care-tags.org

: playing team sports as a kid can be fun, but it really depends on what you play and who you play with imo.

I didn't have much fun playing rec baseball or soccer in elementary/middle school, which turned me off of sports for a while. I was one of the few asian kids playing and I was kind of bad, and I didn't have any friends on the team.

Luckily, I ended up joining track with my best friend on a whim in high school, and it led to some of the best experiences of my life. Similarly, I got addicted to ultimate frisbee since all of my friends were playing, and now it's a big part of my life

Been extremely depressed lately with no motivation for anything. Yesterday I decided to go back to therapy. Just deciding that already made me feel a lot better.

Today I used that positive energy and went to the city centre. Got some film developed and ate a great salmon feta salad for lunch. I had my camera with me but didn't take a single photo. Usually that makes me feel like I've somehow failed, but today I didn't mind.

4.0 for my first semester at the new school

Graduation and commencement weekend was this weekend. Got my degree two days ago, commencement was yesterday, and now I'm at the airport getting ready to move back.

Closest friends threw me a little surprise party yesterday, and since I'm about to move to Germany, got me a cake and wrote "Viel Glück" on it with icing. I seriously made the best friends of my life in College and I'm going to miss them so fucking much. Moved out of my apartment this morning, and had to say bye to my roommates who I've been living with for the past four years. I'm so emotionally spent, it took everything I had to not crack when we were saying bye :(

I'm not entirely sure why I'm typing this out here, but I want to get it off my chest, and where better than with internet friends?

I'm study accounting right now but I don't really see a future for me in this field. I was thinking of moving to New York and perhaps doing a masters in merchandising or fashion management/marketing. Has anybody had any related experiences that they could share with me?

on a much much much lighter note, I just dropped my phone into the next stall at the airport. So at least I'm already making new friends.

I kinda miss the joy I had just getting into fashion and learning not to dress like heaping filth. Getting $30 pants from the GAP made me feel nice and outwardly confident. It's weird how other people's perception of me has changed so little even though I consider huge changes to have been made.

I want to do better in school next year but I know myself all too well to expect serious work ethic.
I want to hug me from last year, let him know everything's gonna be perfectly alright. I want a hug from myself a year in the future, and to know everything's gonna be perfectly alright. Though perfectly alright isn't the goal. I want to make connections with people in high places, but I don't even have connections with people in low places.

I feel like not making friends is always good for me at the moment, but never good for me in the long term.

Clearing off my desk at school and packing everything away, my dorm room looks pretty empty. Leaving for home tomorrow afternoon right after my last final. I'm ready to go home and be done with school but at the same time I'm going to miss some stuff here. It all went by way too fast, and the year was mostly a mess between problems with the school and relationships/friendships ending but there were a few good moments too. I feel like I haven't had any time to even sit down and think about this year at all. It was really strange. It doesn't feel like it even happened. But now I'm anxious for summer and this fall. Both excited and slightly worried.

Going to be visiting my old high school on Wednesday with a friend, that'll be interesting. Like I said in my last post in this thread, things went incredibly well with my ex when we hung out last Saturday and then we ended up talking on the phone for two hours on Sunday night, which also went surprisingly well. It felt like we were both on the same page and felt the same way about everything. We planned to hang out this past Friday but then she cancelled because she didn't think that we should be moving so quickly, and then she stopped replying to me after that. It's been a week. I guess I understand but I'm confused after how well things went. Anyway, she's a senior in high school so I'll be seeing her on Wednesday. Of course we're going to see teachers and whatever but we're going to confront her and try to have a serious talk after school between the three of us (we're all pretty much best friends with each other and he's the reason that her and I became friends and started dating). He's on my side but she actually listens to him. So...I guess I'll have to wait to see how that goes.

Until then I have no motivation to even start this paper due on Friday. Sorry for the walls of text, needed to vent for a minute.

A summary in .gif form of how I've been feeling:

My closest friends are coming home for memorial day weekend but they're all coming/departing at different times and there isn't a single day where we can all be together. I am a little sad but still excited.

It's been kind of weird hearing other girls talking about being alone/getting bullied in high school, because while we were never really cool and extremely nerdy (we all met in an accelerated math class), we were always very happy together. I feel rather fortunate.

i went and got a beer with my ex tonight. probably a bad idea. not sure how i'm feeling right now.

sometimes i wish i could just not hold my dad in contempt for not being there and being self-righteously egotistical (this is the guy where I get a lot of my intellectual jargon rummaging from)

i think it's hurting our relationship that I don't accept him for his gambling (he gets very defensive and self-protective around it) -- but after attending a talk about the casino world/vegas -- it is really a form of entertainment. in many ways, he's kind of impulsively reckless in gambling i suppose, because "i'm not there for him or accept him unconditonally" though on my end, I feel the same way, perhaps with my copping jawns idk.

i like to think when we I'm able to slowly get him to be more genuine and 4real together, that i will one day join him at the pai gow table or something -- albeit balled the fuck out in a smoking jacket/tuxedo dinner wear (smiling)

aha no, took me a second but i see why you asked

I've gotten really, really good at spending time alone. Reading alone by the ocean is a nice way to spend a day.

a friend I fell a bit out of touch with in high school attempted suicide three weeks ago which put him in a coma. they decided to pull the life support on monday and i'm going to go to his wake tomorrow. i wonder what goes through a parent's head once they have to make that sort of decision. just thinking about it made me well up. i don't think i'm strong enough to do anything like that, i'm scared to see the body but i also feel weirdly numb towards this whole situation

another friend (i've known him since we were 8-9) is also leaving tomorrow to do his korean military service. i haven't seen him since december and i wasn't able to say goodbye to him. he'll be gone for two years. i mean, in the grand scheme it doesn't seem like a long time but the guy is like a brother to me and two years is a lot of time to change

i don't know, it's been a long couple of weeks

On Monday, in my last week of work at McDonald's, they had a grease fire and shut the place down for two weeks. No one was hurt, but one of my managers said the fire ran up the walls onto the roof. I already feel better, physically, emotionally, and mentally, after just a couple days of relaxing and not eating at McDonald's for convenience and half off. Today I cleaned up my room a little, which had become a mess since the new year. I feel relatively good now that I have time to think.

nn

my roommates are the best. i've been sick for the last day, and i came home from work and my roommates had left a bag of cough drops and a hot pot of tea on my bedside for me. they're much more thoughtful than i am, will have to work at that.

unemployment is so boring, although i might have something being set up. for now i'll just lay around in my girlfriend's bed and listen to sunny day real estate and dream about food.

Sounds terrible zayg. Really feel for you mate.

Today the Mackintosh building at the Glasgow School of Art caught fire. Apparently it started in the cellar when a projector exploded, and a spark caught some expanding foam which then allowed the fire to spread throughout the entire building. If you don't know about the Mac building it's difficult to express the importance of it... not just in terms of Glasgow or Scotland, but for architecture and art in general. I mean i feel sick and teary eyed. The building was beautiful from outside and inside, the light and space etc..., but also stained glass, furniture, lights, bigger structures like staircases etc you had this rare position where while it was a piece of art itself, an A listed building demonstrating the best of art deco, and was a massive tourist attraction, it was still a school, used and abused every day by students. I remember walking around when i was much younger on a tour and being confused why people were painting and building things in the hallways. So over 100 years after it was built it was still being used as it was meant to be - by creatively minded people.

It's too early to say exactly what damage has been done but from speaking to people who were in the building / have been around it today, it looks like the old library has been destroyed, as has the famous 'hen run', not to mentions a considerable amount of smaller objects (furniture and glass etc). Structurally it seems bad as well, with parts of the roof destroyed. Today was also the deadline for work with the degree show in two weeks. Students stood outside and watched all their work from the past four years burn.

Here's what it used to look like:










We have lost the ultimate display of a genius and i am devastated.

Update: We're back together. I've never been this happy before. Woah.

Had my orchestra banquet today, it was a lot of fun, and very emotional. One of my senior friends who is graduating thanked me for being such a good friend, and that she never realized how good of a friend I was until this school year. That was one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me and we both started crying, I'm really gonna miss her and hope that we can still meet up a couple times over the summer.

My mariachi director gave us all little silver guitars to wear as necklaces, I just have to find a nice chain/cord for it. I've known him since 8th grade and I've changed a lot so he's really watched me grow, and when I went to talk to him we both started crying. He told me to wear that necklace so that I could always feel close to him. It was cheesy as fuck but it made me cry. He started talking about how he remembered when I was younger and how much I've changed, I've never seen him cry so much before, and I haven't cried that much in a long time either. I'm gonna miss him a lot and I hadn't realized how attached I had actually gotten to him, and how much he cared about me. At least we still have one or two final gigs before I have to say my final goodbye to him.

This was such a great year for both the mariachi and the orchestra. I'm really proud of what we have accomplished and I hope next year is good as well, although it might be a bit rough since we're getting completely new directors.

I feel like I'm writing a summary of a soap opera or something lol

Finished school, will get credited as assistant stylist in an editorial, got into both kcl ma program's I applied for, le labo is opening a hk branch. Been a busy but fun week.

So tired though

Oh yeah, also helped a friend compete his model for his archi final pinup. That was fun

Some medical stuff that I haven't had to deal with in a really long time resurfaced recently and fucked up the end of last week, this weekend, and the time trial I needed to swim at on Saturday to qualify for a championship meet at this weekend. Now it's really hard to find any sort of motivation to finish the swim season or hell even pay attention in class and finish this fucking school year because it's looming over my head again and I'm constantly going to be worried about it taking away whatever hard work I do put in now.

Having no control over things SUCKS.

I might end up doing something dumb like going and buying something expensive that I don't really even want that much because of this. I have approximately zero self control when I'm down on myself and if I do that, I'd basically be counting on getting some money after I graduate which is a really irresponsible way to be thinking about money and I don't want to be doing that.

all my friends are graduating tonight and I'm stuck here for another year and I feel like shit

Why is it so hard to say how you feel sometimes? Just three words: I miss you. That's all I want to say. But I just can't.

So I'm traveling by myself for the first time in my life. For someone who looks at travel as his biggest hobby, it's strange that it took me so long to do this. Going from Florida to San Francisco, and while I'm naturally a bit nervous it's also a pretty liberating feeling to know that I'll pretty much be completely on my own for a week. Will also be my first true b&m shopping experience (we don't even have an h&m where I live to give an idea of how neglected I am) and I can't wait to spend a whole day hopping between stores and boutiques, especially excited about Maas & Stacks. Can't wait to see everyone, should be seeing Lunchables, Sid, Fruit, and some others. Super super grateful to ajustrun (dunno if he's on ct or not) for letting me stay with him, need to get him something nice for that. All in all the thought of finally getting out of my comfort zone and just leaving has had me feeling much better about myself in recent times, feels like I'm growing sorta. As some of you already know I've got a fairly debilitating stutter which I've always sorta let keep me from being *too* outgoing and from doing things like this, but I guess recently I figured I should stop fucking caring. Anyway, really plan on doing it way more in the future now. Maybe Stockholm next.

a little drunk right now and feeling sad and totally just can't process my thoughts and feelings right now and it sucks. i honestly just really miss her and i'm mad at myself that it's been almost 4 months already and i'm still hung up on this. and all i want to do is talk to her. fuck.

just had the opportunity to grasp something i thought ive wanted for years just to realize i didn't actually want it... guess im free now

This wednesday is my first wedding anniversary. Lots of people said we were too young, too this, too that, etc, etc. But we knew what we wanted and went through with it in the way we wanted and it's been the best year of my life.

We've booked the same hotel room that we stayed in on our wedding night. The room is amazing; it has a kitchen, living room, like 5 fireplaces, a deck with a hot tub overlooking the mountains and a beautiful golf course, and a spa-style bathroom. So yeah, it's gonna be a good anniversary.

Life is good.

It's my birthday today and I feel so loved. All my friends came out for my party yesterday including ramseames!!! And then today I go out for a nice lunch with my cousin and come home to a big pink box (I thought I was getting pajama shorts from my parents because that's what I asked for, and thought that it was an awfully fancy box for pajama shorts) FILLED with letters from my friends and family!!!!!!! I am so blessed. This was the best birthday ever!!!