All is Full of Love

[schiaparelli]

UnwashedMolasses YES that is exactly what i mean and also damn you expressed that/everything so beautifully. to be able to reach out and be next to people's hopes and dreams and be capable of making a small moment or a day or any period of time meaningful and valuable to them is this very interesting kind of power (which, incidentally, i always think of power as the state of being in service to one or more people).

[iffe]

there's this girl. i hang out a lot with her, we get along really well and have fun. but i don't really have feelings for her

then there's this other girl. she rarely has time to see me, we don't have that much fun but i really really like her.

why do you do this brain.

[can-]

it's easier to entertain an attraction towards someone who you (maybe subconsciously) know won't return it.

people do this because intimacy and the idea of rejection are scary.


if you are in your teens or mid 20s and think you know what your 'type' is, it should be considered that what you're describing is actually the worst possible person you could date or try to date (not aimed @u iffe just in general)

[Syeknom]

[charybdis]

[can-]

[UnwashedMolasses]

Why not both?

[starfox64]

robert smith said it was impossible

[anonomous]

Just met this new girl a few weeks ago, got her number and etc etc, started texting her and something annoying happens. Some days we text, she'll text a fuck ton and engage in convo and my friend tells me she giggles and laughs/smiles at my texts in class so that's obviously interest right? THEN, some days she's really cold in texts and that's really annoying. Idk what she wants and i've stopped texting her at this point because i don't have the patience for that.

"why don't you ask her out?"

Well, i asked her out twice. Once to sushi, but she said she shouldn't cuz she had a headache, but i found out from my friend(girl) that she really wanted to go but because azn conservativeness (she's from like east asia.. BUT SO AM I SO, WTF), she's too shy to go without 1 partner. So she calls my friend but my friend doesn't want to so she was too shy to go. 2nd was this halloween horror maze thing but she's super scared of ghosts so w/e.

Why is she doing this hot/cold/hot/cold thing, i've already lost all my patience for this. What do you guys think?

[starfox64]

either a) arrange a situation in which you go out with a group of friends but you can still chat her up (so like dinner and then go to a bar or party or something, not a movie), or b) invite her to a party or something in which there will be other people chilling but it's not just like three or four people.

[thomaspaine]

[charybdis]

Oh my god. I can't believe people actually use the phrase "cock carousel" unironically. I thought it was just crazy internet people.

That said, the basis of this article is a lot of interviewing crazy internet people and reporting it as comprehensive fact. Journalism 2/10

[teck]

so much to unpack from that article. the whole thing -- the gaming, the expectations, the idiocy -- is just the next evolution of a very narrow, patriarchal system. it reduces humans to a number score, a series of checkboxes, a checkbook or a bra size. It would be a fun read (I'm sure the point of the article is be provocative) if it weren't so hurtful. As dwindle says it's portraying the experiences of a handful of rich assholes as the norm for millions of people. Fuck that

[anonomous]

it's ok tho, starfox. I don't really have the patience for someone being cold and hot and over and over again. Anyways! Went to this party a few days ago and i met this new girl. I think she's interested in me(?) because.. well 1st thing, she asked if she has my number in her phone, so i said no, then i gave her mine. 2nd thing, she suddenly asked me out of nowhere, if i had a gf, so i said no and i asked why? she said just wondering! Last thing was when i walked her home (with a group of friends), as she was about to go up to her apartment, she looked me in my eyes for like 3 seconds and she's like "text me, okay?" Then i told her i'll text her tomorrow or soon.

[thomaspaine]

True, the article is hard to read because of all the cringeworthy misogynistic quotes and lack of much data. Also trying to drive some type of beta male getting revenge on alpha females revenge plot. The does a better job of breaking down the dating differences between men/women as they get older.

Anecdotally it does strike me as being true though.

[teck]

i think its def true, because the the existing values placed between and on genders. the last twenty or so years focused on allowing the genders access to various monetary, bourgeois resources (big corporate jobs, money, property) without having to attack ideas of what makes a woman or man "attractive". so now you have wealthy women* who are still yoked by a system that defines their sexuality by looks, and alpha/beta males all striving to be more alpha. in other words, you've maintained the value of an "alpha male" and just told everyone to try to become that.**

*a very narrow subset of women, mind you

**sorry is this too serious?

[teck]

i thought this was funny: whenever my girlfriends friends meet me for the first time they're surprised that i'm asian. my gf (korean american) is p cool and hip and her friends are usually hip artsy williamsburg types. i guess they would think she would date a white dude? anyone ever get something like that?

[charybdis]

I mean, I think to a certain extent a lot of asians have very definite views on whether they will date asian boys, rightly or wrongly—especially when you get out of Xanadu and into places with less asians. Some people only date asians, some refuse to do so, etc. So I guess that plays into why they were surprised?

[ballast]

I have a history of dating girls who, historically, have only dated white or black guys. Their friends are always surprised when I'm introduced and they see I'm a very quiet looking Asian fellow. There was even one time at a party, when my current girlfriend pointed me out to a friend while I was about five yards away and her friend kept looking around and behind me because she didn't believe that I was the guy. I also have gotten a lot of "I've never thought I'd ever date an Asian guy."

Best was with a Singaporean ex of mine who was(is?) several years older than me. I met her family and I could hear her mom call her grandma and say that my ex is finally settling down with a nice Chinese boy, "but he's so young!"

[anonomous]

ok guys, so updates...

I went out the other night to this party which mostly consisted of black people(i was there because we started college together). This new asian girl sees me and she just stares at me. I was so heavily drugged that night, 2 joints and lots of alcohol so i can't quite remember what happened but this girl was crazy. She asked me where i lived and she memorised it till the next day. She got my number of course and she kept touching me. So.. Fast forward to the next day... she texts me again and I'm like oh hi and etc etc. She asks me to share my current location, and i told her no thanks. She shares hers and can you believe it... She was just 60ft away, downstairs of my flat.. I shit myself because this girl was totally mental. She texted "see? i'm not lying to you :DD" I'm slowly trying to ignore and avoid this girl now.

Story 2. follow up of the girl who asked me to text her, we'll call her 'Yummy'.
So yesterday, i decided to go to the library to do some math with a friend. My friend then told me that she was coming so i saved a seat beside me for her. Suddenly my 3 friends decided to leave the two of us alone and we wondered where they went, so we went looking for them. While walking around the library to look for them, we kept bumping into each other, and in one of the 'alleys' of these gigantic book shelves, she walks slower and asks me again if i had a girlfriend.. So i told her i did not, and she was more specific this time.. "Do you like anyone in our circle of friends? How about Sasha and Mag" then i told her that i don't like them and they're just close friends.. (should i have told her that i like someone in our circle of friends but not the ones she mentioned?) I asked her the same question and she just smiled. Yada yada, after a few hours of chit chatting, she leaves by cab a few hours later and before she left she did that hand sign thing and mouthed the words "call me!" which was pretty cute. I later found out that she asked her friends (who are also mine) if I'm 'good'. So they said yes..

I feel optimistic (smiling)

[charybdis]

[anonomous]

well guys... she just agreed to go on a date tomorrow night.. FOR SUSHI! (smiling))) TIPS ON DATE?

[Syeknom]

Don't think of her as somebody you want to have genital contact with, just chat with her like you would any other person. Listen when she talks and engage in the conversation. Don't force it. And it's ok to be awkward/nervous.

[odradek]

she can't articulate why, i can't understand why. this sucks.

[ramseames]

Really great first date tonight. haven't met someone this cool in ages.

[midvh]

my girlfriend and I broke up a couple of days ago
we've been living in different cities and it's been though for a while now, so it didn't come as a surprise or anything
but still
fuck

[charybdis]

Awww midvh.

----

I feel really shitty because I realized that I don't feel the same way as someone does and I don't want to hook up with him either. Trying to figure out how to nicely tell him that, which is complicated by the fact that I drunkenly made out with him.

[Stingray Sam]

So this girl that i've been sorta FWB with and i have decided to be in an open relationship. We both have a mutual love one another, but there is no desire to be constrained by a traditional relationship or to remain exclusive to one another. On a related note i met a cute guy at a party who seemed into me. I'm kinda torn about this because i think it would be interesting to be with a guy, but at the same time i don't relate at all to LGBT culture and if anyone were to ask me i would identify as heterosexual.

[odradek]

me irl

[anonomous]

So.. just had my first date last night with her. (it was rescheduled from last week cuz she was sick) She's super nice and we found out we had a lot of things in common. There was this thing she did, although it was a really small thing, imo it mattered a lot to me. We were having dinner and suddenly she got a few texts from her friend, instead of replying it right there and then she asked, "Do you mind if i reply this text ?" So i said i didn't mind and she replied and put the phone back and never took it out again.

I know this is a really small gesture that you might think doesn't really matter, but at this day and age of technology where people are always on their phones, it kinda shocked me.