Feelings

[chilljin]

Passed my first year of uni with a 2.1, somehow ^_^_^_^

over the moon

[seth83292]

I just found a letter my parents wrote and hid in my suitcase :')

[can-]

if instead of writing all these things on the internet you voiced them to the person of interest, you would be well on your way to resolving your anxieties surrounding this relationship.

[bouquet]

You're definitely right, and that's the right thing to do. Also reading back through those posts my situation sounds pretty pathetic. Sorry.

[blankinput]

[jrisk]

been hanging out with a pretty cool girl that I met from okcupid. she has jennifer lawrence's eyes, this kind of amazing confidence and she also likes rob lowe. shaping up to be a really fun summer romance.

[maj]

increasingly aware that i have the ability to be a massive cunt to people, specifically my family and often reacting with extreme anger, swearing and shouting. out and about I'm the most timid, polite person ever yet when i'm around my family even the slightest thing will set me off, gradually raising voices until I'm in a full blown shouting match and screaming stuff i don't really mean and more often regret 30 seconds later. i can sense it coming when someone says something, it'll usually be them coming when it's nice and quiet either ranging from trying to talk to me about something to "moaning" at me for something i haven't done, i try to tell them to stop but they keep going and i increasingly get louder. it mainly happens with my mum because she and i are so alike, we don't like to be told to be quite and we like to get our point across and as such it results in these awful shouting matches, i've tried to tell it to her before but she has her own issues and more often than not we clash about something silly.

i really hate it when it happens and always regret it, try to fix and prevent it after and before it happens yet we always come back to this same circle of shouting, crying it out and then trying to keep out of each others way too much for a week or two before it falls back in on itself. now it's summer i don't really have the option to stay out of the way all day unless i stay in my room and dont walk around the house, walking past i get comments of "dont do this" "dont do that" it's the only interaction i get from family members in my house and it has led me to put up a wall and react with anger to almost everything. just today i walked out of my room already feeling a bit shitty because she had already came in moaning about the state of my room (in all fairness it is a mess) and that led to some heated tension, only to hear a beckon of "don't go in the kitchen the floors are wet i'll make lunch after" to which i thought the appropriate response was to relate it to her being the gustapo and go off in a fit off rage. i feel fucking awful.

this has all been made worse as i'm currently struggling with stomach problems which have funally been resolved, but the whole 6 month ordeal left me an utter nervous anxious wreck unable to leave the house for days/weeks at a time. some days i wake up i feel fine and i go about my business meet and talk with people, others i wake up i feel shitty and efter eventually dragging myself out of bed reluctantly walk around being generally quite trying to avoid people. work seems like the only normal thing in my life right now as it's structured, does everything for me and there are occasionally people i actually want to see which usually cheers me up on days like this.

i've been to see my doctor several times but he hasn't noticed anything major about my behaviour, given me a few breathing exercises to cope with the anxiety and that's about it. that said because of englands stiff upper lip attitude it's hard to get anywhere without being told to man up, or chin up and to some extent i feel like i should just get on with it, i have nothing to be sad about, i'm not poor, i have a job, i have a house, i have friends ect ect and some days it's great. but others i just wake up and feel like shit, just want to sleep and lie in bed (which is ironic as i barely ever nap/ go to sleep before 12/2 at night). it's just hard to tell people "yeah i feel like shit some days but others i'm fine" without it coming off like i just have bad days and am a miserable cunt. and only made worse that i'm outgoing and happy, cracking jokes and smiling so people don't really get why i'm like this, and neither do i. generally i even hate writing stuff like this and feel it's pathetic as this is a fashion site, it's light hearted fun and i don't really want to be depressed middle class white kid on the internet no 1223456786543 but i recently shouted at my mum and the dog was watching, which was recently rehomed and has it's own issues (common theme with my family right?) and it's pretty shaken up, now hates me and i feel extra shitty about it.

[raags]

Maj dunno if you're at University or still in School but may be worth seeing if there are any free counselling services or whatnot available - Universities here have them. Also not sure what the situation is in the UK but in some places you can get a dr's referral to get some free psych appointments or something. Meditation helped me a lot with anger and I can relate to your situation a lot as the worst aspects of my personality tend to come out around my family. Best of luck with it all. You're a good dude

[bels]

Maj I'm sorry to tell you this but it's all the CP. It's taken control of your nervous system and reprogrammed you into a proper mardy lad. Unless you stop wearing it within years you'll be drinking WKD, taking your shirt off as soon as the sun comes out regardless of the temperature and worrying about immigrants.

[freddy]

was just on the phone trying to qualify for an autism research study (in the "normal" control group) to be disqualified because i smoked up within the past two months :/

[charybdis]

There is nothing more distressing than finding out you lost your wallet the night before right you're lining up to be screened by the TSA.

[anonomous]

Visited my grandparents over the weekend in another country and the scariest thing ever happened. My grandma ( 80 years old) fell down a whole flight of stairs (around 12 steps) at her home and my mom discovered her on the floor, passed out with a pool of blood behind her head. Mom screamed which woke everyone up at 5:30AM and we all rushed out to see what the commotion was. Looking at my mom, holding her mom, putting pressure on the back of her head with a towel soaked full of blood was scary as fuck. What's worse is that there was already another towel on the floor full of blood. At that point i really thought my grandma would be leaving my life forever.. Dad then called the ambulance and they took quite a while to come, but they finally did. My grandfather held my grandmother's hand all the way to the hospital and kept assuring her everything would be ok was the most touching thing ever. Rushed to emergency and they checked her and everything. Turns out she ONLY suffered a large 3cm cut which was 1cm deep and a few other cuts.

My grandma literally escaped death. No fractures, no spine damage, nothing at all except cuts. She even got discharged on that same day. Funny thing was she kept begging the doctor to discharge her earlier so she could send one of my cousins off to university and the next day she also wakes up to clean the house up and wash her clothes even though we told her not to approach stairs or move around much anymore for at least a week, until her stitches are removed. How selfless can she be?!

Seeing my grandma this close to death made me appreciate life a bit more whilst making me realise how sudden death can come knocking on our doors. I hope all you guys out there are living your lives to the fullest and being the best you that you can be!

[smiles]

aw yeah, 1st class honors. Satisfying way to end university.

[JtotheWhat]

I am not a person who usually spews their emotions, and I honestly pride myself on being even keel in most situations, I am pretty good and staying calm in even terrible circumstances, but I have been having a hard time this past week and just stumbled on this thread..so why not?

I just got back to my hometown in Saskatchewan, Canada from 18 months in Seoul, South Korea and it's been a struggle. If you know where Saskatchewan is you know it's basically the polar opposite of a bustling metropolis like Seoul, I was not ready at all to leave as I love Seoul and could see myself living there for a long time, but I have about one and a half more semesters of University to finish in Canada that I had to come back for so not much choice. That would have been fine but I have been dating my girlfriend for about 7 months now and I actually quite like her, in the past I always like a girl and after dating it becomes more and more apparent that she's not ''the one'' (for lack of a better word), but this has been the opposite. Anyway we're making a go of the long distance thing, and she's coming here for a visit in September.

I told myself I would be positive and keep busy so as not to be negative or turn into that guy everyone hates who bashes his hometown, but it's been really hard to readjust. Life here just moves at a crawling pace, and it's a little bit creepy at times that those around me don't seem to notice. I've been back 6 days and I have started a heavy class load and working part time and two local clothing stores I worked at before I left to keep my mind occupied, but it's not really working. Additionally, In the time since I got back my car (a VW, not cheap to fix) has had a serious meltdown that I don't have money for, and a rental property I own has had the cellar flooded (a cellar that was renovated beautifully less than 4 years ago).

I also haven't been in an argument with anyone for as longas I can remember, but my parents have the ability to bring the worst out in me. I just find my blood boiling whenever I am around them, I can relate to maj's post on the previous page. It makes me feel terrible, I'm an adult who has lived all over the world and worked all sorts of jobs with terrible people, but I can't keep my cool with my aging parents who have given me everything?

TL;DR : Reverse culture shock, miss my girlfriend, car/house problems.

[oldtrailmix]

i never realized how much i missed speaking french until tonight, went to a friend's house and they're hosting a foreign exchange kid. also made me realize how mad rusty i've gotten. i think i'm going to start consuming more french media, maybe try and keep a journal again, and change my internal monologue from time to time.

when you live in a small town foreign exchange students are like the last unopened present on christmas you find under the tree. you attach strange, wild hopes to them in earnest, only to open them and find inside nothing more than you aught to have expected. however you're that much more spoiled for being unrealistic and not getting whatever extravagant, perfect thing it was you thought you needed.

i'd really like to go to college now.

[freddy]

sometimes i feel like when people meet me, or i meet people, they can never "un-meet" me

[tomsfood]

our dog ran off into a field because she was scared by fireworks, this was in another state too and a day later and she still hasn't turned up. come home soon piper :(

[balloons]

last night a close childhood friend of mine confided in me that she cheated on her boyfriend pretty much throughout all of yesterday. she was talking about how she feels horrified now but at the time she felt "awesome" and that the guy she cheated with "fulfilled all the things that she didn't like about [boyfriend]". I guess something about how he was more assertive sexually or something. I tried to be as nonjudgmental as possible and honestly really really appreciated that she trusted me enough to tell me

just now another friend of mine called to tell me that her boyfriend had been cheating on her for the past few weeks and she just found out. I offered a shoulder to cry on, actively listened, all that good comforting stuff, but meanwhile in the back of my head though I'm sort of appalled at how widespread infidelity seems to be. like, what the fuck, these are people I know well, I would never have expected them to do something so egregious. it's pulling at threads of trust issues I have within my own friend group/relationships. if [friend] didn't know her boyfriend was cheating on her for weeks, there's certainly no way for me to know that type of thing within my own relationships. it all comes down to trust, and I guess right now I'm just suffering from something like after hearing so many doom&gloom unfaithful relationship stories. just feeling really fucking horrified that someone - close friends of mine, even - could violate a person they [act like they] are so close to.

[purkinje]

It was a beautiful breezy 70ºf day and I went blackberry and blueberry picking and then had free Italian food at a graduation party and then had tea with friends. I am full and it is a reasonable temperature. Life is good and I leave for college orientation tomorrow!

[silvaeri]

i have a little kitten crawling on me/curled up in my lap right now and it's sort of helping me feel better about how shitty i've been feeling lately.

pic of said cat:

[Stingray Sam]

holy shit duuuuuudes i am so high am i hearing voices upon the deck so highh the are muffled a girl and a boy holy shit the room is spinning can't stop talking about the beat holy shit am so hi voices i can hear hem they're actually people it is clear now !!!!!!!! ca n not stop laughing need to take time to bbreath where is herby holidays!?! :sweg :swegger: :hoop:

[WikiZuHeltzer]

My gf got us tickets to see the libertines in Hyde Park last night and it was really scary. I saw people being lifted out of the pit with broken arms and shit, massive gashes to the head and some just out cold. This was before they even came on stage. It was horrible. My gf was getting more and more panicked about it all but was insisting we stayed because it was my birthday present and she didn't want to ruin it which was freaking me out a bit because she's tiny and I was pretty sure she was going to get hurt if we did stay.

They came on and we got slammed against the central barrier so hard that I was winded, my arm went numb and I have a huge bruise on my hip. Luckily I absorbed most of the force and she was ok, just a little shaken. It just got worse and worse, and I could see she was panicking so I got one of the paramedics to pull her out and I jumped over too. This was after 2 songs. Its the most scared and upset I've ever seen her and it was not cool or nice at all. I hated seeing her like that. The band kept having to stop playing because people were getting crushed or trying to get out and because people were pushing so hard the security people/paramedics couldn't get to them.

As we were being lead out one of the security people took pity on us and let me sit her down in the VIP area to the left of the stage to calm her down and basically left us there, so we weren't sent to the back or had to leave or anything and could still see the stage really well and weren't being pushed about which was waaaaaaaay better. My gf kept apologising because she thought she'd ruined it which isn't true at all, there was no way we were going to enjoy it where we were and it wasn't going to get better. Shes fine now, she's gone to a family do today and it all seemed forgotten and when we got in she didn't have any nightmares or anything and slept better than I did, but its shaken me up pretty badly :/.

[bels]

Found out that my uncle has guillain-barré syndrome. The prognosis isn't too bad but my mom wants to fly over there and the flights are super expensive right now because it's peak season. One of those times where it feels like money really just flat out solves problems like distance and time. Makes me feel kind of stupid spending it on crap I like just because it's cool.

[MxmHrpr]

@WikiZuHeltzer Sounds awfully similar to an experience I had at a festival. Split a bottle of rum with my friend and some people we met at Bombay having the time of our lives in a tent, decided to go to main stage to catch a good place for The Strokes — though not realising that there was a ~2hr Pulp performance before. Consider that I only really knew Common People, had to take a slash in the crowd and was coming down off the rum. I hated it, but as I'd made a credible commitment for The Strokes as I was so excited I decided to stay. After they had performed two songs with lacklustre energy and then some crackhead literally punched me in the back of my head repeatedly for my place near the barrier, had to fall back and spent the rest of the set concussed and eating £7 noodles right at the back — I would have killed for a VIP area and Casablancas to actually pretend he wanted to be there.

[breakadawn]

idk if this is the right thread, but I just missed my university offer by one point. One damn point. I still got into my insurance uni, which is a good school, but I feel really fucked over given how hard I've worked. I'm seeing people left right and centre getting the grades they want and I just feel like I deserve it more. It's still possible to get in since I got excellent grades in the subjects that actually matter for my course, but begging to their admissions department like a dog really isn't the way I envisaged it happening. My girlfriend isn't even here to comfort me. Had 3 glasses of wine instead. Not the best of days.

[WikiZuHeltzer]

depending on where you wanted to go to uni it might be worth getting into contact with the course coordinator for the subject you want to study. I worked closely with the Students Union and Admissions Office at Reading University in the UK and they tended to take quite kindly to people who had just missed out if they showed they were enthusiastic about the subject and were actively looking for ways that they could attend - there might be something else in your personal experiences/academic CV/professional CV that would make up for the dropped point. In any case it's worth giving them a ring and asking if there's anything that you can do (smiling).

[tomsfood]

Update: my aunt found my dog!!!(smiling)(smiling) welcome home piper!! So happy right now

[starfox64]

[freddy]

regarding comment; what's y'alls general stance/reaction when a friend (self-admitted or not) cheats?

[can-]

people cheat for different reasons, i know people who have cheated because they were in relationships they didn't know how to get out of and it was at least as painful of an experience for them as the person they cheated on. i have sympathy for these people. I cheated in an LTR a million years ago because i was insecure and had a lot of resentments towards my girlfriend. i'm not proud of it but it doesn't haunt me.

i know people who seem to cheat flippantly and easily because they have commitment anxiety and low regard for others feelings. it makes me critical and sad.

i don't know any cheaters who are laughing all the way to the bank, as a manner of speech. people who cheat on others are fundamentally incapable of managing or keeping intimate romantic relationships, so at the end of the day they probably deserve pity more than scorn.