Kynlíf

[ramdomthought]

obv we need to go hangout with you me and pete and makeout with each other in front of him

[YoungCanoeist]

real discussion though (still drunk af):

i'm just generally sexually frustrated.

a few days ago a girl told me that her roommate says that i'm very attractive. surprisingly, this meant a lot to me. i've rarely been considered a romantic or sexual interest before. i could count the number of times on one hand.

when i meet a new girl, i feel like i'm instantly categorized as a friend and not a potential romantic or sexual partner. i don't want to use the term 'friend-zoned' because i actually don't think that's an accurate representation of my situation at all. i see potential with several girls and i'm not afraid to ask them out, and i don't feel like girls owe me anything because i'm nice to them.

and i don't have any problems being friends with girls. there are a lot of unpleasant guys on my floor here, and i've connected very well with a lot of girls on the other side. i'd say 80% or more of my friends here at college are girls, and i really love them and truly appreciate them.

i'm just interested in what differentiates me from other guys in terms of being a sexual interest versus a platonic one. i'm pretty uncomfortable with pursuing girls for physical reasons (i feel the need to be emotionally connected first, which isn't a bad thing), so i definitely give a more friendly jizz than a potential sexual partner one.

there's another dude here who is a tutor and every girl loves him and they talk about how attractive he is, how they want to be with him in whatever way. they say it's because of how he acts. he has to be v professional with them (i.e. not flirty) because he's a tutor. me and him act similarly, yet he attracts so many girls. i think it's because he's 2 years older.

i don't know. this isn't a huge problem in my life, i'm happy. at the same time, i am a human being and i have sexual interests. having never dated anyone nor kissed anyone, nor held anyone's hand, they haven't been fulfilled. kinda frustrating. we'll see what the future brings.

i had a more eloquent and accurate post typed out but my computer died but i lost it. basically i'm frustrated bc it seems that i'm inherently not a sexual interest for girls. and that's always an obstacle. it has to do with my parents and upbringing and sex being totally taboo, but i feel like there's something else. i don't know. haha!

[YoungCanoeist]

DAMN JUST NOTICED HOW LONG THAT WAS SORRY GUYS

[can-]

I guarantee plenty of girls are into you. I'd bet money they have no idea you're attracted to them either

[YoungCanoeist]

Lol. Thanks man, I appreciate it.

[RycePooding]

You are beautiful.

[Catfush]

[bels]

Strong first post

[ramseames]

[YoungCanoeist]

Catfush, cameron, RycePooding, ramseames, ramdom, thank you all for your advice and words. I really appreciate it. I love that we have a place like this where we can talk candidly about really anything.

Catfush, I relate to your first paragraph so much, damn. The other parts sound like CBT, which I've done a bit. After telling this stuff and some other stuff to my friend, she suggested that I might have sexual guilt issues. So I applied the examination techniques to the label "I have sexual guilt" and found that it was constructed. That was really freeing. I get what you're saying and I'll both investigate the labels and maybe put myself out there a little more.

ramseames, very insightful about how the girls don't think I'm interested. I'd never really considered it from their side, thank you. Also, this sort of belongs in the relationship thread but I really don't know what I'm looking for. I see the validity and value of what you're saying, especially about taking chances/opportunities and asking people out. for a while I've held the view that I wouldn't actively seek the relationship status/label but instead simply allow things to arise with people and follow that. So asking people out right away feels like I'm forcing it, and even feels a little aggressive. There's validity to both views though. I think in my case, my view is a little half-baked, but the underlying principle is good and reasonable. I'll try what you said though, it's certainly worth a shot!

With that particular girl, we've hung out a few times (alone too) and have a lot of similar interests etc. but so far we haven't really connected on a level more than friendship. This is of course not definitive and subject to change though. I just don't have much interest in her as of now. She's generally very quiet and it even makes me uncomfortable sometimes haha!

[ramseames]

[Catfush]

[SisterRayVU]

[YoungCanoeist]

Catfush,

That's pretty much exactly how I feel, and pretty much exactly my situation.

Your insight is really helpful actually. Whenever it comes up, I always have found that people have a much better view of me than I do of myself. People see me as very kind, confident, etc. even though I don't necessarily always think that. I hadn't ever considered that the same might be true with girls.

THANK YOU!

[YoungCanoeist]

SisterRayVU,

This is really, really great advice. I'm going to try all of it! It'll be an interesting process for me in terms of stepping around the border of laying it on too thick and just enough. It'll all be in good fun though. Thank you!!!

[SisterRayVU]

Just don't be like 'lol wanna fuck' unless you're both super drunk in which case I guess anything goes. It's not even laying it on thick, it's just expressing a modicum of interest and going into it with the idea that 'ofc she likes me!' and then you won't feel nervous or apprehensive about behaving as if he does and asking her to chill!

keep us updated!!!

[YoungCanoeist]

Yeah, I gotcha. Last couple weeks I was planning on asking out a friend of mine and there was something where I had a norse projects floral hat on and she said that I had a good visual aesthetic (LOL) and I said we should go to the art museum together. It was actually pretty smooth if you ask me. But then a wrench was thrown into the equation that weekend, because her dog died. She didn't really wanna do anything with anyone for a while, and of course my priority shifted from being with her to making sure she was alright. Her dog was really special to her. We'll see if anything happens there in the future because there are a few other obstacles, but she's really great and we have a great connection. I'll keep you guys updated though!

[YoungCanoeist]

Anyone have experiences with Tinder? Funny/ridiculous? Great? I curious enough to try it but I'm also terrified.

[purkinje]

I just started using Tinder but I'm not really sure what its purpose is. Met some interesting people though.

[ramseames]

[SteevMike]

100% of the people i've matched with on tinder are either:
1) people i had previously talked to on some other dating site and the conversation went nowhere; or
2) drunk

[SisterRayVU]

I've matched with a lot of people on tinder. It usually goes fine but I'm at a point with school where I don't really have the free time to meet up for drinks or whatever, so I'll probably delete and restart my profile come January. I'm meeting up with my third tinder person today and it goes well enough. Had to sort of lose touch with people I was significantly more interested in both personality and looks just because of timing, but whatever. It's fun. Go for it. I haven't had drunk tinder people yet.

[SisterRayVU]

Well, just had a tinder date and I think I need to cool it on tinder, or be more cautious in weeding out crazy people.

[UnwashedMolasses]

Storytime! What's the scoop?

[SisterRayVU]

Eh, tinder date. Talked to her for like a week through text and snapchat, hung out, was going well. Said she doesn't hook up with random dudes often if ever really but was giving off a jizz of being into me. Went to a couple bars, came back to my place, made it clear that this was nothing for real and that we could hang out again after she comes back from her trip (leaving next week) but that this isn't anything serious, etc. Typing this out makes me seem like a dick but I really was very clear from the beginning that this wasn't anything where she could stay over, that I need to go to school later (or hang out w/ bros, still dk what I'm gonna do), and that she has a party she can go to anyway. So it's time to go and she keeps saying she wants to stay a little longer and at this point I feel pretty bad and just tell her we can hang later in the week or in January when she gets back (and I really would be down to just hang and grab a bite but nothing else) but she keeps resisting until I just sort of say 'Look, we talked about this. I need to do some work. Let's hang when you get back etc.' and just sort of had to physically move her until she was getting dressed and leaving. Not really my proudest moment but at the same time I specifically set this stuff out as soon as anything's going to go down so that I can at least mitigate any feeling of guilt. There's one girl at school that I sort of have an inconsistent thing with and I'm even clearer with her that I want no semblance of a relationship and she's cool-ish with it so I know I'm not being vague or saying 'no this isn't serious but also I really like you'.

Also, it's not like we're 18 or whatever.

So just sort of feeling like I should have been able to tell this was probably going to happen with this girl, feeling like I shouldn't have done anything, and just kind of bad in general. I'm just going to exercise greater discretion in seeking out cooler people maybe? This makes it sound like I just want to run through people and that's not the case, I just don't want to be in any sort of relationship with a girl I'm not really into. There have been some girls I've been interested in who I would gladly date and take it slow with because they seem to be awesome and somewhat compatible.

Also, I think she used my toothbrush and it's fucking 18 degrees outside and I don't want to walk to Walgreens to buy a new one. Fuck.

[deadkitty]

how do you even start a decent conversation with someone on tinder? I find it really hard when I know next to nothing about the person

[can-]

boil your toothbrush

[sid3000]

I would be highly more entertained from this thread if there was less emotion more sex and also in the form of yelp reviews.

[SisterRayVU]

She's putting off leaving the country. She wants to hang out this weekend. I'm going to try to just get a burger and then dip immediately after. We're not even dating, I shouldn't have to 'break up'. I've also never broken up with someone before. She also told me how many people she's kissed and that she's a virgin and I should have known something was up at the beginning and now I'm kicking myself. Fuck you tinder.

[SisterRayVU]

I feel really bad too. I'm going to have dinner with her on Sunday and hopefully keep it brief and try to figure it out from there. I don't want to be 'firm' and 'clear' because that's just unnecessary, but I also don't want to leave dangling hope and shit and I feel like a dick because whenever someone touches you or something, you're very much opening up a part of yourself and it's delicate and privileged and I don't want her to feel like she 'acted too soon' or be turned off from the idea of doing whatever feels right. At the same time, she's 24 and almost 25 and I feel like this type of behavior is sort of immature. I'd be okay getting food with her once in a while or hanging out just because she's not a bad person and it's always nice to have friends, but I also feel like that would probably be bad.

But yeah, I don't know how I don't come off like a bad guy in this situation and that sucks. But not because I want to not be the shithead because that's whatever and clearly I care less, but I just don't like making other people feel bad. At the same time, it's not like we spent more than three or four together total. So I don't know. It means very little to me but seems to mean a lot more to her and it just sort of sucks.