Click to Poem from belabartok to POF

[can-]

why do you think bela uses periods instead of question marks.

[bels]

It's to create a flatness of affect. I try not to always do it, mainly when I want the queston to be deadpan/sarcastic.

[freerangepleats]

no caps allowed

hats maybe

[bels]

I own two fedoras. One wool. One straw.

[can-]

bela, will you please use this thread as your own space to talk about whatever you want. tell us about your extremely mint balenciagas?

[bels]

Went on a POF date. Wasn't into her for shallow reasons but she typified a sort of person I seem to be running into more often lately. Working for a couple of years, not specifically into anything but generally into anything. Complaints about how most people are "boring" because when spoken to at work and asked "what did you do last night" they don't have an "interesting" answer. Type of people I'm talking about generally have at least two standing commitments a week (normally aspirational type classes, a language or a dance class) in addition to some sort of fitness regime or sports activity. I don't want to pigeon hole too heavily because I only know three people like this and personality wise they're all somewhat different, but it does seem as though people have extra curricular calendars that are either rammed or empty.

Which is cool beans and I'm not saying being a shut in is groovy. It's obviously essential to get out but I'm not convinced that "having a life" equals "leaving the house". I'm also unconvinced that "what did you do last night?" is actually that interesting a question to ask someone.

I might need to reread some Douglas Coupland as I recall he writes a lot about the concept of "having a life." I think Coupland's answer was: Come out of the closet, join a startup, join a gym, talk to your parents. All solid answers, though lets note that at no point does he recommend doing Salsa class on Tuesday nights.

[Syeknom]

When I tempted back in the UK people would always ask that same thing as well, and were rarely impressed by my answers of "raiding dragons" or "gaming and chatting on irc". I hated the banality of its question as well. (Strangely I've never had anyone ask it here, partly because nobody even pretends to be interested in anybody else here)

However I must make a spirited defense of extra-curricular activities if not the value these people place on them. Working 5 days a week your life suddenly has most of it forcibly removed from you. The temptation to stagnate and simply lie on the sofa eating crisps every evening before bed is enormous and you watch with mounting horror the months and years fly by where you've literally just showed up at work and fought the urge to hang yourself when you get home. It's worse when you live with somebody because the passions and dynamism of youth can so easily be replaced by routine, chores, trite discussions about your bowel movements and so-forth. "Having a life" does not need to involve leaving the house, but it is actually rather fun to incorporate some of those "aspirational" classes into your life especially if done as a joint activity. We used to go dancing at clubs a lot but are both too exhausted most weeks (although I had a rowdy sesh last week, all the grls scoping on me) so one evening a week of learning tango is a great way for us to structure an activity together and to learn something interesting. My girlfriend's learning Spanish for fun and I've been learning Dutch out of duty and although I grew to hate being obliged to spend two nights a week out of the house it was good to do so. Likewise, swimming two-three times a week keeps the ridiculous office-drone-weight-gain at bay and makes me feel better about myself plus it's enjoyable enough.

The problem is that while the activities themselves are fun and doing them or not is cool, people who equate these activities with "having a life" or "interesting things" are grasping at straws. Extra-curricular activities are pretty much existential depression manifest, like support groups where you all pretend to not be wasting your life in an office waiting for the end-of-month payday. They're not something I define as being a yard-stick for how interesting I, or anybody else, are. If I ever ask anybody what they've been up to lately it's in the desperate hope that they've done something genuinely interesting so that I can live vicariously through them.

And to be fair to your bit of fish, most people at work are frightfully boring. It's unrelated to what they do after work though.

Coupland is great, JPod is really fun to read

[can-]

what is a POF date? blind date?

I think the trick is having a passion, no? you can go out five nights a week, hit the gym and go to salsa but if these are all just placeholders and you're depressed like everyone else it doesn't count for much. I think you earn 'a life' when you have goals that you are so intrinsically motivated to pursue, stuff so engaging that all te banalities fall off because you just don't really have time for them

[Syeknom]

Agreed

Wish that was easy!

POF is popular online dating space Plenty Of Fish Dot Com if I'm not mistaken

[bels]

ben's right. Fortunately we all have a passion. For fashion!

Plenty Of Fish's web design feels like I'm inside one of those websites that advertise like "SINGLE COUGARS IN YOUR AREA ARE HORNY FOR DORKS WITH GLASSES AND SELVEGE"

[Syeknom]

That's an important service to offer!

[bels]

http://imgur.com/a/14cai

Bela related info.

In some ways I miss my suit wearing university days because I had a uniform, you know? I woke up and wore one of two suits per season, paired them with the same shirt, tie, trainers. It was effortless.

If we really want to talk about "embarassing" style "phases" lets talk about http://spaghettijunctionstyle.tumblr.com/

Though again, I'm not that embarassed.

[can-]

how long have you been into fashion bela?

do you keep in touch w your ex?

[bels]

I've only been into fashion in the sense of interfacing with other people about it since I joined MFA but probably like a couple of people here I was always into clothes. The "well dressed" guy though in the quaint, pre internet sense of being OK with wearing bright colours or quirky accessories. My childhood bedroom is almost entirely dominated by a built in wardrobe.

I remember I had styleforum bookmarked on my phone for a long time as when I was shopping at tkmaxx I'd always want to check there to see what they thought of the brands. I never joined because it seemed like a place for millionaire bankers and I was a lot more budget minded in those days. I recall when I found mfa I was like "oh these guys seem more my speed, I could probably help some of them actually."

I can't bear to keep in touch with any of my exes and I only have three anyway, one I have no idea where she is, one started going out with a guy who was my best friend (think they're still going out, its been years) and the third is the one who keeps emailing me when she's drunk.

[Syeknom]

Did you ever wear waistcoats by themselves?

Actually bela, what do you do in life? Do you work or study? I can't remember ever asking

[bels]

I never wore waistcoats by themselves. When I was a teen I generally wore tshirts with unbuttoned shirts or shorts sleeve shirts in summer.



At uni I was generally at the suits or blazers with trainers, then I fell into the life of qlo and started tucking my shirts into my trousers.



I test the software for the audio subsystem on multi core bluetooth chips.

[bels]

I think two years ago I replaced all my shirts with Uniqlo. Then last year I replaced them all with gbv. Now I feel like gbv doesn't fit how I want it to around the neck and I'm going to have to replace them all with Emmett. Feel annoyed about this constant churn. There's a guy at work who is proud of his double cuff trywhitt /Thomas pink shirts and seems to never get any new ones and I sort of envy him though not the shirts themselves.

I'm going to at least wait until winter sales before buying any thing though..

[can-]

How do your shirts supposed to fit?

I imagine a bela shirt has back darts, single pleat cuff single barrel, two top collar buttons and contrast inner yoke. Slimfit broadcloth

*no back pleats *

[bels]

I think I've actually come round to your thinking wrt button downs. The way gbv fits around the neck/upper back is too tight and sort of ruins the way I want the collar to sit. It's like the roll gets squashed by being too chose to my neck.



That's how an Emmett slim fit s fits me.

[can-]

Would you wear a shirt like this

Just took this on my work iPad. It's a relax fit

[bels]

Maybe in the summer though probably not that kinds of print and probably not short sleeves. I feel like i want to get more non button down white shirts. Might get a curved collar one.

That pic I took is huge can I shrink it?

[adhi]

bela you have to take it to an image resizer, and make it 800x600

[bels]

Blurgh had a POF date rescheduled from last weds to this weds but my "Are we still on for tonight?" message seems to have yielded no response. Why agree to a date, then reschedule it yourself if you're just going to not bother? So confusing!

I've been putting off sending some messages out to new potentials lately though so I suppose I should get onto that.

[Syeknom]

What are you looking for in a woman, Bela?

[bels]

Flirty strumpet with a morbid sense of humour and either the patience to put up with my complaints or the vigour, grace and kindness to get me to stop complaining.

[starfox64]

i hung out with this pretty cool girl the other day but apparently she has like two boyfriends or something and i dont know how i keep getting in these situations. it's like i'm getting to the point where all the good women are taken and i have to order a russian mail order bride or something

[bels]

They'll all start getting divorced in a couple of years but that's not really much comfort is it.

[starfox64]

i feel like i should be the divorcee. my grandparents already had 3 kids each by the time they were my age, well on their way to divorce.

[bels]

I don't know what that means. You mean you feel you should have been married and divorced already?

[starfox64]

i mean i would feel weird getting married to someone who was divorced. i'm sure it'll be different when i'm older.