her out
but on the other hand we're quite close friends and i don't want it to be awkward
then again we seem really compatible - or is that because we're friends?

don't overthink it!

just say something like "I think you're pretty cool, do you want to go on a date? or something to that effect.

don't get too hyped up on it and play it cool if she says no. it won't be the end of the world (or your friendship). you're asking someone on a date, not professing your undying love.

Welp, I just went to the last class as an undergraduate.

Mol bio lab. Professor moved our exam from finals week to today, and then threw us a pizza party afterwards.

Still hasn't sunk in.

Pizza was good though.

@exprof ain't shit to fuck up because we're headed separate ways.

welp. everyone's graduating. i dropped out of a remedial program at NEU and went academic probation/dropped-out twice at community college, but before that i dropped out of middle-school. but you know in hindsight i feel.. everything feels great!

edit: forgot the (smiling)

(smiling))))

no friends to get pizza with, so i'll make pizza my friend

why can't u delete posts

but why are you doing that