care-tags.org

The unthinkable has happened and I've started seriously talking to a guy. Met through okcupid (doomed from the start yea) and he's totally awesome and cute and all that. Problem is he lives about 8 hours away from me. Trying to find the best way to balance myself. Don't want to become too involved, but I don't want to detach myself from something that could just be casual.

But does he have cool clothes?

Long talks with mom are the best. She always knows how to make me think about things/life events differently and I feel better about it after, even if I don't realize it for a few days. Gonna miss her next year at school:/

These last two semesters have been going real swimmingly. Last year, I learned I had a LOT of growing to do the hard way. Worked myself back to a good spot in a grade sense and kept going. Made some even bigger changes recently, adding to social life and general health and shit. Really good to see everything starting to come to fruition. But, I committed to a lot of things, perhaps more than I should have and it's all coming to a head these next weeks. But I feel ready and able to tackle this shit. I have 2 tests, 1 CS program, a paper and a 2 day conference in Richmond all between tomorrow and Wednesday. Then next Saturday is an event my SGA committee put together, and the week after that is a breakdance jam I've been working on. Old me would never have even tackled this shit though, just tried to coast through college. But now I feel like the goddamn man. I try to measure my success on my own feelings and sense of accomplishment but damn is it good to see peers recognize the shit you're doing. I always read people talk about next level shit and I never fathomed the reality they spoke. I never imagined I'd be too busy to really do nothing but sleep, eat, do school work and do side projects. I never imagined I'd be a part of 2 huge events. Never thought I'd be one of "those guys" that people saw as someone who could get shit done. Never thought people who inspired me and pushed me and helped me through harder times would now be looking up to me and asking me for help. Fuck mediocrity. If you put reach into the universe, it will reach back. Just make sure you're reaching forth in a positive way.

Girl things did not go over well. Time to move on I guess, or at least give things more time. I should probably give myself space and be single for a while but I'm not going to lie, not having the chance to just "be with someone" really sucks.

fuck. fuck fuck fuck fucking fuck. fucking shit.

I've been spending the past few weeks studying for the math subject GRE and I was ready to take it today at my university. I get there about 15 minutes early, and all of the building doors are locked. Cue panic for for about 5 minutes. I called ETS. They tell me that my test center had been changed to a local high school 45 minutes away. I was not informed about this change. The next available test date is in about 6 months. They're getting me a refund, but I've spent weeks preparing for this shit and giving up my free time and not hanging out with my friends and fuck.

I'm so mad and there isn't anything I can fucking do about it. fuck.

Final run of Richard III is over, it has been absolutely fantastic. Got filmed by the BBC on Thursday which is incredibly exciting.

In end of cast tradition, we all signed each others programmes. One of the Chinese girls signed mine and gave me the best possible note to make me feel.

bunch of mutual friends got invited to hang out tonight by my ex-gf. wasn't really interested in going at all, but they kept giving me shit for "not letting it go" or "why i hated her so much." I don't hate her really, but some feelings are hard to get over. (this is the same girl that essentially told me i had "no right to be sad" after my friend was diagnosed with cancer because he had it so much worse than i)

i dunno if it's immature of me to be like this, but my reasoning is that i am able to choose who is a part of my life, and i've chosen to remove her from mine. it was a toxic relationship, and there were times where i felt the lowest i've ever been

so now im just wandering around my empty apartment, trying to decide what to eat for dinner, failing, and snacking on bbq chips instead

*shrugs*

It's been 8 months since I broke up with my ex gf, and I still don't think I'm over her. I thought her birthday was soon, so I went to verify with fb and I found out she's in a relationship. I don't really know what I'm feeling, but I've never felt it before.

friend walked out tonight without settling up his bar bill. seriously who the fuck does that?

Buddy of mine does it fairly often. He's such a regular there that the manager just texts him the next day giving him a heads up.

Funny story: the first week of classes last August, he was at the bar since about 2 and his "21" stamp wore off. New bartender asked for ID and he refused, "I come here all the time now give me a drink!" so she grabbed her manager about him, who greeted him by name and asked what he'd like.

I'd rather drink til I forget than talk to people.
I'd rather smoke outside than talk inside.
Same as usual.

Are you a lonesome cowboy oieoou

I like cowboys and I am quite solitary

went to a conference on ptsd, at the reception i really connected with a retired clinical psychology whom was able to empathize what i am currently going through personally and in research, later dropped my wine glass, some lady said, "THATS ENOUGH FOR YOU", and i said, " I KNOW AND I ONLY HAD SPARKLING (and fuji) water"

asked a very pressing big boy and question that is relevant but derails their interests because they are more VA/military-combat-focused (probably bc of funding for ptsd); got a very pc answer, paved the way for others to asking questions as well that kinda branched off to mine. i had ratty ass long hair, sat in the front, and this was filmed, decked out in olive pants and jacket synergy in a sea of bis cas and thermal fleeces -- but no fucks were given!!

i was upset with the response i got; and i was walking profusely after and i didn't lace my iron rangers; and i made a humiliating hands-all-over-the-air/papers-all-over-the-pavement trip because my laces got entangled with the speedhooks

was frustrated went to the bookstore to get started in my research grind again; met a guy that was DOING THE SAME FUCKING EXACT THING THAT I AM DOING in terms of mental health research with bpd. we exchanged contact info and feel less alone in my ventures with this.

my anxiety got a lot better tonight after talking to the subway lady about my frustrations with the complexes and bureaucracies of mental health

i find my self in a better mood and am more talky to da females more lately

feelsgoodman.

Applying to jobs and stuff, man.

I get way too excited when I read a job description that I really like and spend the next few weeks completely obsessing over that job. I applied to this place a day or so ago, and that job, that city is almost all I've been able to think about. Pre planning possible places to stay, scoping out public transportation, looking for cool things to do in that city, just getting wayyyy ahead of myself.

I know I'm doing myself no favors, because I've got papers to finish and stuff to do, and there's an overwhelming chance I won't get it anyways, but it would be such a cool opportunity.

I don't do this with every job, but every few weeks it happens. At least it means I'm excited about my job prospects instead of dreading them, I guess.

Living a few hours from your SO is the worst. Only seeing her every few weeks starts to suck pretty bad.

saw my mom about to take some old handbags of hers to donate yesterday, stopped her and got her to let me ebay them on the conditions we'd split the profits 50-50 if I did all the work. just sold one for $150 shipped, too stoked about this.

finally picked a college and I'm so jazzed I'm finally done with the college search it's been forever since I didn't have to think about it

anyone here go to northeastern??

didn't/doesn't want to go there, unless i'm dreaming

I've been accepted into/toured both of the colleges that I'm considering transferring to. They're completely but both a million times better than where I'm at now. I really can't decide. Trying to break any sort of feelings and decide entirely for and by myself. Not an easy thing to do, though.

I was planning on moving this coming weekend for a new job I was supposed to start on Monday (my first job since graduation).

I hadn't heard anything from my HR contact since he confirmed the start date a few weeks ago, so I sent him an email asking for details about my first day. I didn't hear back for a few days, and now I just received an email stating that my equipment was delayed (computer, phone, ??) and, as a result, they had to push my start date back one more week.

I'm getting super frustrated since I also had to wait a really long time for them to complete the background check. It's been almost 2 months since I accepted the offer, and I've received emails from other recruiters that I haven't followed up on. In hindsight, I should've been applying for jobs and interviewing up until my ass was planted in a chair at work.

It just seems like this whole hiring process has been botched. What bugs me the most is that this is a huge, multinational corporation (100k+ employees); I'm not sure if it's normal for them to take this long to onboard someone (my guess is no). At this point, I'm just holding my breath, crossing my fingers, and hoping they don't go through some sort of corporate restructuring

sweet, I have a bunch of friends going into the engineering program and I hear it's fantastic (and yeah freshman)

there's this great thai place right next to campus, we gotta nerd out over lunch sometime during the semester

I'm starting to strongly dislike most of my friends. It is not a good feeling. :(

Doesn't feel good now, will feel good eventually.

I feel pretty empty. I need a vacation.