Feelings

[freddy]

sometimes i feel like an outkast bc like ~ 90% of the shit i wear nobody talks about on here :/

[Bonobonobo]

Missed the application deadline for another college I was thinking about. I knew the date, had weeks to write 600 vapid words for the essays, and i just... didn't... do them... I wish a single problem could come up in my life where I could genuinely say that I did what I could but it was out of my control. Obv to people with actual problems that's dumb as hell.
I think the reason why I put things off and don't do them is because I can't handle clear failure. The other day I basically threw a temper tantrum alone in my house because I couldn't figure out how to debone chicken drumsticks lol.

Also I'm probably addicted to the internet. Starting to think that the best job to aim for would be something that requires as little computer use as possible. When I work with my hands on something I can just focus without flipping back and forth from youtube and reddit every two minutes. Maybe I could get these college essays done if I literally just handwrote them and transcribed them on the PC.

Of course the real answer to all this is that I'm pathologically lazy. It's super simple. I don't want to work and I hate myself for it.

[adiabatic]

[riley]

my girlfriend of 1 year this thursday broke up with me today, made the last hour of my shift at work really hard to deal with, im feeling super bummed but i also feel like this has been building up for a while now. for the last couples months or so she's been really unsure of what she wants and we'd have talks about it every week about what we should do or if we should break up so it's definitely been on her mind. she told me today that she doesn't think she can be a girlfriend to me anymore and that when we started dating it was only for selfish reasons, she had recently dropped out of school and was struggling with anxiety and depression and i guess needed someone for support and i was that person. it's not all bad though because she said she's doing a lot better now and that i've helped build her up to where she is now, but now she's realized a relationship isn't what she wants and she said she wants to revel in her independence and recovery. it also comes at an awkward time in my life because we had made plans to move to fake canada together because i'm trying to go to school there in the fall and its where she wants to live as well, but now that we aren't together i don't really have a plan on how to get there. i don't have any friends in fake canada or know anyone who needs a roommate by the time school starts so i'm going to have to start looking. if anyone in fake canada wants to be friends just give me a shout. sorry if not a lot of this is coherent im kinda just typing as i go. time for new beginnings right?

[can-]

what is fake canada? this is one of those times where i can't tell if something is being censured by the CT filter.

the good news is that drake just came out with a new album. i'm writing a novel in the form of gravity's rainbow, except that instead of sex and bombs its breakups and drake albums.

[freddy]

My roommate in my group home floor just told me he ran out of food and asked me to spot him $20. Andhismom just passed :/

[freddy]

[windowflowers]

moved to montreal for school and ultimately I think it was a pretty good decision for me overall, but I've realized that being in university isn't what I want to be doing at the moment. unfortunately, I can't stay here if I'm not a student.

it really sucks to have finally found a place I enjoy living with people who I care about a lot and am attached to, but I can't​ be with them if I'm not doing something that I really feel is wrong for me right now.

[windowflowers]

university as a whole. I'm just as a whole not interested in paying a lot of money to study stuff that I could on my own time (which is basically all the programs I find appealing) and not really sure enough in what I wanna do that I would just stick it out for a degree at this point in my life.

[evilfriends]

Good on you for realising this sooner than later, then. Deciding what you want to do in life is hard enough, can't imagine having to deal with the financial side as well as having to leave a place and people you love...

Any plans going forward already?

[mknro]

I've fully burned out a month short of graduating. Need to somehow flip a switch inside to get my thesis done but feel like it might kill me if I do.
What's the point in pushing yourself so hard for years to get a piece of paper if it leaves you a shell of a human and less functional than you were going in. I thought getting this degree would bring me opportunities and set me up to do whatever I want to do in life. Instead I've gone and broken myself to the point I'm not sure I'll be able to do anything with my life at all.

[windowflowers]

still working on plans atm. there's a good chance I'm gonna stay for one more semester, just until I figure out something better to do, so I don't just wind up sitting at home doing nothing

[surfdude69]

this feedback i got on ebay really switched my mood 180

[evilfriends]

Ever since I returned from Australia in early february things haven't really felt right for me. I haven't really left my room or talked to anyone these past few weeks for various reasons including lovesickness and anxiety. I've distanced myself from most of my friends. All I do is play video games alone lately...

Over the last weekend I've decided to get my shit together though. So I reconnected with my old friends who I miss terribly, asked out a girl I've been talking to, started practising guitar very seriously again and started looking for a job. I know it's not much, and I still spend most of my time playing japanese games on my own, but it's still progress I guess

damn right. Tbh spending most of my time alone in my room is not so bad when I have P5

[surfdude69]

broke up with my girlfriend last night and i can't stop crying/listening to Roy Orbison. feel absolutely immense guilt. feels like i've just thrown a puppy into a meat grinder. the worst part is i still feel a bit of love for her but i think she latched on to how much of a self doubting person i am and p much emotionally manipulating me into feeling guilty about everything. we have to schedule a day for her to come and pick up all her stuff. being an adult is fuccing wack, back in the day i'd message her on bebo or something

[Minkhoi]

saw Kimi No Na Wa (Your Name)

;_;

[mknro]

[adiabatic]

I'd recommend seeing someone in the department. They've probably seen this sort of thing happen a bunch of times before, and might be able to give you useful advice.

Also: going to see someone doesn't sound fun, but the worst case is that they're unhelpful (which is what you expect anyway); the best case is you get a nice surprise. If you don't go you miss out on the possibility of a nice surprise.

[teck]

i have this editor that I don't see eye-to-eye with. its one of those things where we've only met once and all of our communications happen on email, but every time I email her I feel she hates my article ideas. I try to ask her for input as to what kind of pitches she wants to see and she just refers me to the website. i'm really not a confrontational person and I really want to keep writing for this publication but it's tough. what do

[freddy]

Wen u meet someone at the poker table n u feel like you really connect w socially but is only there for a few days and probably won't ever see again

(Just now)

[CheerUpBrokeBoy]

.

[Dobwin]

My girlfriend is moving out of NYC. She hates it, I love it. I will not be leaving with her. Feels bad. She started packing up her stuff today.

We've been together for almost three years.

[popcorn]

i've got a crush on someone i'm going to school w next year but i don't communicate w them so i've just been using the loneliness and self-hate as a vehicle to get into post-punk and industrial metal.

my spotify playlists are so good right now.

[cormac]

I realized recently I really, really did not understand romance. Like, I needed to google the definition of romantic feelings and think for a while about how they differ from platonic and sexual, even though I definitely feel them to the point where I can go from 0 to feelings in the course of a single conversation... I think I've been wandering aimlessly with it and I've come to a greater awareness of how I feel about other people, and who I think I am. I can't completely control my emotions when it comes to how quickly I start caring about people, but at least I know what's going on now.


I felt sad almost all day yesterday. Not depressed sad, that's more of a smothering, dull emptiness clawing at me. It was as if I had just watched a sad movie, but it stayed with me all day. It was because I started caring about someone in the course of a convo (romantic or not I'm not sure) who has problems I've been through, and is moving states away.

[zevolution]

I have been interning as an organizer at an incredibly progressive and high-functioning advocacy group/think-tank in DC for the past four months, and while it was very much the culmination of my professional and personal growth goals for the years leading up to it, now it feels more like a jumping-off point or a crossroads, in terms of career goals. Huge difficulty w/ cognitive dissonance regarding wanting to do something morally-inspired and fulfilling while still wanting to make good money going forward.

Ended up living with my grandmother in the suburbs while I'm here, which has been very socially isolating, especially when I wake up and see my friends who are spending their summer in NY on Instagram or something like that.

Sometimes I feel like seeking the silver lining is the wrong metaphor, and we'd be better off taking an approach that looks at the good things which we've been hiding/obscuring/burying under our daily worries. I'll go first?
-This is the second time w/in a year that I've moved to a completely new city to live in, and have been able to tackle it w/o the anxious fears that plagued me when I was younger.

[shar pei]

thanks to this i'm feeling really good so i'm going to grab cold noodles

[CheerUpBrokeBoy]

the violence in charlottesville today sent me into a small spiral. so much visceral hatred and rage boiling over.

i feel so helpless about it and i'm very insulated from this kind of far-right hatred, both in terms of geography and identity, so i can't imagine what it's like for people living in close proximity to these kinds of nazi rallies and POC and/or GSM people. if you live somewhere where these rallies happen, stay safe and consider joining a leftist/antifa org even if only for self-preservation

you guys are great, this forum is great and it's an example of connecting people across borders and differences that far-right ideology wants to destroy. they will lose like they always do, but in the meantime stay safe and happy

solidarity forever

[npuox]

don`t join antifa - it's a violent groub - stay safe pals (smiling)


Please don`t be rude and give me a down thumb - i Want every body to be safe here : )

[vice]

feel like i have been focusing more on stupid, inane things recently

don't really leave the apartment that much after work or weekends, haven't made many friends or reached out to the few acquaintances I have made since recently moving to live by myself in a new city

spending too much time on the internet/social media

my job is nice though

[rjbman]

My suggestion, having been in similar places before, is to quit the internet / social media. FOMO is real, but it's not a big deal in the overall scope of things.

The first few hours are pure agony but then your brain starts working again and you end up finding new stuff to do that brings enjoyment to you.