by kyung » Sun Nov 24, 2013 11:59 pm
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2J-0EtsCpo[/youtube]
I don't know if it's been stress because of exams, insecurity about my future, or seasonal depression, but it's been really easy for me to get really nostalgic about this time where i was a lot happier than i am now. I wasn't smoking, I was eating better, I was in the middle of a great relationship that I handled way too immaturely, and I was surrounded by great friends I felt so comfortable and at home around. Since coming to college I've developed some bad anxiety, which I guess is to be expected, but I just feel so distanced from the community and friends I live in/with (partly my fault for not knowing what I wanted from a campus experience). I just feel unmotivated to change anything, despite being so uncomfortable where I am, and this stagnancy just feels really shitty. My family keeps pressuring me about what my next step will be but I can never really answer confidently. At the same time, my friend (who is practically a brother to me) is beginning his second round of chemotherapy after being diagnosed with lymphoma last January and I tend to think about when times were a lot simpler and easier to handle.
Maybe this is a part of growing up, but sometimes I feel like I'm fighting just to keep head above the water.
Excuse my ramblings, I should be studying for an exam.
KIMCHI SLAP
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