Feelings

[iffe]

[Catfush]

I thought I was watching my dad die the other night. My sister woke me up about 1:30am and was on the phone with 911. I go into my parent's room and my dad is laying on the floor, my mom was freaking out because she couldn't find a pulse. I was able to find a pulse but he wasn't coherent at all. Anyways, he passed out like 5 times before the ambulance got there and his breathing was very shallow and labored; I thought for sure he was dying. He's in the hospital now and doing better, but they still aren't sure what caused it. It was really scary though, I felt so helpless.

[hunnish]

Re: the weddings discussion earlier.

My sister got engaged a couple months ago. When I first heard about it I thought it was crazy not only because they're so young (she's 21 and he's 22), but because she's still in school and I don't think she's mature enough at all for this. She's always been the serial girlfriend type and hasn't been without a boyfriend for more than a month since middle school. She wants me to be a groomsman and I don't really feel right doing that, however I agreed to appease my mother. I was told they were waiting until after she graduated, but now I found out that the wedding is in June.

This past Friday we went over to their house (he has a career doing something with power or air conditioners or whatever) and they seemed oddly put together. My sister was cooking for everyone, they have a dog, and they had furnished the whole house themselves. It's strange to see her growing up this quickly and it's hard for me to accept it because it differs so much from what I would consider a normal life plan. From what I can tell he's a decent guy so I'll be happy for them, but I'm anxious about my participation in the ceremony and being at the wedding in general.

edit: they fried their turkey and it was amazing.

[SisterRayVU]

I think there's something eerie about people playing house. Some couples seem like they go through the transition of being early 20s psuedo-adults and some couples skip that entirely and put up 'nice' posters or art or fixtures and have a big fridge and one person works a lot and the other works less and it's very strange but maybe it's good for some people, though. If your sister is doing well and he's doing well and they're happy, who cares. Maybe marriage is premature but statistically speaking, marriage is premature a majority of the time. But this type of shit happened when I was in undergrad. One of my best friends, he's actually getting married soon, he seemed to go from serious relationship to serious relationship and was ready for his GF to potentially be his wife at a very early age. He's also more mature so it sort of made sense. It feels weird, though. He's 24, almost 25. She's 22. It's only three years but he's lived a lot more than her. She is still very much a young person trying to play the part of adult. But she also desperately wants to be an adult. I think it's also something like 'fake it 'til you make it'. She's gotten better over time. I don't know how this necessarily applies to your thoughts, but I think that if you find it weird for your sister to behave this way but it satisfies her, then maybe she's alright and doing what she wants. It's definitely young but it is what it is. IIRC, you're going to college now and I presume she's been away for a bit? People are also different people in different situations. I know that I am a totally different person than how my brother perceives me but he'd think he has a decent bead on me. Stuff like this can be deceptive.

[Stingray Sam]

so i have a really terrible relationship with my father and i honestly can't wait to leave the house because of it. We got in a really big argument today because i didn't work out and did homework instead. it's actually quite painful to stay here, but i don't know what i'd do if i left early. i want to but i only have around 7 grand and no job at the moment and i am terrified of what would happen if moved out, especially since i'm not 18 yet.

[can-]

what's wrong with your relationship? is mom in the picture?

sorry to hear about this sam.

[Stingray Sam]

well it's kinda difficult to explain, but in general we just have an incredibly dysfunctional relationship that is exacerbated by constant arguing. From my point of view he has become (or maybe i'm just more aware of it) more and more egotistical and controlling. I'm constantly berated for my hobbies, we do share some in common, but any that we don't are immediately discounted as wasteful and point less. My Academic pursuits often take a back seat to other things he wants to do, and wants me to do as well. It's incredibly difficult to act like myself around him because he holds himself in such high esteem that he believes that everyone, especially me should act exactly like him. My biggest issue though is the fact that i'm constantly being lectured and talked down to, yet all of his advice is incredibly hypocritical (and not very practical). It's just difficult to take someone who acts like that seriously. Before i met my SO and she started spending a lot of time with me (and consequently my family) i didn't realize really how dysfunctional our relationship was. I suppose i've not had an actual serious conversation with him, anything serious is always talking to me rather than with me, often it's talking down as well. His beliefs are very unreasonable and old fashion to the point of it being almost harmful to me as a person as well as completely ignoring things that may not be the same as they used to be. Perhaps i'm just being a bit unreasonable, but i honestly feel like i'm being forced to go in a direction in life that i don't necessarily want to go. Another issue is that he has been telling me that he will pay for college up until a couple months ago when he got angry at something. Now it's being held constantly over my head that i must act in a certain way (pertaining to all aspects of life, not just school or other responsibilities) or i will not get the money. Of course i seriously doubt that i can get any financial aid because of my family's income. any ways, I've become more and more disconnected with my family as a result of this and i almost feel like a stranger living in someone else's house. I'm disappointed that this is affecting my relationship with my mother as well, but i'm not sure how i can continue to have a positive relationship with her if my father continues to essentially force her to take his position a lot of the time. Sorry for making a text wall about this

[schiaparelli]

that sounds so tough, sam, so sorry to hear you are dealing with all this. it's really frustrating when a parent constantly rejects you and berates you for what you do…i guess at some point you do grow out of it, but being in the parent/kid relationship i feel it's so easy to be invested in your father's opinion and what he thinks and to want to do well, and so there's always that tinge of hurt even when you try to discount his opinion because you know it's irrational. and constant lectures just become so alienating.

and the financial ax over your head is not cool, and probably super stressful. agh.
this is the place for walls of text though

[Stingray Sam]

thanks for the kind words schia =] it is incredibly alienating. I've never been emotionally close to him and i feel like i'm getting even more emotionally dis-invested and disconnected

[SisterRayVU]

Somewhat analogous, I went to visit a friend on what I thought was an excited invitation. Two days before, she told me she couldn't hang out but I could still stay at her place. It was an awful trip for a lot of it but more so at night since. If I went now and it was the same thing, I would have either talked it out and been clear that she totally fucked me or I would have said fuck it and stayed at a hotel / friend's place / anywhere else / taken a trip to a different city. If you have the plane ticket, GO! Go and enjoy the act of being out and going somewhere and if you don't want to stay with this person, or you feel uncomfortable, or you're reminded of bad stuff, or you feel slighted, DON'T STAY WITH THEM! But by all means, go SOMEWHERE. If you need to buy a train ticket to hang out with someone else for the remainder of the trip, DO IT. You can have a really good time if you let yourself. It sounds cliche and it is definitely difficult, but you can get out and have fun. You don't need to be alone for the holidays. Hang out with some sort-of friend you have in the area instead and watch you two become a lot better friends for it. Or party in the streets with randoms. But don't wallow because it's not worth it and you don't deserve that.

[bels]

Had a dream I was at a care tags meetup. We all went to COS and ended up running into Vaeltaja. He was 8 feet tall and I had to crane my neck to see him.

[thug]

If any of you don't know i'm a freshman wrestling for my first year.

I like it but i'm having a hard time because there's a lot of new shit and other reasons too. I'm having a hard time making friends.At practice, i'm somewhat in a shell. This is weird for me because i'm the farthest thing from being shy normally. It might be because I barely know any of these people (In my district 9th grade is still Middle school) and feel awkward a lot of times because they all have some sort of bond and i'm just sort of there.

I'm not sure if it's because of I'm a shitty wrestler or deep down inside I'm sort of awkward but I want to find a way to break that wall.

[Capt]

People like to draw to some one charismatic and makes them feel good. Be that guy. I'm sure you'll find something in common with someone there.

Start shooting the shit about literally anything. Just start talking. Y'all obviously share wrestling in common, so there might be a few more things in common as well.

[navin]

my phone just broke fuck fuck fuck

its a nexus 4 and i have to replace the whole screen and since i live in a country where its not that common either so its going to be expensive shit

on the bright side i got accepted into a internship where im going to get paid :D HS demands an internship to graduate

[purkinje]

Where are you interning? Wish my high school had a program like that.

[LandslideBaby]

How am I supposed to get my shit together if even leaving the house is incredibly difficult. And at the same time, I'm having some moments of pure happiness and bliss. It's incredibly confusing the state I am in.

I think my problem is that I've spent all my life being what others supposed me to be. I took myself way too seriously as a teen, I was the perfect daughter(even if that sometimes made me think I was turning into a compulsive liar, but hey, everything was OKAY) I tried to love someone which seemed perfect for me, but turns out that it doesn't matter how perfect someone is if they're not perfect for you. I fought hard to get into a good college and be the best at everything and now I don't even know if all I fought for is worth it. Do i really like my major? What do I really like? What makes me happy? How can I make living out of something that makes me happy?

I also hate that my mother keeps throwing at my face that I'm a "grown woman" and that I'm "intelligent and mature". I've never felt less like so in the last 5 years, I feel like I'm living my teens with 5 years of delay. I know she's trying to help but she only makes me feel worse.

I may edit this more, I need venting. I went to a therapist some months ago and she gave me the worst advice ever and going there made me feel like I was just wasting my money to talk to someone who didn't even "got me".

I should have gone to my mother's house yesterday but I avoided it and I should already be there today and I'm still here, sitting in my sweater and tights with the cat next to me.

[kyung]

You're definitely not alone in this landslide, so feel free to vent!

Growing up in the typical "asian" household, I can definitely relate to the idea of high expectations and doing things just to please others. A good majority of it occurred back in high school when I was trying to figure out what to do with myself and what sort of future I wanted to pursue. I was afraid of becoming too invested in something lest it be a huge waste of time, and this indecisiveness was something that was completely foreign to my parents, who immigrated here with a set goal and path in mind. This caused a good amount of friction between my father and I and I remember being shouted at that I wasn't going to amount to anything if I didn't get my shit together.

I began questioning myself. "What kind of job do I want to have in the future?" turned into, "What should I tell dad that I want to be so he can finally shut up and stop nagging me about this shit?" Much to his pleasure, I told him I wanted to be a doctor (har har) and thus began a series of biology and chemistry classes I wasn't even that invested in. Over time I think I tried to convince myself that I really actually did want to be a doctor or something similar, but these days I'm not so sure anymore. I sometimes feel like I'm stuck in this field because I've told my parents this for so long and I'm honestly afraid of what they would think. The thought of disappointing your parents is never a good feeling and sometimes I feel like I should just accept it and keep going.

I wish I had a more positive response to your story Landslide :( but I hope things work out for you as well

I also went and listened to this song because of your username and now I'm going to stare wistfully at my ceiling.

[whinefields]

My girlfriend and I got his and hers ID bracelets. Mine is unvarnished silver with her initials and hers is gold with my initials. I'm happy to be wearing it but sometimes I look at it and think "what if we break up?" What happens then? Do I cross out her name and continue to wear it? I had this weird daydream in the shower where I was older and my wife found this bracelet in one of my drawers and showed it to our kids and they asked "who is that?" and I had to explain that it was my old girlfriend and then I sounded like my father since he always told me about his exes when I was younger.

I didn't really think it was going to mean much to me either way and it's hitting me now that it's far more emotionally significant than I imagined (for me, that is).

Also, I had to look up the word drawer. It looked so awkward on the page. English and its etymology boggle me to no end. It's fascinating.

[purkinje]

New years resolutions are kind of eh to me because they let me put things off but I want to start a December/New Years resolution. My biggest new years goal is to listen to other people better. I focus on myself way too much, in conversation and in general, and I've probably damaged at least a few personal relationships due to selfishness and not communicating well enough. Selfish and apathetic are really cruddy things to be and sometimes I don't even realize what I'm doing but I can think back to even a week ago and point out times where I totally disregarded someone because what they were saying or doing wasn't in my personal interest, and I don't want to be a person who does that. Being a senior in high school people are really coming into their own as they prepare to transition to more independent life from living with their parents, and it's a really good time for self-improvement before I go out into the real world. My goals for now are to care more, read more, and draw more, three things I haven't been doing very well in the near past.

There's also something to be said for putting yourself out there (which I need to improve on a lot). I was home schooled until high school and took supplemental courses at my local community college, so I didn't know a lot of kids when I went into school, and I def missed some opportunities just for the sake of avoiding possibly awkward situations. I've accepted that there are definitely going to be awkward moments if I want to do more things and meet more people; I dance annually in a fair my school has, and I'm pretty uncoordinated, but I performed with a group of people in front of ~2000 kids, something that I'm usually uncomfortable with. Yeah, I looked stupid, but I bonded with a lot of people and did something meaningful. I'm not really sure where I was going with this but it feels good to not be scared of doing things even if I end up looking stupid in the process.

[rjbman]

[charybdis]

Awww why did the mods lock the Random not-fashion thoughts thread.

Also, kyung Pamu Pamu is creepy AF. When I saw that picture of her and Gaga, I wasn't sure who scared me more.

[smiles]

hullo i was in london. it was fun. I was jet lagged and busy so i apologise for not reaching out to any of you care-taggers. hopefully next time (smiling)

[Bobbin.Threadbare]

Yeah I was saying to Katy that you'd be around but I understand being tired. See anything cool? London is big and it's hard to scratch the surface in such a short time.

[smiles]

we were mostly at a conference at the V&A and looking at various exhibitions. has anyone seen the Shunga show at the British Museum? quite fun. We were mostly there for the Chinese painting exhibition at the V&A which had lots of great paintings. Overall london seems like a great place to live and study. really cemented my desire to go there for MA.

highlights from the trip:
- checking out Le Labo in Liberty's. Liberty's was cool too
- Getting to see the storage section of the British Museum
- yummy indian food in whitechapel
- tea at brown's hotel (lol)
- dover st. market was pretty cool too.

[Bobbin.Threadbare]

I don't care about Dover Street Market but the VandA is great! Whitechapel is too, I lived there for a while on Brick Lane and that whole area has a really interesting history.

[Syeknom]

[omgimacarrot]

I broke up with my girlfriend about 3 months ago. I am super happy with my decision, but unfortunately, she still is not. I go to a small school, so rumors go around pretty quick. A week ago I began dating another girl pretty casually. My ex-girlfriend has been talking nothing but shit and lies about the both of us to all of my friends and all of her sorority friends. I am not a man who talks shit or spreads rumors, but I'm coming so close to just making a spectacle in the cafeteria and dispelling all of the lies she has been telling everyone. I'm trying to take the high road and while it has worked for me, I'm sick of sitting back and watching my ex "attempt" to ruin my reputation. The funny part about the whole thing is that everyone knows she is still acting like she is in high school and her sorority sides with me (I don't make people choose sides; they tell me I am doing the right thing in the situation). Why is my college acting like my high school? Do people ever grow up and start minding their own business in the real world?

[schiaparelli]

omgimacarrot, that's really frustrating. to answer your question: i don't know. i think in many cases people don't grow up. there are people who because of emotion/circumstance/personality make spectacles out of things that should not be spectacles. and i think also when you're in an environment with a few people acting like that it's easy for the overall culture to express those traits too, because they have an example to work off of. it's kind of easy to whip people into an frenzy, sadly

aside from her/her friends and you/your friends probably no one likes it that much. i think there could be a way to defend yourself without talking shit/spreading rumors, though. just hold the high ground (it's always a useful asset). or you could just go, "i don't want to spread rumors or talk shit about someone i once cared for deeply, and i'm disappointed that she doesn't feel the same".

xxx

(edit) i said something too personal and i cut it out

[spahdfgo]

Apparently the fact that i'm not a big talker is a problem for my morning shift colleagues, how the fuck am I supposed to relate to two women ten years older than me and witha kid ? it's amazing that people can get hung up on something so insignificant.

[bels]

Just talk any way. You're both at work so talk about that.