Feelings

[hooplah]

korea can be a huge black hole for foreigners. i know a bunch of people who got sucked in and haven't gotten out, or came back to US with nothing to do. but it sounds like you have an actual good job so that's cool.

[starfox64]

that's something i was always worried about. i'm cool with my job, but i've also been here like ten months and kind of looking back like "okay what have i done/learned?" this is a huge reason why i am considering staying, but i am also worried that it's only going to push me further down the rabbit hole.

[freddy]

Your edtech startup gig is Korea specific? It wouldn't translate to the MOOCs or whatever online edu explosion that is going on in the states right now?

[Stingray Sam]

i had the strangest psychological experience today. It started at the end of my Econ class where the lecture triggered a cascade of memories i had from dreams and past events, many of them vaguely relating to economics. The memories weren't all there, they were only the faint suggestion of events or dreams that i hadn't thought of or could even remember before this, it was incredibly vivid, but incredibly vague at the same time. I couldn't focus one particular memory or feeling, it all just washed over me. It felt like deja vu at first, but it was so intense and vivid and not specific to one feeling or event that i'm not sure you could call it deja vu. The feelings continued to occur and the experience grew more vivid as i drove home (probably not the best idea) my mind was still grounded in reality, but the waves of emotions and memories came faster and faster until i felt physically ill. I tried to puke in the bushes outside where i parked my car but couldn't, by then i was beginning to shake and starting to lose awareness. It wasn't like i wasn't able to see or react to my current environment, it was just that my emotions and memories were so overwhelming that i didn't realize how i was reacting. I went into my house and laid down on the living room floor while this event culminated. These waves of emotions continued to grow stronger, i was on the floor physically shaking. It wasn't scary or anything, it was just incredibly surreal. It felt like i couldn't focus or describe to myself what i was feeling or what i was remembering, but at the same time these emotions and memories were so incredibly vivid and felt like they were in great detail. I couldn't see the detail or explain the detail, in retrospect they were so vague that they could only be explained by general feelings, but at the moment it felt as if i was reliving them. There was the most intense suggestion of detail, but i could feel it, i couldn't actually realize it. it all felt so strange and surreal as i was experiencing this. eventually the feeling subsided and i was so exhausted that i just feel asleep on the living room floor. It was truly one of the strangest experiences in my life, i'm not particularly sure why i am sharing this here. I just thought it was interesting and wanted to share it with someone

[sknss]

what cereals did you have this morning?

[Stingray Sam]

oat cereals

[can-]

sam what happened in the moments before this all started?

[can-]

[JCM]

sam, have you ever read any James Joyce? I ask because many of his works revolve or are inspired by little personal epiphanies like this (which is what it sounds like you may have had, though it's up to you to put it in this context). It's quite nice to read if you haven't before and may put some perspective on what you were feeling.

[Stingray Sam]

[JCM]

[freddy]

I went back to my old school (community college) this evening to use their library, it's like a time warp after utilizing the libraries of other baller private research universities here and it doesn't help that I live in a undergrad college neighborhood. I felt a lot has changed in my three years via fashion transformation/adventures/academic leave of absence that has put me into a higher consciousness/alternate reality. It would be weird as fuck if I went back and repeated the same grind esp with my inner-city comrades whom aren't as cultured in fashion/media/politics etc. in contrast to folks at other schools. I'm still weighing my options as to if I should just continue with online school Western Governors for IT and continue to be more self-focused on my own endeavors or try to hack it and go the traditional route. If another academic restart were to happen, I would really want to be ultimately prepared for a top university transfer. However, I realize that I am also bombarded with my own self-development/psychology studies that it's going to take up space for a while, so I will likely starting again at the age off 22. I'm not sure if it'd be worth it because I want to take the chance to move away for a bit while I'm young (being in school, I'll be anchored for 2 more years and another 2 years in X) and secondly, I'm not sure if it will be worth it to get a devalued and inflated degree. I also like the idea of being self-sufficient and entrepreneurial that I get from my family. I also would want to connect with family all over the states/canada/china before I get even older, because of my parent's separation from divorce when i was 12 has estranged and stretched the few relationships that I have my cousin pretty long.

Obviously, I would need to study even more to remediate my writing and fill the knowledge gap that I have..

Secondly: My dad is insistent that I should go work with him in Seattle and open a business, but he isn't always the best organizer and is very boastful and grandiose/volatile about doing things that never come to fruition. However, he's been footing the bill for child support thus far and I feel like I owe it to him, and it would be beneficial, to have a good amount of father/son time with him in my 20s as we seldomly catch up. (before he was stretched thin financially wise, so it was tough for him to foot the ticket for me to visit him but now it seems that he is doing a lot better)

Also I think living where I live it's very competitive due to the amount of professional service jobs and educational institutions here. I mean I have buddies that aren't killing themselves academically wise but they aren't entirely directionally focused as well. I just think how relaxed it would be to live in WA state and just work at the Boeing factory making airplanes, and sometimes I just don't want to do jobs with highly analytical requirements to "think" anymore. Sometimes I have to shun them because I can get caught up in a whirl being lazy about my future outlook. It doesn't help that I have a wide desperate belonging in between many different social groups. And as I continue to address social issues and power dynamics, I also become much more progressive in the development of my life. ie. fashion has allowed me to bridge a different experience forcing myself to change my views/speaking more articulately/ meeting variously more people that overrides my preconceived notions growing up in what I realized was a semi-insular environment. I am always precarious about my decisions and natural inclinations that can lead to apathy. I think I'm wary of breaking from the momentum for what I have going on in fear that I won't be able to reinitiate it again, though I am devoting a lot of efforts in doing so that obscures my social relationships. For me, I see many of the folks I grew up with not really expanding their realities or horizons and stick to doing the same stuff, but then I hail from the inner-city and not a middle-class suburb. So in turn, I guess it's a maturing thing that everyone naturally goes through; however, I am leaving a huge net of people behind. Hell even embracing reddit has really uplifted me into a different world. Maybe it's perhaps I'm sailing past the point of no return/half way mark where I am in a limbo state of two ven diagrams of converging contexts. Unfortunately, it is also something that I have to fight the discourse myself and I only, because it's specific and circumstantial to only me.

Though, I do know that I wanted to use fashion as a way for my to self focus and self explore, to ultimately empower me to become the person i want to be. I knew turning 18, I couldn't just pack my bags an leave town, I had to leave on a good note, so fashion became my outlet for expanding my world while staying where I am now, and empowering whatever I do. It is perhaps being self focused and self exploring, also results into small bits of feeling alone and existential confrontation along the journey. I do know that I'm not there yet, and I knew from a gut feeling that it will be a long ride and not an overnight flyby. Unfortunately, there are many unsuspecting roadblocks and challenges that I have to face. The seeds I planted initially 2/3 years ago , and sowed over time, are starting to show it's fruition. I know it'll all be worth it but goddamn, I need more time.

[Syeknom]

[Bobbin.Threadbare]

I'm going to a 4 hour intensive lindy hop dance lesson today. Hope I don't fall over.

[Bobbin.Threadbare]

Well. That was embarrassing.

[sknss]

did you fall over?

[bels]

I was in Londres today. I meant to go ACNE and checkout that Acne Vancouver but I didn't have time. I also neglected to plan ahead so I couldn't even call germ up and demand a hangout.

[Syeknom]

Did you manage to visit any cool shops?

[bels]

I visited but nowhere. Was at an old family friend's house.

[bels]

Went to the gym this morning and put my new saddle on my bike:



Only issue now is that if you lift my seat post you can get a saddle and saddle bag which probably go for about £80 on sleezebay. Going to go get a hex bolt and araldite a ball bearing in there or whatever it is that people do

Also, what's the effay aesthetique way to carry a bike lock?

[starfox64]

>Also, what's the effay aesthetique way to carry a bike lock?

put it in your acronym bag. you may have to buy a modular apparatus to do so

[ramseames]

Massive layoffs at work as things slow down for winter, cutting 40 jobs within my shift alone which i think is just under 50%. I'm protected which takes away a lot of the stress, but it's still fucking hard seeing how nervous everyone around me is. Doesn't help that the manager in charge of it just calls out in front of everyone the list of people who're being axed.

[Bobbin.Threadbare]

RE: dancing -- I was awful for the first 3 hours. The only one I could seem to get a grasp of was the Charleston. Luckily I didn't fall over, unluckily the shoesI was wearing had so much grip to them that I could barely move.

[RycePooding]

seems like a shitty way to fire people. what do you do?

[can-]

Freddy if you wanna make your own BPD thread I'll read it. maybe Sam can post in it too

[Stingray Sam]

Bpd thread?

[ramseames]

I'm surveying on a large construction site. I basically run my department for earthworks on night shift. It is pretty shitty, that one superintendent who's doing it seems to think they can use it as a scare tactic to keep people on their toes when in reality it just takes people's minds off of work and makes things less safe.

[RycePooding]

A friend of mine just won a moped in a raffle that he'll sell to me for cheap.

I kind of want to buy it, learn how to fix minor issues, and then spend the next year mopeding on back highways, camping where ever I feel like it. It's romantic, but I could probably pull it off, both in finding the time to do and financially.

I'm about to graduate college and don't really know what to do, but I feel like I need some gigantic trip//adventure to get my mind straight before committing to any sort of grad school or job. I kind of feel bad that most people don't have the means to do this, but because I do, at the same time I feel I should take advantage of it.

I'm over thinking this, just very stressful.

[Bobbin.Threadbare]

Take advantage of it. I've taken several long breaks (before uni, after uni, after a career change) and they've all helped. Don't worry about age and all that shit.

Mopeds are fucking awesome, but be careful. What type is it?

[bels]

Do gigantic trip/adventures ever really sort anything out.