Feelings

[odradek]

unfuck your head and turn your section for the school newspaper in. your EIC and probably a not insignificant number of other people are hinging on that, that's not yours to screw up. tell your friends you care about them but that you need to get your head right and to forgive you if you're distant. go to the library, leave your phone behind and buckle down on schoolwork for two hours a day. go for a run until you puke. run a little more. dry heave. sit down and cry. run home. your head should be clearer.

if you've got an obligation and you're not sure when to do it, use this simple metric:

[RomanEmpire]

Finally had a really good day.I feel like I actually did pretty good on my Calculus test, and we got 1's at Full orchestra UIL today! I didn't think we would be able to get it this year, the sight reading didn't go to well so I expected 2's instead of 1's. But we got 1's and I have never been so happy and satisfied with getting 1's before. Afterwards some friends and our director went out to eat at Taco Bell to celebrate.

Here's the trophy we got!

[RomanEmpire]

@ I play the violin, but it's not actually mine, it's the schools. I'm gonna miss it, I've been playing for almost 3 years and have 1 more to go. I want to buy one, but I don't wanna buy a cheap one and have it end up being a downgrade from this one.

[JonjoShelvey]

i haven't cried in about 3 years. i think my antidepressants dull my feelings. i want to stop taking them but then i will want to die

im a worthless sack of shit. i am ugly. i hate myself. i can't focus on my work and it makes me feel useless. i wish i didnt work with computers. i wish i washed dishes or was a plumber. something more fulfilling than making someone else money and not seeing any of it. i wish i could talk to someone but i dont want to burden my friends and family with my problems because i know it makes them worry. im pathetic


anxiety makes me want to shave my head (strange) but i know i will regret it later. i dont know if it is worth it for some relief.


fuggg

[iamacyborg]

I haven't physically been able to cry since I hit puberty, despite wanting to on a few occasions since, don't worry about that side of things.

[sknss]

I haven't stopped crying since I hit puberty

[SteevMike]

fucking shit i do not want to get a root canal

[freddy]

I haven't cried thus far in 2014. I cried approximately three times in 2013.

Lately, I've also been craving intense feels for someone to cuddle with to share the matrix of intense intersubjective connection of intimacy and for her to gently rub my chest from behind, which gets me extremely turnt.

[verilyvert]

[iffe]

Good feels today.

I was very tired and bored in the morning, so I decided to grab my camera and an extra roll of film and head to the city. I wandered around for an hour or so, shooting street photos. I think I got a nice photo of a woman giving a dog the evil eye. I just hope I didn't miss focus on that one. Also shot some photos of peoples' reflections in store windows. Oh my, it sounds so cliche and horrible when I write it out.

Anyway, I finished the roll and popped into a cafe to take a break and load the next one. I saw an old school buddy there and we talked for a bit. It was nice to catch up and nice to see that he was doing well. I loaded the roll and got a call from a friend. He was going out to ride BMX and asked if I wanted to come and take some photos. Hell yeah.

The spot he was going to was new, I hadn't been there before. It was so cool and I found a ton of good angles. I'm confident that I got some really nice photos, now I just gotta go to the darkroom and get my dev on. I shot a whole roll of him riding and then walked home. Here's a phone pic of the spot.

[inherently]

got into a competitive math REU program and I am currently over the moon!

[Mippipopolous]

You guys, I got my top choice apartment for next year! I'm so so excited! I hadn't heard back from them so I was pretty much giving up hope and other options set in place, then they flew in under the wire and told me they wanted to rent to me. I could even possibly get a cat for next year! I'm really so happy about it after a year in a horrible apartment and then the year before in a stuffy dorm, this is just great news for me (smiling)

[JonjoShelvey]

thank you all for the kind words. double thank you to verilyvert. i ended up shaving some of my head and it helped a little, but all your responses really helped a lot.

i realize i have to change some things if im ever going to truly love myself. i am on an SSRI(Zoloft), and my doc wants to change meds after winter is over. i am gonna look into CBT.

thank you all so much you all really helped me so much yesterday.

[purkinje]

It's really refreshing hearing about other people's lives with a kind of sincerity you don't always get in day-to-day life. You guys are great.

I hadn't cried for a year or so until about a week ago when I saw a videotape of 3 year old me playing with my Grandfather who passed in 2004.

[fun_yunchables]

I have this old friend from high school who attends undergrad at the same school I'm at. We chilled from a bit back but he seems to only contact me when he needs a ride somewhere or he sees some of my cuter friends

I told him to cut that shit out and he hasnt talked to me since. oh well, here's to burning bridges

[silvaeri]

[kyung]

What a shitty week

Got into a fender bender earlier this week and not an hour ago I got into my second accident of the week. I got back and my dad was just beyond pissed. Got kicked out of the house for a bit so I'm just wandering at the moment. Might share a pack of ciggies and some beer with friends. Feeling kind of numb to it all right now. I never really felt like I was at home at school so coming back to my actual home and going through this has me at a loss.

I'm sure my dad needs some time to cool down and it's nothing major, but it still feels pretty shitty. Dunno what I'm going to do tonight.. Hope care tags is having a better week than me

[Bobbin.Threadbare]

Went to get my beard trimmed and neatened up but the guy did the worst job of it ever. Had to crop it super short after. Oh well.

[schiaparelli]

[freddy]

I had all the friends in the world, but my personal conflicts regressed so much it overwhelmed and severed my relationships with them despite many of them reaching out. What was really the issue was not growing up in a stable family environment, so my personal emotional needs were never acknowledged or met, thus I had repressed them over time until conflicts in typical life became the catalyst for a mental breakdown (in which I resorted to Reddit and fashion as an escape and coping mechanism), where you've reached your limited encapsulating yourself from expressing such needs. Many times, it's difficult for friends to reach out if you lose emotional-attunement and connection with them once you've regressed. A therapist is great to establish an alliance with someone whom will professionally help you untangle the convoluted past experiences, so you can amass internal security w/ an empathetic ear that your parents may not have been able or know or afford to provide. A lot of your personality structure or core personality stems from how you grew up in relation to your parents, all types of friends come along the way depending on your personality and interests. The relationship for friends are very dynamic in that they're unfortunately more situation-oriented and context-dependent, whereas parents are forever internalized in your mental headspace for the eternal security they are suppose to ingrain you with. It's difficult to put friends in the position for your personal emotional needs that parents weren't able to tune-in and help you, sometimes their reaching out can only go so far, and much of it has do with much deeper insecurities/issues growing-up.

To engage in therapy with a therapist is a good thing, don't be deterred by the negative stigma and misinformed ignorant shaming out there for utilizing professional help. Many folks are likely in the same boat on being able to more openly vulnerable with their emotions, some people will bottle-up their feels because of their family culture disbelieving mental health (and not knowing about Freud) or that they simply don't know any better. Realize that by standing-up to these usually issues of intergenerational conflicts that were likely unfortunately bestowed upon you during childhood and the relationship with parents will be worthwhile in consideration for the future generations that come thereafter you. Being more emotionally-open and emotionally-connected with others is a good thing, forming secure relationships (which is a two-way street) are a pathway towards a life full of vitality.

[starfox64]

bought some plane tickets.

moving to New York next month.

[JonjoShelvey]

[TheLouisVuittonPawn]

I'm in this odd stage where I feel good emotionally (or at least better) but my life is getting worse. I haven't been to school for 3 days but for some reason that feels ok even tho it shouldn't. Maybe the medication I've started taking has improved my mood but can't or isn't helping me recover my sense of motivation or purpose.

[starfox64]

[eufemism]

i honestly have a problem talking to new people because i feel like i have nothing new or worthwhile to contribute. i need to get out more and just talk to people.

[starfox64]

leaning towards crown heights.

[Spartangy]

How bad is it to lead a girl on just as security in case another one you're chasing drops you?

[ramseames]

imagine yourself in that position

[rudy]

I've interviewed a grand total of 17 times over the past month (much of those within the same 4 companies). I found out today that I have a grand total of 0 offers for the summer. Absolutely fucking devastating. I've been putting so many hours of my time into these applications since November, skipped class to fly on site etc., and now I have nothing to show for it. I'm all for understanding the role of randomness in this sort of process, that you should cast a big net and understand that maybe your interviewer is experiencing indigestion from his breakfast this morning and that there is nothing you can do to reverse that... but damn. When your sample size is this big it actually starts to get depressing. It's gonna take everything I've got to start up this bullshit process again. I've decided it's time to start self identifying as a Native American female engineer.

[Bobbin.Threadbare]

This time last year (ish) I was scratching around for working and pitching and applying for tonnes of jobs. It was horrid and devastating. Now, I'm basically working three jobs and I'm totally overstretched.