Feelings

[omgimacarrot]

Why does every girl I'm interested have family (read daddy) issues?

[can-]

you really think that's a coincidence? you're the one picking them

[omgimacarrot]

[rjbman]

okay, Barney:

[schiaparelli]

i don't really want to go to sleep because i am the only one in a building meant to house 33 people
it just feels a bit weird that things are so quiet and i have at my disposal all these sinks and showers and laundry machines,
but i'm still only one person who just got back from winter break early.

but i am also in this state of deep, contented certainty about life, which is really rare for me. i spend a lot of time in a state of anxious flux where i don't really trust myself to forge through life—but right now i just feel like being happy is not just this ephemeral thing that comes and goes unreliably, but a reproducible mental state i am capable of reproducing. and i kind of trust that when i wake up tomorrow morning i'll be able to handle all the large and small things in life, and still make headway towards those Greater Life Goals i keep in the faint upper reaches of my mind. it's just one of those times where i feel really lucky and sure about myself.

to bed! i hope everyone is either sleeping comfortably and peacefully, or will get to do so soon!

[schiaparelli]

[rjbman]

I hate hate hate excessive bedding. Not that I'm one to make my bed daily (need to start with this habit), but the idea of excessive stuff besides the pillows I use for sleeping bugs the crap out of me. When I wanna go to bed I wanna lift up the covers and crawl underneath, not clear 3/4s of the pillows off of it before sleeping.

Change my mind.

[hooplah]

there are some people visiting the office today so fancy lunch was catered for them

but there are LEFTOVERS!!!!!!!!!!! and i am eating them

[bels]

someone threw my tshirt at me and it missed and hit one of those scent diffuser things and the scent went everywhere and then they used my tshirt to mop up the scent. Now my room has a Very Strong Smell and so does my tshirt.

[can-]

' someone '

[RycePooding]

I feel lonely guys.

[kyung]

we'll have a care-tags meetup to discuss our feels ryce

the care-tags feel up

[Mippipopolous]

Been a bit of a crazy week for me. Visited my brother in Las Vegas, hadn't seen him for a couple years, since I moved, so going back was really nice. Was great seeing all the old places I used to go to all the time, seeing the mountains, and all that. But last night was my last night there, got a call from my dad, he was obviously upset. I can probably count the number of times I've heard my dad audibly upset on one hand. Apparently my grandmother isn't doing well at all, so he left this morning to see her, picked up my older sister along the way. My dad and sister should be there soon and apparently my grandma is still hanging on, so hopefully they'll see her before she passes. It just all depends, waiting to here from them now.

I'm back in Iowa after my flight today, had to take a taxi from the airport home, but I felt very distant in Vegas and still do now. It'd be almost impossible for me to get there at this point, just don't have the money or means at all. Don't even know if I could make it to the funeral depending on when that is. There are just so many things going on and trying to juggle them all while traveling across the country in the winter has made for a hell of a couple days and I'm not even through the woods. I'd feel like such a terrible family member if I wasn't able to go to the funeral. I already do feel that way since I'm not going to be able to see her. It's hard too since I wasn't able to go to my grandfather's funeral either when he passed years ago. I was never very close with my grandma since we moved across country when I was young, so I never saw her much, but she was a good women and even though it wasn't unexpected with her health declining it's still hard. She's my last grandparent left. It's so hard knowing what my dad is going through losing his last parent especially, he's lost so much family and I just so feel so bad for him. I'm very glad my sister was able to get off work to go down with him, making that drive alone would just be so bad.

It's been a hell of a couple days, saying goodbye to my brother, family emergencies, and just so much stuff. Just have really been in need of people to vent to, it means a lot to have you guys here to listen when I'm going through a rough time, really does. Had a number of friends who've really been great to talk to in a crisis and I'm very thankful for that. Shout out to Tucker for continuing to be the best! I really hope you're all doing well guys.

[kyung]

It's not your fault if you don't have the means to be there man, feel better mippi :(

[TheLouisVuittonPawn]

just watched “Her”

I'm not sure if its the lack of sleep or drugs but that may be the most emotionally attached/invested I've ever gotten to a movie. The plot is kinda my life right now except replace the AI shit with people/girls I've met through fashion forums of all places. I was not expecting to get a mirror to my soul from a movie that got recommended on reddit for its wardrobe design. Of course I'll have to see how I feel about the movie after I watch again and I haven't been on a 23 hour add med assisted marathon of schoolwork and procrastination.

[jrisk]

[bhajz]

why can't u delete posts

[Stingray Sam]

omg people are literallly] cryin gover milk

i started therapy for depression and i love you guys but i want to

i shouldn't tell you guys this because i promised i would only tell olyvia jessi and my family

[smiles]

I really dislike flying =[ but I like the bibimbap they give you on Korean air =]

[smiles]

I really dislike flying =[ but I like the bibimbap they give you on Korean air =]

[Stingray Sam]

I'd like to apologize for my drunk posting last night

[omgimacarrot]

Just got done seeing "Her" and my god the feels are flowing. Its a pretty cheesy movie, but I liked it a lot. It hit home with myself and women. I never know what I want anymore ever since I broke up with the girl I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. I know I'm probably getting annoying with sharing my life on here, but I really only feel comfortable to telling my story to people I don't even know online. I'm not even sure why. There's this feeling of anonymity that makes me feel...good. I'm surrounded by friends that support me, reassure me everything will okay, and pick me up when I'm down, and yet I still feel lonely. Maybe I'm thinking way too much about this because I'm going to die eventually, but I guess that's what makes me feel alive.

[bueno]

Been at uni since september and haven't really found a group of friends quite as good as my ones back home... don't get me wrong i do hang out with a lot of fun/good people here but i don't feel like i've properly 'gelled' with any group like i did back home and am not as comfortable around people (except a few). Going to get more involved in some societies & sports clubs this semester, work more efficiently, keep up with the gym slightly better than i have been previously, and hopefully improve a few other things in my life so hopefully that will positively affect me as a whole. Made me kind of sad (but not really sad... not sure what the best word to use is) when a few of my good friends were saying that they were really looking forward to going back to uni but i was kind of meh because i'd rather hang with them all the time. rambling sry. weather here doesn't make me happy either.

[potsticker]

It's really easy to make sort of superficial friends as a frosh, esp. living in a dorm. And you know, you can have a ton of fun with them, you'll be doing all sorts of cool independent things. Some people seem to do pretty well with having friends who are friends just because they are-their friendship is enough to have in common I guess. However, people you've known for what, 4-5 months based on something as superficial as living in the same building are probably not going to be friends in the same way as someone you've known since grade school.
I (pretty much) guarantee there are people who you will gel with in college. Like you say, you gotta get out there. Whatever you're into, or even curious about trying, chances are good that your college facilitates a way to get into it, more easily than it will ever be again. As you get further into school, possibly work, extracurriculars, you're likely to meet people you'll like more, as long as you're not super anti-social. Also, having friends, or even just going along with stuff people you know are doing, will make it much easier to meet new people who you may better gel with.

rambling from someone who has done pretty much the opposite of all that stuff.

[AmericanPie]

Recently reconnected with an old friend/high school girlfriend. Rather, we'd reconnected over the last few months, but she visited this last week. And it was the most amazing thing ever. Do you know what it's like to meet someone else who just gets it? I guess that seems a little silly to say. Someone who knows exactly what you mean, who stops you to excitedly finish your sentences about how you feel because they know the exact feeling, that one that no one else quite gets. Anyway, she stayed with me for a day, and we had the most wonderful time, perusing book stores, reading passages out of the Wit and Wisdom of Discworld together, watching Woody Allen movies, etc., I could go on. Anyway, now she's in another country, across a country and an ocean, and she lives far away from me as is. And is seeing someone there, who she told me she wouldn't stop seeing for me. So, yeah, that happened. I don't know if how wonderful the time we spent together was comes across, but I just wish we were in the same place.

Anyway, I just needed to get that out to someone.

[ramseames]

Sending snapchats intended for a specific person to multiple others who have no context for the caption makes me feel so very dumb.

[sauce]

starting to see a counselor regularly today. really hope it goes well, hope I feel comfortable talking about anything with her.

I see people on here / other forums talking openly and genuinely about depression and feeling down, and I feel like that'd be good for me too. I've been struggling with depression for about a year and a half, and I only a week ago accepted it and started to seek help from family / friends / professionals. my grades really suffered because of it last semester and I was almost academically suspended (forced to leave and reapply in the future), but thankfully I'm still here at university. I really need to get my act together and turn everything around this semester.

Today was the first day of classes, and I felt really great. I'm very happy that I'm off to a good start, I hope I can keep it up.

[Mippipopolous]

Thank you guys all so much for the kind words. You're an amazing group of amazing people!

My grandmother passed away this morning, so she hung on and fought to be able to see a lot of people. Talked to my dad just a bit ago, it's so hard hearing him going through this, wish I was there now. Trying to figure things out for the funeral, looks like it'll be the day before classes start, but I might have a way to get down there, we'll see. Just have to get in touch with any professors whose classes I might miss Tuesday. It's all just very up in the air and chaotic, I'm sure you guys know how it is.

I did have a really nice week in Chicago with my sister and her boyfriend though. It's nice being surrounded by so many great people. Lot to figure out for sure, haven't really had any time to think for myself amidst the craziness. Like I said, I was never particularly close to my grandma, so it's mainly hard seeing how it effects the people in the family I am close to. Mourning lost possibilities as well I guess. Alone now since my sister and her boyfriend are at work, gonna head for a walk and clear my head and then get back to figuring out logistics. Gonna be a crazy week that's for sure.

Thanks again for being so great guys! Nice to have people to vent to outside of the situation about it all. So tired, never dealt well with changing plans and uncertainty well, but it's the name of the game I guess. Hope you're all doing well!

[maj]

today i got my first uni offer and it feels kind of surreal, if i'm honest with myself i never thought i'd get an attainable offer which would lead to something i wanted to do. my areas 6th form is set in such a way that you choose 4 subjects from blocks and that's what you do, first year i chose maths sciences and geography with it ending up with me flunking all but geography, this lead to the second year being harder as i was demoralized from the first, set back a year and wasn't with people i knew/liked anymore. it's easy for someone to say "use it as fuel to get better" but once you suddenly get told you're shit after doing ok in previous exams it makes you re-assess your priorities, i finally see why there are kids in the lower grades just giving up by the time their 16 because all their life they've been told they're not good enough and segregated from others into a pool of people "not good enough". it creates a vicious cycle.

i'm now rounding out my third year doing stuff i like and i'm doing better, but with all my mates gone of to uni i cant wait to finish this chapter and go on to something i want to which is primary teaching. i guess i'm kind of thankful for having internet fashion over the last few years as it always reminded me there was something i 'got' and i could explain easily leaving me feeling that there was some form of escape or something to latch on to, it's also probably why i put so much time and money into it. uni is just what i need right now as i'm no social recluse but where i live there isn't a lot going on and everything that was here has now vanished off to uni, meeting a new crowd of people away from what i know in a new setting sounds quite appealing so i'm quite excited. i just have to make this final push then i'm done.

i still have 4 more offers to come, including the two i'm really yearning for (Kingston and Gloucester ), but it's nice to have one that you know you'll be happy with. the great thing about Worcester is that it provides everyone with a 2:1 a guaranteed teacher training program interview and a chance to do a semester somewhere else so it's definitely not a bad place. the only benefits my favorite two have is Kingston is a stones throw from London which is majorly appealing and Gloucester course leaves you with a degree that enables you to teach English anywhere else in the world after graduation. but after 3 years in 6th form i'll be happy to go anywhere.

[BobbyZamora]

for about a decade now my sister has had recurring drug problems- heroin, cocaine, meth at different points.

a few months ago she moved in with us after being kicked out of her apartment (her boyfriend got arrested, she had no income.) with her latest addiction being morphine. we got her help, put her on methodone (and some other medication) and she was diagnosed with schizophrenia or some variation (presumably drug induced). she was doing better for a while but today she "went for a walk" (on the doctor's suggestion) and apparently decided to hitchhike out of town. we went looking for her but couldn't find her.

it's all kind of a mess, but we called the doctor and because she has a mental disorder, supposedly the police will actually look for her and take her to a psych ward if she is found (prior to this we had tried getting the police to deal with her, or getting her in to rehab or similar but she just absolutely wouldn't, and the police claimed there was nothing they can do; apparently her being diagnosed with a condition changes that though)

these past few months have been pretty stressful, not to mention hard to focus on school, etc.