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Being lonely and stuff spirals fast, it's not good for the head and if you have no outlet it really eats away at you fast. While you posting here is a great thing and you're by no means annoying and such, sitting in front of a pc for hours on end can be one of the absolute worst things you can do when you feel down tho. From my experiences you start to see and think others have this great life judging from online profiles, you distract yourself from what you're feeling, the actual act of sitting there will give you headaches and make you feel crummy (i found it hard to realise this was the case at the time for myself) and it has the whole "I can. Communicate to anyone in the world while still being entirely alone" jizz which can also be detrimental and make you beat yourself up more.

It's v, v, v, important to go out and do stuff that makes u feel ~alive~ as it gets the heart pumping, releases endorphins and all round clears your head while goving an outlet to your anxiety and stress about life, opposed to distracting, postponing or living with it. everyone used 2 tell me 2 do this but I was always like lol no go away I like sitting here on the internet, but it really does work like adding brown sauce to ur chilli con carne or cracking an egg into ur 20p instant noodles to make it more filling. sports which can be Solo activity and non competitive sports are my fave, stuff like skateboarding, cycling, disk golf, swimming and so on can be great. I really like skateboarding as it's something completely foreign to me when I picked it up and watching myself get better overtime to the point where I'm able to whizz around like the tony hawk superglued to the ground is nice for the confidence, although I did eat shit yesterday smashing my face into the ground and get a free ambulance ride. I've never felt more ~alive~ than when I did that tho. It's all part of the fun, you might even meet some new bros along the way.

Gives you a sense of achievement when you come home at the end of the day and you can feel like "hey I done something cool today" and tell everyone online in the evening. Also when u meet new people you have this cool hobby which everyone is like "wow ur so cool wow such sik tekkers".... At least that's what I tell myself.

It's no miracle cure but it's the first step on the road.

Also get a good sleep scheadual, it's sooooooo important to feeling good.

You may already be doing this tho, in which case, keep it up, it gets better and ur not annoying it's good to see someone post rather than all of us sitting here consuming media 4 free with no contribution. We need more banter anyway.

Was supposed to see Pharaoh Sanders today, but the show was cancelled, and I feel like sticking my hand into a blender

Getting dumped sucks, and trying to find a way to be okay with it sucks even more.

What's with family even??? The concept?? Do I ever want a family of my own when I find my own family so impossible?? Such a middle class thing to have family problems but I have family problems and it impacts my well being!

All my family (save one) are dead, estranged, or in Western Australia, the effects of which happen to be relatively interchangeable.

a quick petty feel: how the fuck do you text? i've never texted and now i really really want to stay in contact with people over the summer and i just have absolutely no clue how
related feel: will they think its odd that im texting them all of a sudden after however many months at this point
supplementary feel: ugh im marooned in a cell phone desert so i won't get their text right away even if they reply
general feel: do they even want to hear from me in the first place

WE GOT HIM

And we picked him up from the vet and put a leash on him prepared for him to panic. He's scratching me the whole walk to the car and when we reach it he slips out of the leash, nips my arm, and finds a way out and sprints off.

We were freaking out and surrounded him under a truck and slowly ushered him out. Got him in the car this time safely, on the way home now

Wow. This was so lucky

I'm feeling more and more unsure and confused and depressed with everything I do lately and I have no idea about what I can do about any of it.

To begin with, it's seeming like a terrible idea for me to not go to college next year, even though I still have no idea what I'd even want to study or where. I just can't stay in my town anymore. There's absolutely nothing here for me. I'd love to spend the time travelling and finding myself or whatever, but I've got no money to travel and nowhere to go. There's nothing I can really imagine doing in the near (or long term) future that would make me really happy. The idea of sitting around at home for a year working a shitty part time job just so I can buy some clothes seems completely horrible, but it's likely what I'm going to be doing.

Other than that, I'm just really, really unhappy with my life as a whole. I have basically no close relationships with anyone, and I can't try and get closer to anyone without feeling like I'm being invasive in their life or trying to dump my own emotional problems on them. I get along with people pretty well on a superficial level, but I really just feel irrelevant to the lives of the people around me.

On some level, I feel like I deserve everything I I'm unhappy about, which I'm sure isn't a healthy attitude, but I just can't shake it off. I don't like myself much as a person. I don't have any real hobbies or skills, and everything I'm interested in (drawing, playing music, skateboarding) I'm just too lazy to put any effort in to get better at. I'm pretty shitty to the people around me for no real reason, and I feel really bad about it, but I can't really stop myself from doing it. I just feel really unstable emotionally, like I'm angry and sad all the time, but I just have absolutely no clue what I can do anymore. I can't really think of any way that I could be happy in the future, and it just sucks.

I don’t condone the use of benzos recreationally, but as someone who has some social anxiety and has trouble meeting new people, the ability to go up to anyone and have a conversation about anything feels so fucking good

e; i mean personally i use them recreationally, i just don't recommend it to people because it's such a slippery slope into addiction.

just got back from a date, she was really attractive but oh so boring, i mean i'm kinda wondering if it's just me not having enough social skills but omg she was boring. Almost something out of a teen comedy, me listening to her talking about her cat that used to be bewitched, and me trying to hold it together, she wasn't even kidding. I knew I should've masturbated instead

@Ramseames fuck you're right. thanks

The most boring bit of small talk I ever had was someone telling me:

"Sometimes I like to run errands whilst doing something else, like if I'm going home from work, I might go to the shops on the way."

Quit work today.

i keep fucking up the opportunities to get closer with the girl i'm into


i just want to listen to the weeknd and miguel and pretend everything is ok

you don't have to pretend.

I feel it's kinda sad that I prefer being in a mental hospital way more than being at home

Counselors said i probably didn't have personality disorder, just "anxiety and [some adjective that I don't remember] depression". Parents want me to find a religious counselor and pray away the pain. Tryna be respectful and passive and such but I'm pretty sure their religion (and my upbringing in general) caused a lot of these problems (esp self-image) and that's the last thing I wanna get back into.

Feeling v. anxious atm because I found some roommates that are incredibly cool but I have no job. They'll have to find someone else if I don't find one soon. And looking for jobs is really ugh. It's weird because I'm really desperate to get a job but when it comes to searching, applying, and such there's no motivation.

Started running again #summertrainingbois, I'd forgotten how much it sucks to be sore all the time

My parents made an executive decision to put our family dog, Trey, to sleep. I knew his health had been getting progressively worse over the past few months, but I didn't know he was this bad off. We adopted him from a shelter 7 years ago, and we always celebrated his birthday on Thanksgiving because we had no clue how old he actually was.
He was a goofball, and it was hard to see him get a little less energetic each time I came home. I think this is hitting me hard because I had no chance to say goodbye. I only got a text to tell me the news, which has been making me feel really crummy too. I would have liked once last chance to hug him

Bit of a rant. Badly written.

-had a fucking awesome friend in my late teens, very early twenties. Probably the most naturally talented guy when it comes to social stuff. Out of this world. Have one mutual friend, the three of us are pretty much inseparable.
-was really fucking close for a couple of years, had thousands of inside jokes, the cliche stuff.
-realized how much i clinged onto him, copied his mannerisms and how I yearned his approval. He could also be really needy and manipulative. decided that it maybe wasn't a very healthy relationship after all. Decided to break off contact, at least for a while.
-weeks become months, months become years, we have no contact. The third friend also breaks contact.
-we hear from other people, and from some very short and sporadic exchanges, he basically becomes a hermit, and develops social anxiety. Fucking shame.

So yesterday we run into him at a bar. We're talking 3, 4 years later. He hasn't changed at all. Still the social superman he used to be. Has us rolling with laughter within seconds, he could run for fucking president. All I can think is why the fuck did I break off contact. Turns out he's throwing a little party because he's moving abroad. To Spain. With his girlfriend, without a decent degree. You know, Spain, where the unemployment rates are still skyrocketing and youth is moving away from. I just wish he wouldn't do this. This is exactly the kind of stuff a young, desperate couple would do if they felt like they need to turn their lives around. It isn't well thought through. I know he holds a huge grudge against us deep inside and there's no way we'd become friends or anything again. I don't blame him. I just fucking hope this works out for him.

Extremely anxious about lack of job. There must be something fundamentally wrong with my work history or applications. I just got rejected by a fast food chain. I literally have no clue what to do. I'm unhirable and I need a job within the next two weeks if I'm to move in with new roommates by the end of next month.

(ten char)

spent half a shift and a night at the club with half a wrap in my bag and i came out alive and unsquished - this is a rare good feel.

edit: eating it now

going to a college that's clique-y-er than high school kinda blows sometimes

I'm tired of feeling like I'm my family's screwup. I just want to be told it'll be ok or that I did good at something.

it's been so long since I felt this happy

e

trying to channel negative emotions into a creative output is hard

Im going to be a useless piece of shit for the rest of my life

eggs