RPGs

[inherently]

inspired by Syeknom's backstory/interview and because we're all nerds at heart.

who's interested in playing one? I can run a realistic/paranormal game that's pretty easy to pick up (not D&D, but still fun)

rjbman suggested that we could play on skype or roll20.net

[can-]

I've never done this but honestly always wanted to. is it logistically feasible to play online?

[inherently]

it should be possible, but we'll see how this one goes:

There are six spots available (though we could play with as few as 3, i'd say). To sign up, comment and choose a character, and get an account on roll20.net:

Kelly Franklin
Chris Jansen
Terry McNamara
R. H. Milstein
Morgan Stevens
Bobby Thompson

If we can get 3 people that could play tonight (it'll take 2-3 hours, i think) that'd be awesome, but if not we'll probably do this next Saturday night (EST).

[alby]

never played d&d but i'd be interested.

on a different note, is anyone else in the ESO beta right now? I'm only level 5 or 6 but I'm p lonely in that game. if you want to add me my name is Lssthnthre. I'm redguard.

[alby]

i'll be bobby thompson. I've made an account on roll20. My display name is Ryan A.

[rjbman]

I'll be Kelly Franklin

[odradek]

amenable to complete beginners? i'd be in but pretty sure i'd be completely lost for at least the first game.

[inherently]

So far everyone seems to be fine with tomorrow evening around 7pm EST. I'll be pming out some character info, but we'll go over all of the mechanics together right before we play.

[sauce]

I'm not free anytime soon but I'd be potentially interested in future games after this week.

[Syeknom]

1900 EST much to late for my european blood sorry, hope you have fun!

[SteevMike]

crap did this start already?

[inherently]

Reminder to all: this is a one-shot thing for now, but we'll see how well it goes! If you missed this one there will probably be more.

Here’s a .

So this has been pushed back to 10pm EST:

Kelly Franklin - rjbman
Chris Jansen
Terry McNamara - dwindling
R. H. Milstein - odarek
Morgan Stevens - steevmike
Bobby Thompson - alby (may not make it tonight)

[inherently]

It was mid-afternoon, as our unlikely rag-tag group of heroes were on a bus in the middle of nowhere in Wisconsin, en route to Chicago. They waited patiently for their adventure to begin for a couple of minutes, until their omniscient, omnipresent GM realized that his microphone had been off, and that he had been talking to no one for at least 10 minutes.

With this crisis averted, Rjbman was the first to introduce himself, to Dwindling, who very candidly revealed her history as a gambler on the run from loan sharks. "I'm really just trying to find myself", she explained.

Rjbman knew that feel, as he was a medical school dropout.

SteevMike was the next to act, as he walked to the bus driver, and asked to take a pit stop to relieve himself. Unfortunatley, his request was denied, and so he filled up a gatorade bottle with fluorescent yellow fluids.

The others were pretty accepting of that. "You gotta do what you gotta do, y'know?".

Odradek was the last to describe himself: a neckbeard who was unusually interested in getting to a town called Ebenberg.

---

As the day wound on, they ended up in the middle of nowhere in Wisconsin, a.k.a. the town of Ebenberg. It was less of a town and more of a dilapidated general store, a parking lot with a single car, and a payphone.

Odradek and Dwindling went to check out the store, which contained snacks, general hardware supplies, fishing and hunting accessories, a buffet, and a storekeeper named Sheila. Odradek decided to eat at the buffet, and his question about ghosts were ignored. Dwindling went to the bathroom and purchased a copy of Cosmo. Rjbman and SteevMike investigated the car, found it locked, and decided to go inside.

SteevMike purchased a meal as well, but since Rjbman had no money, he had to settle for stealthily swiping a few snack bars. Soon afterwards, the bus driver announced that the bus had broken down, and that it would be a while until the next one came. Rjbman and Dwindling headed outside, and Steevmike followed them after stealing some cutlery. Odradek purchased snacks, quizzed Sheila some more, and joined the others outside.

There, SteevMike demonstrated his super-cool psionic powers to Dwindling and Odradek. He was able to generate enough energy to turn on the bus, but only for a few seconds. He proceeded to have a hissy fit, and was told by Rjbman to calm down.

While everyone was sufficiently distracted, the store was locked up, the car disappeared, and the bus driver was nowhere to be found. Rjbman and Odradek tried their cell phones with no success ("CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?"), and Rjbman tried to get SteevMike to spend some more Power Points on getting the payphone to work ("Do your demon magic shit" "Nah" "Just tell me to fuck off then"). "Fuck off", SteevMike said.

---

Meanwhile the sun had set, and the darkness encroached. Howls echoed in the forest as the streetlight flickered on. Fuck that noise, thought Rjbman, as he climbed into the bus. The others followed with a little hesitation. ("have you SEEN a horror movie?")

Once inside the bus, SteevMike remembered that he had a flashlight, and shone it, revealing a trio of wolf-zombie-things that were actually mutated dog-zombie-things. Dwindling was the first to react, by pulling out a gun ("HOLY SHIT SHE HAS A GUN!") and discovering a fire extinguisher, which she handed over to Rjbman. Odradek infused magic into Dwindling's gun, for +2 damage. Steevmike used his mind powers to attempt to incinerate the zombie-dogs, but accidentally set one on fire. Rjbman came to the rescue, and subdued it with foam.

Care-tags continued to battle the zombies, as Dwindling took one down with a clean shot to the head. Unfortunately, the last one refused to go down so easily. It was revealed that Rjbman was a pacifist hippie that only fought in self-defense. He handed over his extinguisher to Odradek, who dropped it on the zombie dog with little effect. Luckily, it face-planted while trying to bite him.

At this point, two zombies dressed in civil war-era clothing made their appearance. Dwindling shot one, but the bullet did little damage. Rjbman had the brilliant idea of trying to heal the zombie dog to get it on their side, but the plan backfired, as the dog turned and bit Odradek. (Et tu, Brute?).

Care-tags decided that they needed more supplies. SteevMike heroically jumped out the window and sprinted to the general store, but the zombies turned to chase him. Dwindling distracted one of them by banging on the bus windows. The other advanced as Steevmike scrambled to pick the lock, getting it open just in the nick of time. He slammed it behind him, and stuffed his stolen silverware by the hinges to bar the door. Inside, he found a case with a pair of rifles. He took one, and slung the other on his shoulder.

Meanwhile, the zombie dog howled, and emanated a bone-chilling sound that caused Odradek to piss his pants and Dwindling to run to the back of the bus and cower in fear. Odradek managed to shake off his fear, cast a magic spell to protect himself, and opened the emergency exit window. Rjbman came to Dwindling's rescue, and brought her to the exit. She managed to shake her fear, and jumped out the window gracefully. Odradek was less graceful, hitting the ground and tumbling.

Rjbman made to escape as well, and he was halfway out the window when the zombie dog bit onto his pants. Luckily, he was wearing a pair of iron hearts, and thinking quickly, he unbuttoned them. The dog got tangled in the heavyweight denim, and the zombie moved inside the bus to help it...

---

To be continued in the next exciting installment!

The next episode is tentatively scheduled for Sunday afternoon. (we will try to introduce Syeknom and Alby into the story (and possibly averagefruit)). How does that work for everyone?

[inherently]

Is Sunday 4pm EST good for everyone? I've been busy with math, but I'll hop on irc later tonight

[rjbman]

Currently on a weekend in the middle of the woods. Will try to make it but don't expect me.

[alby]

I get off work (hopefully) at 2:30 pm CST, so 4 EST should be perfect. At some point in the night I will have to leave for studying, though.

[charybdis]

I don't think I will be busy, but would prefer it to be eRlier in the day if possible.

[Syeknom]

Can join for no more than 2 hours and can't mic up, sorry!

[inherently]

This week, due to time constraints/conflicts, we decided to play “”, instead. We also had some people listening in (kyung and some others as well)



It was a warm spring afternoon as John woke from the falling petals of cherry blossoms ("does senpai notice me yet?"). He lay on a set of white stone steps. In front of him was sparkling water and swan boats, and behind him sat the enormous stone statue of Abraham Lincoln.

What was he doing here? Who was he? These pressing questions were ignored, as the first of many voices began to echo in his head.

"Hello John. My name is Hunnish. Let's find us a day care center."

John had no choice but to obey, and found one on the map, three miles away. He was there in no time, and was greeted by the receptionist at the front desk.

"May I help you?" she enquired.

"Yeah, I'd like to go see the children?”

"I'm sorry sir, but you have to be a parent to do so."

"Yeah, I am," he fibbed, "that blonde one is mine".

The front desk lady wasn't buying it, and she pressed a button on the desk. Hunnish took action, and leapt over the desk, clotheslining the receptionist as he did so. He ran into a classroom, where a teacher was reading a story to a group of three-year-olds.

He proceeded to seize a teddy bear from a young boy, and dropped his pants. The kids and the teacher stared in horror as Hunnish unsuccessfully tried to put the teddy bear inside of him. (“it was too soft”). This failure broke Hunnish's control, and John was greeted by a new voice:

"John, you crazy bastard, drop that bear and pull up your pants. The cops are coming, and you need hostages. My name is Odradek. Grab two long haired, pretty girls and get down that hall. How does their hair smell? Good, right?"

“That does smell good,” agreed John. He obliged, but was distracted by the sound of approaching sirens.

"You gotta sneak out the back, John. Chew on their hair to make sure the cops can't hear you breathing. This is nerve-wracking, John, really chew like crazy. Swallow if you have to." John did, and took a nice big bite of one of the girls' hair.

His obsession satisfied, Odradek relinquished control back to Hunnish, who immediately commanded John to head back inside. John came face to face with the teacher, and wasted no time in smacking her down with one of the little girls. The other girl went catatonic with shock.

"Let's find a toy that's sturdy and dense, John." John ran into a room, and his eyes fell upon a small red firetruck. "Perfect. Now let's put it inside." However, in his overeager haste, he missed, and rammed it into his balls. ("I mean, do people normally want to sodomize themselves with children's toys?" "do you even know me?") The pain caused Hunnish to lose control, and a new voice entered the scene.

"Hello John, this is Rjbman. Let's grab this paintbrush, and leave that nice teacher lady a note. I think she likes you, so you should paint your number on her face. Backwards, so she can read it properly in the mirror." (“paint it on her forehead, gets all the ladies hotnbothered”)

"Yes, that should defnitely get her to call you back. Now let's get out of there." John proceeded to unlock and hotwire a car, threw the unconscious child in the passenger seat, and using Rjbman's talent for driving, reversed out of the parking lot, and sped towards the White House.

---

A couple of blocks away, John pulled over, and approached a female tourist and her family, dragging the girl behind him.

"Hey babe, what's up? I know ladies love a man who loves children. This is my daughter."

She wasn't buying it, and her husband approached menacingly. John took a swing at the husband with the girl. Unfortunately, he let go, and she sailed into traffic, and another voice seized control.

:] “My name is Syeknom." Said the voice in a British accent. "Start crying uncontrollably. Hysterics. Earn his sympathy. Grab him and cry onto his shoulder. Get his shirt all wet and soppy." "And his hair," he added as an afterthought.

Whatever Syeknom's plan was, it worked, and the husband had no choice but to comfort the sobbing John, and was quickly growing uncomfortable.

"Now excuse yourself for making a mess, and ask him to lead you to a public bathroom to clean up." Unfortunately, he wasn't persuasive enough, and lost control as the husband gathered his family and hurried away.

"We meet again, John." said the now-familiar voice of Odradek. "Let's find a tour group. Look! Do you see those Japanese tourists heading to the White House? We can just blend in with them. Yes, that's great. Now look at that girl's long silky smooth hair. Doesn't it smell so good? You should show your appreciation for such beauty.” (“pet it with your tongue”)

John, having experience with this sort of thing now, did as he was told, and pulled the girl’s hair into a ponytail, stroking it before eating the whole thing in one giant bite. (“THAT IS MY NIGHTMARE, JESUS”). He then made his getaway into a bathroom, where he found Joe Biden doing his business in the urinal. John waited for the right time, and he pounced - ripping out Biden's hair with his teeth and knocking him unconscious.

His obsession once again satisfied, Odradek let Syeknom take control :]. “Hello, public bathroom. Hello, unconscious Joe Biden. Let's take his clothes and hair. Yes, now buff your shoes slightly, and wiggle your shiny shoe underneath the stall door. Ask the chap to open up in a sultry voice, but announce yourself as the vice president first."

A familiar voice responded, "Hello, Joe." The door swung open, revealing Barack Obama sitting on the toilet. "This again?" (“ooh obama-san~”).

"I was not prepared for Obama," said Syeknom, "Proposition him for a stall blowjob, somewhat but not excessively aggressively. Time for presidential hanky panky."

Obama seemed more than willing to do so, but halfway through the shenanigans, he paused and said, "Wait a minute, Joe isn't this big".

Syeknom didn't hesitate a moment with his response. "Get aggressive, John. Pin him to the toilet. Stare into his eyes. Yes. Now start crying. Angrily. You gotta finish that, sorry. Mr. President."

It was at this moment that a detail of Secret Service walked in the door, catching John and Obama in the act. "I don't think we can get any more blowjobs here. Shake Obama and tell him to call off security." ("I-I just w-wanted senpai to notice me") Unfortunately, Syeknom's lucky streak ended, leaving JackieChan in control.

"Well then, John. We've got to act quickly. Tie your belt around Obama's neck and use him as a hostage. Now get security to bring you lots of bags of popcorn, and have one bring you a car." John's demented appearance and twitching eyes was enough to convince the Secret Service that John meant business.

---

Five minutes later, they were in the car with big bags of popped popcorn, and five more minutes brought them to a local park. "Now let's catch some pigeons, John." commanded JackieChan.

The scattered popcorn quickly caught the attention of a flock of pigeons. Still holding Obama down (“hold his head between your thighs”), John grabbed three pigeons in one motion. (“you also have to sing ‘catch the pigeon’”). With the birds caught, JackieChan proceeded to have John snap their necks, and devour them whole. John managed to swallow down two birds, but couldn't stomach the third. The retching caused JackieChan to lose control.

Alby was now in control, and directed John to the nearest house - at some point, the Secret Service agent had disappeared. He proceeded to break in and sneak up to the bedroom. He tucked the now unconscious Obama into the bed (with a kiss on the cheek), and proceeded to jump in and spoon him.

However, try as he might, John was too pumped up on adrenaline to fall asleep. Frustrated, Alby gave up, and SteevMike took control.

But by now, police sirens in the distance had gotten incredibly loud. There was only one thing to do, SteevMike rationalized.

"Let's sneak downstairs and find the sharpest knife in the drawer." There was pounding on the door, but SteevMike's skill helped John stay on track. With the knife in hand, he surgically removed Obama's face as the Secret Service (Speshul Security) busted down the door.

"No need to worry, my fellow citizens! I have anything under control" John shouted from the staircase, wearing Obama’s face as a mask. Unfortunately, he wasn't convincing enough.

"He's killed the president! Take him down!"

The last things John felt were the bullets hitting his body.

[inherently]

how does Saturday, 2pm EST work? this is pretty flexible, sunday afternoon also works for me.

[bels]

Syek's skill would be fucking crying.

[smiles]

I'm interested in playing sometime. Never tried this kind of thing before.

[inherently]

[inherently]

how does We're All Going to Die at Saturday, 10pm EST? sound for people? (we're playing late so smiles can join us as well)

[charybdis]

Can we bring this back?

[raags]

THIS IS SO COOL!

[RomanEmpire]

We should play mafia

[inherently]

we never did end up running "we're all going to die". I'm down to play that, Everyone is John, or Mafia though!

who's interested? I'm only free on the weekend, and I think starting at either 4pm or 7pm worked well last time around

[Vaeltaja]

I'm gonna bump this, as there was some interest, especially from .

[thephfactor]

Yeah, don't think I would be up for GMing or anything but I think something like this sounds fun as hell.