Subtle Pirx Brags

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I've got a hangnail. I was talking to the woman who does Virgil Abloh's hair yesterday and she said she has a hangnail too.

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"Last week I went to buy a car (a Mercedes) and it turned out that it used to be owned by Freddie Mercury"

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"One of my friends once invited Peter Gabriel to my house to check out my sound system."

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"Sorry I'm late I got stuck behind Boris Becker screaming at the Sainsbury's self checkout because he kept putting things in the bag without scanning them."

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"I was at Diana's funeral."

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"I used to have a full FA Premier League 97 album (Merlin not Panini) but I leant it to Gary Neville and he never gave it back."

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"Nobody can tell the difference so most of the 'diamonds' in my crown are just cubic zirconias"

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"Does anyone know a good tailor around London Fields? Mine is leaving to become Benedict Cumberbach's stylist full time."

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"Just saw an old WhatsApp message from Bowie on my phone. Still can't really believe that he's gone."

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"My intern left to become head of womenswear at Tom Ford so now I have to mix my own mojitos"

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"My contents insurance is now higher than my house insurance. I asked Charles (Saatchi) for the name of a good insurance broker but he hasn't spoken to me since I mooned him at a Nye party in 05"

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"Just saw Johnny Depp at my local burrito place. There'll probably be huge queues for the next three weeks now. I know the owner so he'll fast track me. But it's still irritating."

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i worked at joseph, many years ago.
also harvey nichols but got fed up working on shop floor and asked to be on the delivery van, which was actually great. i was a 110lb teen with no practical skills at all (still have none) but we delivered really expensive furniture etc to ppl in beautiful houses who assumed we had a clue what we were doing, it was often like a buster keaton film. this was pre-internet/ computerised inventories etc so was utterly haphazard. a lot of the time we were free to find a quiet spot and read or just roam around the bowels of the building pretending to be busy. It's actually how I became such good friends with Graham Coxon, I was delivering a Vitra inflatable sofa to him (we always shipped inflatable sofas pre inflated) and we got talking about the copy of recherche volIV I had sticking out of my overall pocket. In the end I contributed some liner notes to The Great Escape linking it to a couple of proto Jungian concepts I'd been thinking about but I don't think they ever got used.

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Turns out that a famous British monarch (Think 'Christmas Speech') wants to have a go on my friend's (previously in the attic) N64. Now I'll have to do my best to negotiate who gets to be P1 / whether you're allowed to pick Oddjob etc etc.

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I'm trying to source "content" for a social media platform that is going to tie in with the release of some new jelly bean flavours I've been working on with "the father of cyberpunk" but I can't discover anything worthwhile/relevant. Does anyone here have any contacts? Gopher experience preferred (Strong hierarchy in Gopher leads naturally to Schenkerian analysis which has played a large part in the jelly bean flavour development)

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I was trying to send an email to Abel&Cole telling them to STOP sending me COURGETTES because I despise their simplistic contours/colour/texture/flavour but my autocomplete accidentally put Kōichirō Matsuura, (former head of UNESCO) into the To box and I accidentally pressed "send" instead of "discard draft"

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Stormzy has asked me to be his personal trainer, but like, a lacanian personal trainer, because isn't looking into the gym mirror and realising that you are not the buff version of yourself the ultimate formalisation of the mirror stage and Objet petit all at once??

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The lift up to the rooftop pool at Shoreditch House isn't fast enough. Really slow. Agonisingly slow. I've started just taking the stairs.