care-tags.org

Nothing like dry heaving before an exam *sigh*

i properly apologized to a friend for something i said that hurt her. i spent a few weeks in denial and my pride got in the way of doing anything about our sudden non-friendship, and i'd take all these things she did to be signs that she wasn't a good friend anyway, wasn't worth the time, &c &c

i'm really happy that i sat down and talked to her today. it's never good to be too proud when dealing with people you care about.

wow I think I might explode

after 4 years of trying I passed my data structures & algorithms course, getting slightly closer to getting my bachelor's!!!!!!
in the morning I got a phonecall, I have a job interview on monday
the first japanese restaurant in my area opened yesterday, gonna try it out in an hour
in the evening there's a punk gig I've been waiting for

just wow

Prof got back to me that he won't be able to be my mentor for summer research since he's having fun this summer. At least I have a back-up plan. Hopefully the applications come out soon, but it looks like I'll be picking up a 9-5 sort of job over the summer doing IT for my university. Still pretty cool, but I think I would have preferred summer research. Career center agrees that it would look nicer on the resume too. Oh well. It's not even that bad of a thing. Mostly just like what I want to do vs what I want to do more. Seems that creative writing students looking into summer research are mostly SOL regarding summer research.

i've lost weight recently i think from not eating enough. i don't do it on purpose i love food and i eat whatever i want but most days of the week if i wake up late it means no breakfast and probably no lunch bc i won't be able to make anything. i'll take some fruit but that's not enough... i know it's not healthy and i do try to make an effort to eat more but at the same time i don't mind it bc skinny :/ not eating is so convenient i hate it

and pretty frequently when i'm eating a meal i'll eat a little and start to feel nauseous even though i'm still hungry it's the worst

this is going to sound so stupid

so the past couple weeks i've been seriously considering returning to the law school route, which i had written off a few years ago when i switched to another area of work. today i just decided to buck up and do it, dropped $700 on an LSAT prep course and paid the $170 to register for the february LSAT. i was actually feeling surprisingly relieved, like i finally had direction in life. not scared at all, just excited.

a month or two ago a bunch of friends and i bought tickets to see my favorite dj in february. i've been looking forward to this concert and talking to my friends about it pretty much every day. just checked the dates--it's the night before the LSAT. all of the sudden all this fear and apprehension came swooping in side of me and i sat there feeling like crap for a little while, thinking of how scary the next few years are going to be. what if i'm not good at law school? what if i don't like practicing law?

even typing this is making me feel stupid as fuck, but it's just so dumb how shitty it makes me feel that i'll be missing this concert. i feel like it's a sign from the heavens or something, like a symbol of the sacrifices i'll have to make moving forward lol.

anyway, i'm bummed.

alright. consider the following information:

a girl who i'm attracted to asked me to be her flatmate. her current flatmate is leaving and she needs find someone else.

is this situation advisable? I'm tempted to do it because it would be more convenient than finding a new flat and also she's really cool

extra information/conjecture/questions under spoiler

The odds of moving in with a new person + simultaneously entering into a relationship (of some sort) with them and having things remain good until the lease ends are like impossibly low

continuation: I got the job right after the interview

edit: the restaurant was good! I only ate sushi and it was clearly better than what anyone else offers up here. there was more food on offer and they got their à la carte menu going just today. gonna go tomorrow too (smiling)

i can be a shitty person a lot of times because i get angry easily at small things

i'm thankful for the amount of patience my parents and brother have with me because if i treated other people how i treat them sometimes i don't even know man

fuck

fuck it is so hard to study for finals when a) mentally i may as well not even be in this half of the country, i've been mentally back home ever since thanksgiving and b) i feel like i know enough that i could probably get As without studying much (this may or not be true but i really shouldn't risk it)

on a more positive note i can't wait to go home in a few days and see my favorite person in the whole world and spend a month with her (smiling)

i got my rewritten thesis back today (previously told my first one was the worst in the class and i didn't write on a senior level). i worked my ass off to make this a kickass thesis and i was super proud of it, i felt like i made something really strong and well written. well, apparently not. professor gave a me a D on it, a whole 3 FUCKING more points than my first thesis.

fuck school, so over this bullshit.

- yeah, i even went to my university's writing center before I turned it in and got their feedback and revised from it.

Been feeling melancholic and production week of the school newspaper I edit has not helped. You want to put out good content but sometimes you just look at your page and think good enough, no one's going to read this anyway.

I've been too anxious of high school judgement (or even comments that I just don't want to hear) to try and dress myself well in the morning and those bad feels reverb throughout my day I think.

first draft had all of like a sentence of feedback and when asked my professor gave me nothing constructive or helpful.

i'm just mad because i had no direction of what he wanted, considering he gave us no real constraints or guidelines as to what we should be striving for. very bitter at this whole semester of class right now.

second week at my new job. missed monday and tuesday with a nasty cold. otherwise it's been great but what a way to start...

Some very good comics by Jack Teagle about knowing yourself. I needed to see this today so probably someone else out there does too.

I've been feeling pretty listless recently, with my last semester winding down. Also realized that with most of my friends already graduating, I need to make more friends who aren't from class or my fraternity. At least I'll have time to go out and do new things and meet new people now. Any suggestions for semi-social hobbies to pick up?

i haven't talked to my ex since august of 2013 but for some reason i've been thinking about her a lot in the past couple of weeks zzzzzzz and as a result have been listening to a lot of brand new, modern baseball, and pity sex

A long time family friend from karate just got out of surgery last weekend for a benign tumor in his brain. We just found out today that the tumor was actually malignant and he's at stage 3 brain cancer. He just got married, got a home and had a new baby recently and has two other kids... :/

I'll probably be taking a break from internet fashion and care-tags next semester, in part because my workload will be increasing significantly. Also in part because I'm trying to cut down on the internet in general and realized I'm not really happy when I go on forums. I'll probably still be around to participate in care-shares and occasional waywts and the like.

First semester of college was a weird, beautiful, emotional ride. I was in crisis for the first half or so freaking out that I didn't really connect with people, threw myself into a relationship that I really shouldn't have been in as a crutch for my own insecurities and did a lot of stupid shit. The nursing curriculum was pretty intensive but I think I'm coming out with all As and a B+. Second half of the semester I definitely found my groove and met people who I want in my life on a long-term scale. Really started to feel like I knew people. Switching rooms 2nd semester because my roommate and I are completely different people and neither of us really know how we got placed together. Going to seek counseling/therapy for possible depression next semester, wait list was a month and a half for 1st semester so I chose not to. Anyway highlights + such:

• Frequenting the New England aquarium with a membership (thanks Dad), going in just to do homework, to de-stress, to look at eels. (If any CTers ever want to go I can get 3 people in for free)
• Finding a fantastic soup kitchen with a great staff to volunteer at which I'm trying to turn into a weekly thing
•Taking psilocybin mushrooms several times
• Crashing a gingerbread-making contest spontaneously and hanging out and eating free candy
• Participating in the NEU undie run which means getting hammered and running a 5k on parents weekend, storming proctor stations and generally being loud and drunk and unclothed
• Seeing Chrome Sparks in concert, seeing Portugal the man in concert
• Going to the buddhist group that meets weekly, great group of people
• threesome with a fwb and a good friend and having it not be weird at all after ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
• discovering the music and art dorms where kids have regular jam sessions and are into pop punk and brand new and all that cool stuff
• harvard parties
• going vegetarian for moral reasons, 2 months strong

goals for winter break:
learn to crochet // read moksha, little failure, the road, few others // spend more time with my mom // take advantage of a fully stocked kitchen

hope everyone has a fantastic christmas/non-denominational holiday season/etc!!

I spent my first year of uni playing world of warcraft

Coming home from college reminds me why I was so happy to go to college in the first place :/

I've been experiencing a fuckton of stress, with 13 large tests and assignments scheduled the last two weeks... At times it feels like something's crawling under my skin.

couldn't make it to my grandma's funeral this weekend. parents told me that it wasn't important and that i should stay at school and focus on exams. really regret listening to them

I am a bit sad and very tired and moderately lost; life is hard

not sure how appropriate this is as i just signed up, but none of my friends or family understand. i just landed a years apprenticeship at one of the old prestigious English goodyear shoemakers, and i'm actually so happy. it was damn hard to get as well. withholding name as i'm brand new

always wanted to learn a trade, and a bunch of people cut me off when i said i wanted to make shoes and not go to university. nothing of value was lost boys. (smiling)

eggg

wow I'm having a terrible week... getting a C in the only class that really matters at all to me, getting rejected from what has been my top-choice school for like five years, being completely unable to get ahold of my boss and thus being unable to work, finals week, and to top it all off a negative balance in my bank account due to some stupud surprise overdraft fees........ fuuuuuuuuccckk