care-tags.org

krumps, you were right to call out newgs on his lame comment. people get heated up when they see that someone reacted to a rep comment but sometimes you have to stand up for yourself.

that bag looks full of mayo jonjo. hope you get better soon.

semester's all over, weather got warmer.
more time to work on music/design, and finally nice enough to not wear a heavy jacket.

yes.

i'm fucking done! fuck yes! last crit of my college design career was last night around 8pm. I hadn't slept in over 50 some hours by that point. I went home, had a beer, and slept. It's pretty great.

Still have to go back today and install my colleratal material / wall display for my thesis exhibition but that is easy mode.

It's my last day right now at my current web dev job, a little bitter sweet but glad to be moving on. Got hired at a local food courier company doing bike delivery for what amounts to really pennies but it'll at least keep the lights on while I pursue real work.

Had an interview at a really awesome design / marketing strategy / web development firm for their web development internship. seems to have went well and it sounds like i'll be back there next week for another round of interview. now to stalk the person who interviewed me so i can figure out his email and send a thank you.

now it's just bikes beer and job searching.

Went to doctor this morning. She couldn't really diagnose me or anything right then and there, which I expected because she was just a normal doctor, but it was nice to talk with someone about it. She recommended I try university counseling, which I will, hopefully. I had hoped to learn something concrete before going home on Monday and having to talk to my parents but oh well.

Infinitely more disturbing was getting measured by the nurse and discovering I'm both ten pounds lighter than I thought, and two inches taller. I'm 6'8" , I'm literally a monster. As trivial as it is, it has really rattled me.

have people historically had this many problems with human relationships or is this some new concept that only applies to my life like my brain likes to lead me to believe

Hey everyone, I'm really sorry that I haven't been posting lately. Hopefully I can find some more time to get back into it. Part of the reason that I haven't been able to is that I have been really busy with my startup, which just launched today!!!!! I feel bad coming on here and advertising it, but it would be really cool if you guys could take a look at our website: www.revamppanels.com

welp, last exam was today (yesterday) I'm drunk, it's my birthday, and I have work at 4 today. I'd say this is a respectable way to end freshman year

RIP B.B.

Saw him when he was in his early 80's. Amazing performer.

RIP my great-grandfather. 100+ years of life. I'm not even mad, just impressed and happy that I got to be a part of a truly incredible life. Hope the next one is as long and good, cheers.

girlfriend and i have been fostering some kittens. one of them contracted a fatal virus over the weekend and we had to put them all down due to how contagious it was today. feels bad :( kittens are so much more delicate than dogs. been turning over in my head if we did something wrong in their care. goodbye little guys, i'll miss you.

ex girlfriend started hanging out with one of my good friends. they hang out alone and smoke together. they also lie and say they don't hangout. i know they do. i broke up with her, so why does it upset me so much?

Things are getting rocky with the gf though our one yr was just a few days ago. Her anxiety/panic attacks have been getting more frequent/worse recently and I don't know what to do after a few days in a row of anxiety happening, since we're long distance. I know it's bad but I lose patience easily with everyone, but for her, I've always managed to muster up a bit more tolerance and being more understanding of her situation until it cools down again, but this round it's different, I just can't place my finger on what exactly it is. It's actually kind of scary.

fuck this man stomach cramps are coming back, depression is back with a vengeance, can't even think about starting to work again without having a panic attack. i havent seen my best friends in almost three weeks. i dont have any vicodin.

this has been a shitty year. please tell me it will get better. i havent felt good for a year now and it seems like there is no end

angry wall of text incoming

so, the tests to determine my ranking as a prospective lifeguard were today. the better you do on the test, the higher position you get, and the less chance there is you'll get stuck working in some pool on the opposite side of the city for the rest of the summer. beaches, which i prefer over pools, require higher rankings to work at.

long story short, i aced most of it. showed up every day prior on time, did all i was supposed to, had one of the fastest swim times and got a 100 on all of my written tests. the practical test, which i got an a on last year, involves using your knowledge in real world situations, and also happens to bear the most weight on the final ranking you get. that test was a wholly different story, though.

for the practical, you basically get paired with a partner at random and matched with an instructor, who then gives you and your partner a set of real life scenarios to see if you both know what to do. things like one and two person cpr, conscious and unconscious choking, oxygen, and treating conscious victims all play a part here.

i started the test out just fine. things were running smoothly and, although my partner had a few slip ups, i helped him out and we quickly moved on. we were both confident and i was ready to give a practical that rivaled last year's.

by the time the test was halfway done, though, my confidence had completely drained. this instructor, who happened to have the smuggest of faces on, obviously didn't care enough to help either of us out (dude just sat there cleaning his new foamposites while paying little attention to what we were doing), and so by that point i was so nervous that i couldn't think properly. of course, it didn't help that he would always laugh at our mistakes, make mean/annoying jokes about us (yes, i can hear you calling me a crip because i'm wearing a blue shirt. yes, i heard you call me a crip the other eight times) and, whenever he told us something, word it in a way as malicious towards us as possible just to make us feel even worse. i would look around at the other more supportive and optimistic instructors and think "why couldn't i have them," and i know my partner was thinking the same things i was. when we were doing two person cpr, i looked over at him, observed him visibly shaking, with beads of sweat running down his forehead and onto the mannequin we were vigorously trying to save. at the end of the test, after we had stuttered out a few final answers to his smugly worded questions, our instructor basically told us to fuck off and said that we should (ironically) be ashamed of ourselves.

the lowest possible grade you can get whilst still passing is a c-.

you know what my partner and i were left with? two c-'s and two giant puddles of sweat for the janitors to clean up. we were both set on working at beaches (which, of course, that prick of an instructor laughed at when we made the mistake of telling that to him), but now i'm probably going to end up at some shitty pool far out of my way as a result.

i'm not perfect at what i do. heck, i wouldn't even have gotten an a with my initial performance (b+ at best). but getting the lowest possible score from an "instructor" who showed me zero respect after i'd worked for two years to try my best to get the skills required to be the best worker i can be down is downright insulting.

after the test, i went home and stared blankly at a tv screen trying to cheer myself up but i just can't and now i'm writing this. i want to send an email to someone in charge to let them know how disrespected and wronged i feel, but i know that, even though one of the park district's biggest rules is that all lifeguards must be treated equally and be equally respectful and supportive of each other, they'll just think i'm a hothead who can't accept his failures. what do?

.

met a girl

crushin super hard

fuck. one of my favorite HS teachers just died last night. I may have learned the most from him than anyone else in my life. some people are saying it was suicide. fuck this world.

it's one thing to be hurt by a friend but then to find out one of your best friends talks to this person more than they talk to you when they 100% know how i feel is just like... i dunno. i feel betrayed, gross, sad, angry. i was pretty sure the friendship was unfortunately starting to end but at least now i can move on. makes me appreciate the friends i have

Our cat panicked at the vet and ran off :-((((((((((((

My dad keeps dropping by the parking lot and shaking it's food container and calling for it but it's not looking good this is so :-( Snowcat was so great

eggs

you're not a bad looking dude, don't be beating yourself across the head with that idea

really tho;

you live in a tiny town and dating is a numbers game in 2015.

don't stress it.

I'm aware it's a numbers game. But I've been putting in effort for months, trying to be outwardly confident and positive and do fun stuff/live life, but the continued, persistent lack of attraction or interest from girls is very cutting and something that ends up on the back of my mind even when I'm otherwise having a good time with friends, especially because of how easy getting girls and dating is for them.

i'm really proactive and on top of my work (partially cause it's expected of me) but with everything else i can't find the motivation to do anything

i was really lonely all year cause my friends went to college and i took a year to intern, but now that they're back i can't bring myself to make plans with them, i actually seriously need clothes and i have more cash than i've ever had in my life but i can't bring myself to spend any of it, i'll miss multiple meals in a row unless i consciously remind myself to eat

idk it doesn't even seem like actual depression - i just can't bring myself to give a shit about anything

is that weird

Are you wearing these socks and berks often?

fraternity brother has been missing for almost a week. feels like shit. hope you are safe jj

was already having a shit afternoon and then my favorite pair of socks got holes in them

FUCK

hope they are darn tuff bc those have a lifetime guarantee.

This place is one of the few things that keeps me from hurting myself and that's probably why I spam posts so much I know it gets annoying to some of you I'm sorry I just don't have anywhere else to go to talk or hangout I don't mean to bother anyone.