Feelings

[can-]

couples who are fun to third wheel with are rare and valuable. Ive only known 4-5 of them. it's heartbreaking when they break up

[ramdomthought]

two of my best friends are dating and i feel really bad because if they break up i think i'll have to choose sides

[Spartangy]

My first girlfriend I dated for two months. She broke up with me and I couldn't sleep or eat for about two days, and several months after I was still cut up after it.

After ten days, her friend starts texting me (she needs a date to our school ball and I'm available). We start talking, and don't stop. After about three months of talking she sits in in my lap at a party, and cries on my chest because she misses her dad who lives overseas and because my dad had passed a few months earlier. At this same time, anxiety hits me full on and I begin getting panic attacks everyday, feel like and believe that I'm dying everyday. It gets better and better, eventually to the point where I can go to school and not have to go home every second day.

We get closer and closer over time of courser. We lose our virginity to each other, love each other. She becomes my best friend.

Two weeks ago, on the 18th of February after roughly a year and seven months of being together, she broke up with me. She cries and cries, but I kinda just blank out. Unlike my first break up, I eat and sleep mostly fine. I want to hate her, but I can't, and I barely feel affected by the break up. Sure I'm sad about it and tear up here and there, but life just goes on, and I'm not caught just curled on my bed thinking about her like my last girlfriend.

I met up with her roughly a week afterwards, and it was fine, maybe even good, but likely bad. Slightly awkward and just sad, but we still talked like old times. At several points we were holding hands (bad idea, I miss that), and at one particular point we even kissed lightly (and I hope like hell the girl I was flirting with earlier that day didn't see). But we're separated, and I think and feel like that's the best thing. Yet that happens, and it's likely to happen again. It feels like visiting the past, back when I had my best friend, when I felt a little bit more secure and had someone to turn to when it got too much. I just don't know.

[smiles]

probably not going to get into the MA program I applied to but I wish they would tell me because it's making me all anxious. Finding out would also increase my motivation for looking for jobs.

On another note, I'll have to move to a new flat soon. My flat is quite good for HK but I don't really feel welcome because the guy I share a room with stays in the room like 24/7 playing LOL so I always feel like i'm intruding. I'm gonna get my own single flat next and it's gonna have a nice kitchen and some nice flowers and good daylight (smiling)

[smiles]

wait this is more important.

I haven't had a bagel in like two months and it makes me sad :(

there are literally no legit bagel places in HK. I almost want to get some shipped in i-banker style.

[SisterRayVU]

At a bar last night and it was the bartender's birthday. She liked my Supreme INRI/Jesus beanie and took a picture with it and we took a picture together and she texted me the picture and it seems like we're going to hang out tonight which is really surreal. She's also four years older than me which doesn't sound like a lot but I guess feels like a lot to me because I haven't considered that I'm 'old' now. Even if we don't hang out, that's cool. People in general just like that beanie and want to take pictures of it so I like the idea that even though I am horrifically opposed to taking pictures for facebook with friends and all that that there may be a dozen pictures of me with random people and tourists switching off wearing the beanie making weird faces and I like that.

Also on the train back home, I saw this couple waiting on the platform and I forget if the girl was but the guy was wearing like maroon/red/cherry rub-off Docs and I saw the little pull tab on the back so I told him his shoes were cool and lifted up my pants a bit to show my pull tab and we had a moment and all laughed together and it was nice.

[SisterRayVU]

[schiaparelli]

[inherently]

[bels]

I have the opposite feeling where i try really hard to not let anyone think my life is cool or interesting or successful.

[greggy]

i feel bored all the fucking time

no matter what i do - read, watch tv, play games, browse, read about fashunz, whatever, there is this overarching feeling of boredom. i took a day off work last week and i couldn't find anything to fucking do after i've cooked and cleaned the house. i know i need to break this routine but it's just so bloody hard.

[exprof]

Applied to art school. Super nervous about it! My design teacher wrote the most wonderful letter of recommendation, she's seriously amazing and who I hope to be 15 years from now.

[Mippipopolous]

Just put in an application for a great new apartment for next year, hoping I get it! There's apparently been a lot of interest in it so I'll be crossing my fingers. After a terrible year in a terrible apartment this would be really really great, would be interesting living by myself for the first time too. Also putting in one with one of my current roommates as a backup, that one is nice too but not quite as great as the one I'm really hoping for. Wish me luck guys! I'll find out really quickly whether I'll get it or not.

[smiles]

it's an ma program in curating. I'm qualified and have the grades and internships etc but program is quite competitive. Only 12 spaces available!

[can-]

need a video of doing the running man in his new jeans

[jrisk]

at times, i feel like acne is the utter bane of my existence. I've had to deal with it for most of my teens and now into my twenties. it's nowhere as severe as it could be but I hate feeling like I barely have any control over it. I follow a super strict regimen that sometimes seems to help until I get another bad week. been to the doctors a few times over the years, most times he seemed really apathetic about it and said it wasn't bad enough to see a dermatologist. got meds that I took for months and months with no result. I finally set up an appointment to see a dermatologist this week which I hope will be the nail in the coffin for it.

I feel like once I get it beat, I'll be pretty much as attractive as I hope to be. that's probably BS though. if I'm busy enough, I'll mostly forget about it so sometimes I can ignore it enough for it to not affect my confidence. It would be really nice for it to not be a factor in my life.

[sparkyoriental]

- how did you get started with writing your own music? I sing and play a few instruments but I've never written any music of my own, just played in a couple bands for fun. I've been playing around and writing a little but I feel overwhelmed and lost. Any tips? I've just been staring at a staff and writing stuff that I think would sound good, which I don't think is an especially good way to go about it.

I also have terrible performance anxiety, I can only sing in front of my professors or judging panels...need to get over this ASAP. I also feel like I'm not very musically creative, I can sing classically and within that narrow range but I struggle with actually creating anything of my own.

I just want to sing fun pop dance music.

[agvs]

[jrisk]

you guys are so cool.

, I tried to go dairy-free a few months ago but failed miserably. Lifestyle changes are harddd. I'll bring it up with the doc and see if they think I should make better effort.

, that's definitely true; I don't really notice acne when it's on other people. hard to think that way when you're looking at yourself in the mirror from two inches away though.

[bhajz]

why can't u delete posts

[birdman caw]

I wouldn't say I've had shitty parents––beyond a messy divorce and some very questionable decisions they've been great and I love them, but I look at some of my friends and relatives who have been really fucked up by shitty parenting and I just don't understand it. They're your kids. They depend on you. For a while, they can't survive without you. They're your kids jesus christ the idea that you could be anything besides loving and caring and kind to them is so alien and wrong I can't even wrap my head around it, despite all the stories I hear. I dunno, it freaks me out.

also fuck catching feelings for random people you meet

[balloons]

was talking to my girlfriend about my feelings a week or two ago and she sort of snapped at me for bringing her down and how can I always be like this. I think she was just kind of more-stressed-than-usual that day and took it out on me

but now that I've stopped telling her about most of my problems, I don't really have many outlets for my feelings/woes/stresses/etc, so it all sort of bottles up. leads to a lot of frustration/depression/resentment/apathy/etc.

think I'm gonna start going to the gym again but take it more seriously now because I read somewhere that it triggers hormones or endorphins or something and I could use the fitness anyway (I've lackluster body + I'm weak as fuck).

beyond that, not sure. how does one form relationships within their peer group in which they can confide openly without bringing anyone down or feeling uncomfortable w/ self-disclosure? does the discomfort w/ self-disclosure stem from myself (after all, I was a lil nervous sharing this here)? does someone being brought down stem from the way I phrase my feelings (sound like complaining/whining as opposed to venting or something)?

(and also where can I learn how to fix my diet / know what to do in the gym?)

[verilyvert]

[lostie]

[birdman caw]

I only know you very briefly over an internet fashion forum but really, really thank you for weighing in. I'm not sure I accept or could ever accept a parent underestimating how much he/she effects his kids, but you've offered a great perspective on this, so thank you. You seem like an incredibly level-headed and honest and loving individual, and more than that you have the capacity to forgive something I'm not sure I ever could. That's admirable beyond words.

[lostie]

also shoutout to everyone on care-tags for making this place so safe and welcoming and caring and loving. y'all are the fuckin greatest; this one's for you-

[sparkyoriental]

, To add to 's reply and the general discussion, I think people underestimate how difficult it is to be a parent. There's been quite a few posts on this thread about depression. Imagine being depressed, anxious, insert ______ and then have a child that needs 100% attention, care, and love. I don't have kids, but I can imagine it's mentally and physically exhausting. In addition, everyone has personality flaws. We can be petty, immature, mean, aggressive, and angry by nature. I think people expect parents to be "perfect" human beings who always make the right decisions, say the right things, and think the right thoughts towards their children for the sole reason that they are parents, and that's completely unreasonable and frankly impossible.

I had a similar upbringing to lostie, a lot of abuse, neglect, CPS, etc. and left home when I was a junior in high school. At the time, I was confused and hurt, "how could my family do this to me? why don't they love me? why do they treat me like this?" I didn't understand it when I was a child, and my only exposure to what a "family" should be like was on TV (which is unrealistic at best). Now that I'm an adult and haven't lived at home since I was 16, I'm a lot more understanding and actually have quite an okay relationship with my parents. What helped my family and my relationship with my family heal was the realization that my parents both were having a lot of personal issues (depression in particular) when I was growing up and that that was projected onto me. I didn't deserve it and it was objectively horrific, but understanding their motivations was very important and now my family has a relationship that is developing and becoming more positive.

[sparkyoriental]

you know when you meet someone for the first time and it's immediately apparent that 1. OMG we need to be friends and 2. this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship? I'm getting those vibes from you bb girl. ^_^

[lostie]

[purkinje]

I'm a hot mess right now, behind on schoolwork, completely shrugging off responsibility for a section I edit in my school newspaper (which is fucking up a really great friendship I have with the EIC), have a girlfriend that a lot of my friends disapprove of, and feel like I'm drifting away from the friends I've made over the past four or so years. I'm trying to sort out my priorities but I can't seem to get motivated. I just want to curl up in bed and do nothing.