teck writes emails to his boss about "young people" behavior

[teck]

Hey Boss:

Happy new year.

Young people do not wish each other happy new year. For young people, years do not have strong feelings one way or the other, and the anthropomorphization of years is, in fact, possibly racist and Westerncentric.

To answer your earlier question, the phrase "YAS KWEEN" appears to fall under Category 4 of the Rubenstein-Candor System of Common Slang: an affirmative that at once drives camaraderie and an eagerness to participate in tribalist activities while not necessarily promising said participation.

See you later for the 3pm.
-teck

[teck]

Kev:

Per our discussion yesterday after the client check-in, a “fit-pic” is a photo taken by a young person who posts it online in the hopes of finding a suitable mate (hence the word “fit” as in “hope we fit”). Think of it as a flip side of the “dick pic” (which I covered in an email on Nov 11).

As our previous research has shown, young people do not date, nor do they hook up. Rather, they use a pseudo-Edwardian approach involving a complex arrangement of social queues, fit pics, and online metrics to find partners. Exciting stuff.

Further the phrase “talk shit, post fit” is actually a semi-flirtatious invitation to connect using “fit-pics”.

See you at the conference call.

-teck

[teck]

Ted:

Post skate is a complex post-millennial subculture with its roots in Hedi Slimane’s 1995 film “Kidz”. “Kidz” is considered the first post skate film (skating officially died after the release of “Skate Or Die 2: Lost in Las Vegas” for the SNES in 1993.

Post skate centers around the internet aftermarket known as the Paved Road, which specializes in the sale and resale of items of a few prized brands such as Guess, American Eagle, Preme (the parent company of skate brand Supreme), and Mervyn's.

Post skate has recently come into renewed focus amongst today’s Internet Youths thanks to the hoverboard phenomena — many Gen Zers have a deep seated obsession with Robert Zemikis’s cyberpunk thriller “Back to the Future: Part 2” and the hoverboard scenes in the film are considered early precursors to the contemporary post skate movement.

See you at lunch.

-teck

[teck]

Bill:

The Founders Generation, Generation Z, or Generation 94 as they are called by the United Nations Mission on Youth Sub Cultures and Appropriated Concepts, is that generation born after 2001 (those born during the year 2001 are called “Mission Accomplished Babies” and constitute a special sub-class of Millennial) and are coming of age at a time of incredible technological upheaval.

Preliminary research shows that Founders do not distinguish between different screen experiences and in fact literally cannot distinguish between mobile devices and TVs (there has been a spike in injuries related to pre-teens trying to pick up flat screen TVs and place them into their backpacks). They also have trouble when asked the difference between a pizza, a pizza bagel, and a bagel with just a little cheese on it.

Founders also have a profound sense of privacy, as opposed to Millennials, who regularly tweet their home addresses and sub sandwich orders to strangers (See #Subtweets email, August 3). Founders, on the other hand, are adept at maintaining anonymity on the internet, skilled in toggling privacy settings, and prefer darknet channels for watching illegal Paris Fashion Week streams.

Have a good weekend,
-teck

[teck]

Jaime:

Supreme is an exclusive, street-savvy, edgy manufacturer of stickers and patches. Along with their main rivals — Pyrex, and the arts and crafts store Michael’s — Supreme controls nearly 85% of the street sticker and patches market.

The famed Supreme “box” logo was designed by Dieter Rams when the young industrial designer was studying in Prague and acquired an interest in skate culture.

“A designers job is to make simple, beautiful things,” Hans wrote in 1988, “this Supreme logo is the finest expression of that."

Supreme’s business model is to affix their mark on a variety of items — t-shirts, skateboard decks, hats, shoes, fire extinguishers, coffee makers, Swatch watches, bicycle helmets, teddy bears — anything that the company believes “totally shreds”, in their parlance. These “collabos” fetch top dollar at their numerous stores, which are usually strategically placed next to branches of Lids, the hat company, in most upscale malls in America. 14-year-olds, the company’s demographic have been known to stand in long lines awaiting product “drops”, and sustain themselves during these long waits by eating at Cinnabons, which, again, was a strategic choice by the company.

Today Supreme enjoys strong market position, in part thanks to partnerships with JC Penney and Macy’s. A Tommy Bahama X Supreme duffel bag is this year’s “it” bag amongst skaters and unclecore (See email on Dec 2) enthusiasts.

Have a great breakfast,

-teck

[teck]

:

"Snapsplaining", as we discussed during the Clorox call, arose out of the bohemian circles of the Pacific Northwest in the early to mid-90s. At the time, cafe and cappuccino culture (CCC) was rising as a 20th Century version of the salon, and academics and agitators alike gathered at spoken word open mics to discuss pressing topics.

"Snaps" were given instead of the usual applause when a speaker delivered an especially eloquent point, with the highest honor being an argument earning the title of "Snaplaination" -- a way of lensing a sociological phenomenon in especially relevant terms, usually involving The Cure lyrics. Such "snaplainers" were usually given ceremonial berets to mark their champion status.

Cheers,

-teck

[teck]

Phil-
Fredrik Risvik is a character in an Alternate Reality Game developed as a joint project between the Korean professional gaming league KeSPA and Scandinavian design trade guild DSC, originally meant to promote the mobile game “Nice Eames Dog Morning."

The game revolves around the fictional Fredrik Risvik, a reclusive artist who works in his beautiful but physically isolated apartment in an unnamed region of Norway. In the game, Risvik is compelled to meticulously clean his apartment and shoes for unknown reasons and players are tasked with helping Risvik break out of his beautiful but tormented life by solving clues hidden in his social media photos.

The game has been ongoing since 2013, with many gaming news websites calling the ARG “demented” and “totally absorbing”. In 2015, a group of Korean players were found starved to death in the back of a PC Bang while reportedly obsessively trying to decipher the meaning of Risvik and the game.

In 2016, a promotional tie-in with Samsung caused controversy, with some players lamenting the overt commercial intrusion while others saying it to be a natural extension of the game’s dynamics, especially given the game’s clear critique of consumerism in a post-9/11 world.

See you at today’s briefing.

-teck