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Re: Writers Group
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Posted:
Mon Feb 03, 2014 7:28 am
by bels
We've had a lot of new users who maybe don't understand this game so maybe I should re explain it. The idea is that a nominated person must create a small piece of creative writing inspired by whichever fit was most recently posted in WAYWT when they were nominated. They post the piece in the What Is Care Tags Wearing Today thread (
viewtopic.php?f=3&t=276&hilit=what+is+care+tags+wearing) and then nominate the next person
via PM.
For the piece you can do whatever, I'd say aim for about 200 words. It shouldn't take longer than one or two sittings.
If you want to get involved then just leave a comment or something and I'll add you to the list
Current list is
Active DutyAwaiting DeploymentNot Syek
Molasses
Sister Ray
RJB
Bela
On LeaveSoundclip
Smiles
Schia
Odradek
Dwindler
Major John
Ramseams
Re: Writers Group
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Posted:
Mon Feb 03, 2014 7:54 pm
by omgimacarrot
I'd like some feedback on this vignette that I wrote for my Advanced Fiction Writing course. I hate everything I produce, but my professor says it's has beautiful descriptors. I'm more of a poetry person.
Eyes
A set of eyes can tell a story. A story of the person you love the most or run into on a New York sidewalk. They’re terrifying, yet beautiful. Some eyes are deep enough to dive in. I have examined my family’s eyes for years.
Mom was born with blue-green eyes that change with the season. Her eyes are full of compassion, full of wisdom. In the winter, the crystalline mounds on the ground glisten in her eyes from the love of the season.
Dad’s eyes are brown. Brown like a damp cave with barely any room to navigate. They are intimidating and inflicted with a scar from a car crash. My brother and I knew not to mess with dad.
But as he has grown old, they’ve softened, allowing myself to explore the pain he hides.
My brother has blue eyes. Real blue eyes. Two sapphires that thieves make it their life goal to obtain. As far as the eye can see, blue. However, he’s getting older now, creating a barrier around them.
I can’t seem to get past like when we would sit in front of the television for hours on end. The barrier runs in my dad’s side of the family.
My blue eyes are different. Surrounding the pupils is a gold streak, like a thunderstorm over an ocean in the dead of summer. Not knowing what to expect when it gets to shore. There isn’t a barrier.
It may take a while to get to shore, but eventually the sky will open. Sometimes the storm fizzles out over the ocean. Or picks up traction, unloading an assortment of wind, rain, and hail.
A mix of possibilities, all contained in eyes. Within those possibilities is giving water to the jade plant my family has neglected. Everyone was scared to make the first move, but I got up, and I watered it.
Re: Writers Group
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Posted:
Tue Feb 04, 2014 5:18 am
by bels
Re: Writers Group
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Posted:
Tue Feb 04, 2014 6:31 pm
by Stingray Sam
I'd like some feedback on a poem preformed at a poetry slam. I only got 25/30 with it, but that was kinda expected since the judges don't really know what they're doing and this was pretty against the norm for a poetry slam
we stand there waxing prophetic under street light nights
in that punk air
that punk stare
society don't want our angry glares
my pops don't want that crazy hair
so instead its stoned nights yell up high drive to bourgeois ranch castles
singing joys into the cold lights
temporary fraternal flames
that electric indestructibility
that consuming self destruction
cause i need an excuse
cause i'm a troubled youth
desperate silent yells to the stars
pleading for someone to notice
the punk air
the punk stare
my life's the centerfold of a playboy
fucked up daddy issues no appetite chain smoking pill popping self hating
and it's only 4.99 an issue
look at the pain in my eyes
the sneer on my face
the disrespect on my tongue
the anger on the bottom of my boots
so fuck you
cause i don't need you to tell me what to do
fuck you
cause i don't need your conformity
fuck you
all i need is for you to look at me
feel for me
cry for me
in this post-modern nihilism light, with electric sounds and hate filled nights
: I like Saul Williams quite a bit
Re: Writers Group
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Posted:
Wed Feb 05, 2014 5:27 am
by bels
Poem seems decent stingray but if you really want feedback you should do a recording. You can score big performing a bad poem well but seldom the other way round.
Plus when you record yourself you can work on all sorts of stuff.
Re: Writers Group
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Posted:
Wed Feb 05, 2014 6:26 am
by Stingray Sam
aside from when i messed up on "the anger on the bottom of my boots" i think this is a pretty good representation of what it was like
Re: Writers Group
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Posted:
Tue Feb 11, 2014 5:10 am
by bels
Come on who's next sort it out.
Re: Writers Group
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Posted:
Wed Feb 12, 2014 9:45 am
by bels
Good post Stingray.
You're up next. Do me a favour and do it pretty quick? Turn around on these things compared to #neknom is pretty shaming.
Re: Writers Group
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Posted:
Wed Feb 12, 2014 10:35 am
by chilljin
@stingraysam really, really enjoyed your poem - hope you don't mind but i did my own version of a reading - too much breathing but wanted to do a first impression reading
also i've not been called or anything but i love poetry and atleast try to write one shitty one daily, here's todays melodramatic rambling
Re: Writers Group
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Posted:
Wed Feb 12, 2014 3:12 pm
by bels
finally got round to hearing your poem. Was good but I think it would have been better if you got really really mad at the end, it felt a little restrained.
Re: Writers Group
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Posted:
Wed Feb 12, 2014 5:42 pm
by UnwashedMolasses
Oh right! I'd like to nominate @germinal for the next What Is Care Tags Wearing.
Re: Writers Group
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Posted:
Thu Feb 13, 2014 4:06 am
by bels
Excellent turn around time germinal and molasses. I'd like to keep a loose hip fire attitude to the WICTW posts. Anyway, current list:
Current list is
Active Duty
Awaiting Deployment
Inherently
Not Syek
Sister Ray
Bela
On Leave
Molasses
Jerminal
Soundclip
Smiles
Schia
Odradek
Dwindler
Major John
Ramseams
Re: Writers Group
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Posted:
Fri Feb 14, 2014 2:30 am
by FeministFatal
@chilljin Shit your reading is so good. As Stingray's sig other ive heard the poem a million times but i felt like I was hearing it agian in an all new and meaningful way. Your accent makes me proud to be Scottish and sad that my english language accents blow. Keep at it you are talented.
Re: Writers Group
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Posted:
Fri Feb 14, 2014 2:39 am
by FeministFatal
Also is there a screening process at being added to the list for writing about the fits? I shyly request inclusion.
Re: Writers Group
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Posted:
Sun Feb 16, 2014 3:59 am
by FeministFatal
Hey so while I have a posting streak... It would be cool if someone could listen to this poem and give me a critique. I am trying to get out of a rut and I realized I have a hard time writing poetry that isn't my "style." But I'm not sure what's working and what isn't.
https://soundcloud.com/jessica-mcquarri ... ines-day-2
Re: Writers Group
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Posted:
Sun Feb 16, 2014 6:21 am
by bels
No screening process! Anyone is welcome to join!
Current list is
Active Duty
Awaiting Deployment
Inherently
Not Syek
Sister Ray
Bela
FeministFatal
On Leave
Molasses
Jerminal
Soundclip
Smiles
Schia
Odradek
Dwindler
Major John
Ramseams
Re: Writers Group
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Posted:
Mon Feb 17, 2014 5:20 am
by Stingray Sam
Hey wrote this last, night it mostly recounts my recent experiences with anxiety. I'm planning on reading this at the next poetry slam. It is no where near finished, i'd just like some feedback on it
I
Mournful departures and mournful eyes give way to golden treetops that rise above the houses of the dead
like a dream i cannot control
like those prepubescent moments i cannot forget
slowly my anger, unfounded and directionless, my righteous self, who’s backwoods ignorant full of glory hallelujah sermons hold no water in those harsh realities
creeps up to the edge and tumbles down
down
down
A misstep, a slippery slope, a fateful miscalculation
My heart in my ears and breaths quicken
i trip back into middle school eyes, the spotlight shines so bright on the undeserved and the unwilling
In those southern cedar halls, oh so venerated, verdant, spat upon and looked up to i stumbled
hands out stretched, head hung towards the ground, mouthing silent screams i regain unsteady balance
tripping again on locks on handles on rough brick walls i fall
i fall down the stairs across the tile through the door and land on the bed
wretched howls and fitful spasms returned to pre-nascent form
patriarchal icons fill my eyes, I am not willing, no not now, i cannot accept this orthodoxy
Firm hands try as they might cannot birth me back to the gardens of eden
cause on 450 i’m like a fat crackling swine, that is apple always in my mouth
whispered conversations and paternal furrowed brows and pained eyes make the broken incantations and howls swell and swell
right now its hermitage
but right now its doors flung open for the world to see
passing tourists stop and look and touch
with that the swells break and the flames crown, in the throws of paralyzation foreign sounds escape my animal throat and chants to the idols of order escape my animal throat
II
now its white thumb and forefinger pressed together
now its mute head cradled in maternal breasts
now its regret spewing from my mouth as i run
now its eyes closed
now its morning
now its better
breathing quickens, pulse jumps
now its better
450 again
now its better
stomach drops again
now its better
can’t walk without tripping
now its better
face against brick walls again
now its better
careful steps, timid strides
now its better
now its better
now its no confidence, wake up jumps, late night distractions, and future fears
now its better
Re: Writers Group
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Posted:
Mon Feb 17, 2014 8:00 am
by chilljin
Went through a horrible day yesterday. It's incredibly rare I feel down, normally only once every few months or so, but it tends to hit me quite hard.
One of the good things, however, is it tends to inspire me to write. Couldn't think of a proper title so this is just called 'true procrastination'
A list of fruitful desires and ambitions.
Sort my life out once and for all. Yet I
Am stricken. Forced down upon my knees and
No desire to crawl. Stop.
My mind is a metronome. I rock endlessly;
Staring through my window into the void of self
Defeat. Motivation, in its simplest form, struggles to
Climb to the surface, ever being nonchalantly slapped
Down by the bolstrous bastards that go by melancholy
And empty thoughts. Slowly, I forget all that I was taught.
This can change.
It will change.
All it would take is one fucking catalyst. Stop
Relying on that fucking plant.
Change my life. For the best indeed.
I will stand up to the grey world and I will fucking chant;
'I am a man. The man you need'.
And the world will extend its broken arms and hold me forever,
In it's hopeful, warming embrace.
I'll do it. Better myself. Work out. Make
Friends. Enjoy life. Have a family.
Smile from ear to fucking ear. I
Will wake up each day with a desire to
Be me.
For I am me.
I'll do it.
When?
.....maybe tomorow.
Not too happy with this reading, but I like to make all the ones I record first impressions to try make them more natural.
Re: Writers Group
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Posted:
Thu Feb 20, 2014 3:00 pm
by bels
I nominated U inherently.
Current list is
Active Duty
Awaiting Deployment
Inherently
Sister Ray
FeministFatal
On Leave
rjbman
bela
Molasses
Jerminal
Soundclip
Smiles
Schia
Odradek
Dwindler
Major John
Ramseams
Re: Writers Group
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Posted:
Tue Feb 25, 2014 6:05 pm
by RycePooding
anyone interested in giving me some honest feedback on the beginning of something I got going? PM me your email adress if so, I have ~4k words so far, nothing crazy.
Re: Writers Group
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Posted:
Wed Feb 26, 2014 7:59 am
by bels
Feminist and Inherently did their wictwt didn't they? I guess it's sister ray now. Assuming he's still around. I'll ping him.
Re: Writers Group
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Posted:
Wed Mar 05, 2014 9:10 am
by bels
I was meant to ping him but I didn't ping him =[
Sisterray if you can hear this please give us a sign. Otherwise is up.
Current list is
Active Duty
Awaiting Deployment
Sister Ray
amikrumpingnow
On Leave
Inherently
FeministFatal
rjbman
bela
Molasses
Jerminal
Soundclip
Smiles
Schia
Odradek
Dwindler
Major John
Ramseams
Re: What Is Care Tags Wearing
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Posted:
Thu Mar 13, 2014 11:37 am
by SisterRayVU
Just wanted to say that I'm ON IT and I'm doing this one in the spoiler. Getting breakfast with the grandma and then I'm posting it up!
Re: Writers Group
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Posted:
Fri Mar 21, 2014 12:19 pm
by rjbman
bumping for WICTW.... did you pick the next person?
Re: Writers Group
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Posted:
Fri Mar 21, 2014 1:14 pm
by bels
There's noone to pick. Only can save us now.
Re: Writers Group
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Posted:
Fri Mar 21, 2014 1:42 pm
by SisterRayVU
DIDN'T IKnow i had to pick D: D: D:
Re: Writers Group
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Posted:
Fri Mar 21, 2014 2:19 pm
by bels
You don't have to pick this time. We're at the final writer.
Re: Writers Group
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Posted:
Sun Mar 30, 2014 11:08 am
by bels
Alright, great work everyone on season 1 of WICTW!
Why not go back and have a re read of some of our greatest hits?
viewtopic.php?f=3&t=276&p=18328&hilit=what+is+care+tags+wearing#p18328EIther way it's time for season 2. Anyone can sign up so if you want to write a small piece of fiction based on a care tags fit just post here and I'll add you to the list.
Now for season two! I nominate to get the ball rolling.
Current Deployment List (holler if you wish to be added):
Sister Ray
amikrumpingnow
Inherently
FeministFatal
rjbman
bela
Molasses
Jerminal
Soundclip
Smiles
Schia
Odradek
Dwindler
Major John
Ramseams
Re: Writers Group
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Posted:
Sun Mar 30, 2014 11:32 am
by bels
Hold on did actually do one or not.
Re: Writers Group
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Posted:
Sun Mar 30, 2014 12:37 pm
by oucho
this thread seems cool, I would like to have a go at writing something one day but not right now, in the meantime I keep a journal though, yesterday I tried to read through it all for the first time but I can't read my own handwriting