care-tags.org

fuck man just fuck

Girl in my English class comitted suicide on Sunday. Suicides always make me uneasy, both my close friends from middle school tried to commit suicide then both promptly moved to different schools and or started home schooling. So I'm always really uneasy around the topic.

Grandma on my mom's side had a hemorrhagic stroke and they had to remove her (part of) cerebellum to relieve the pressure. Sitting in the hospital right now.

I just want to curl up in a ball and do nothing for the next month.

I don't want to talk to my friends about it because I feel week but I always try to cope by myself and I end up making things worse but I just feel so week going to anyone with my problems anymore its just really not a good situation I feel like dealing with right now. I just want to work 24 hours a day and avoid contact with people I know for the next week I think.

On the real though I need some coping mechanisms. I don't want to start smoking, but at this point I need the anxiety relief so badly. It feels like any genuinely good coping mechanism ends up making things worse in other areas.

e:
And the school suicide thing is hard to watch. Avoiding social media at all costs, it sickens me to see people trying to make jokes about something so genuinely impactful for a lot of people. They haven't released the name but obviously a lot of people know it and have spread it around so at this point its just a really ugh situation to go to every day and right now I really don't want to fucking deal with these gross people that have no compassion for something so serious.

finally went back to work today man I am so happy

sometimes


i just really hate myself
hate what i do
hate what i am
hate what i'm not
my medication is not working the way i want it to, and my behavior is inexcusable in every way possible
it comes and ups and downs but lately it's been down and i've only been relying on material goods to satisfy and make myself happy, and i don't want to live this way

i've been thinking about this lately and i'm sure half of the internet wants my head cut off and i'm more than happy enough to oblige
it'll be for the better of the world, i swear!

I got laid off. Actually, my whole Interactive department got let go. Sucks but eh...I've been through this, what? 4 times within the last 3 years haha. :'\

Sigh...back to the job hunt while consulting.

I rely on the opinion of others as a copping mechanism

I've already found another job sort of.

Starting to apply for jobs in industries I refused to work in due to ethical reasons. Probably won't hear anything anyway, but ugh, I'm kinda upset at myself but job > no job.

Didn't test into the music theory classes I was supposed to for this semester which means I have to start over next year (as a junior). It's been a long time since I last had a music class but regardless I studied and worked a lot to prepare myself for it.

Two other things: No one else that was taking the placement exam tested into what they were expecting either, including someone that took the exact same classes at another U of M school (perhaps that says something about the quality of the exams). The professor walked out on me while I was talking and said "tough luck" when I was trying ask him for help on what I was supposed to do next.

So, two years of school wasted and my dream of writing music is very close to being over, at least I'm not feeling very encouraged to continue with it.

Nice start to the semester.

ah man that really sucks. I can relate to douchebag teachers. some dont even care to help their students. don't think of it as two years of school wasted, think of it as a learning experience! at least that's what I do when i screw something up.

Nothing was wasted if you learned and grew from the experience as cheesy as it is (I guess just reiterating uniacto) but even still, your dream of writing music is not going to be determined by a degree even though of course it helps a ton in some fields, and jobs are hard to come by that will support you.

My wife has a degree from Berkeley and got passed over for a "guaranteed" job because the president (micro-managing a bit) didn't want to have to "waste" any time training. Didn't hire from within from a person with brand and company experience, hire someone who did the exact same sales job somewhere else. I say that to sort of illustrate how we can put weight on all these important things (Berkeley Degree, having it "guaranteed") and it all means crap if the person in power isn't going to hire you anyway.

This is fairly rambly, sorry. But- I wanted to make clothes, too anxious to go to college for it, started making clothes at home, actually ended up selling a lot of other similar stuff locally that me and my wife made or bought and restored (clothes, which led to books, journals, bags, etc).

Moral of the story is don't let the man tell you what you can and cannot do.

Been wanting2say this for along time:

I feel care-tags has a diversity issue

- late-night thoughts and/or change my view.

What can we do to change that?

Went 2 the first meeting of the game dev club on campus. What it is is basically a faux professional software company, things are scheduled, deadlined, organized, less of a club than an actual game dev team. The "feel" part of this post is that I felt %100 comfortable and like, on the same level as the other people there if that makes sense, and am finally, for what seems like the first time in my life, sure of what I actually want to do with the rest of it.

I'm just joking guys, making satire of diversity campaigns. If there were more of me, I don't think I'd be happy - I like being the anomaly 8)

I agree with 's sentiments about these stuff

my feelings are irrelevant

Was playing futsal last night and I asked a guy to defend with me. He asked me to play on the left, which is no big deal, even though I'm an RB. It fucked my candence up!

How can I meet friends at university?

i always pretend to not understand the material and ask people to study with me

that or beg my friends to introduce me to their other friends and steal them

also if you're in spokane i've been meaning to go there so i'll come hang out with you

All the guys in this acting class are super fucking jacked. (RELATIVELY SPEAKING)

Did H&MMM do a ladies chelsea boot with that wrecked leather top, cap toe and a ripple sole? Because one of the girls was wearing shoes that looked like that.

@thomsfood repcomment: No I'm trying to remind everyone that I am not jacked and have been not jacked for years and years and years.

I feel like it shouldn't be so difficult to make this place welcoming to all people, in theory. But of course in practice, it doesn't take much for people to feel uncomfortable, even if it's only a small proportion of posts. And of course weird double standards that crop up.

I should have went to school for something even remotely interesting.

perhaps if I can get a job, but that is the hard part, and the good money doesn't really come in until your old and lame. I feel like working in the field won't be so bad, it is just that the god damned schooling is the most banal, dry borderline-inapplicable shit you'll ever see. That's a business major for you though. Sure, it's "easy" and "not a real major" but I think 95% of the reason you'll see business majors sleeping through class isn't because they're lazy but because it will literally put you to fucking sleep. I always get a little peeved when I see so many people here wax poetically about school and then I take some of my electives which are actually interesting and realize they probably go to school for majors they are interested in.

Just a little rant after spending my afternoon reading and writing about SAP and ~business process~ bullshit.

Honestly I love my business classes, they are by far some of the most interesting classes I've taken yet.

how to get more girls on ct has always been an important preoccupation here. Just go back to the first pages of this thread and you'll see. Care tags would benefit from more diversity but it's been incredibly hard to put that in practice. I think the only thing we can do is to keep posting and eventually it will provide a safer space for women. If you see something that makes you feel uncomfortable, please speak up. That thread was condemned by the large majority so i dont think care tags is necessarily macho. We can make care tags a better place.

in regards to socialization i've never really been an anxious person, though i was always shy, but recently has been soooo bad. whenever i'm in a classroom i get so anxious and my palms get sweaty it's terrible!! and at times it distracts me from focusing on what my professors are saying :s