by inherently » Mon Jan 20, 2014 8:16 pm
This week, due to time constraints/conflicts, we decided to play “”, instead. We also had some people listening in (kyung and some others as well)
It was a warm spring afternoon as John woke from the falling petals of cherry blossoms ("does senpai notice me yet?"). He lay on a set of white stone steps. In front of him was sparkling water and swan boats, and behind him sat the enormous stone statue of Abraham Lincoln.
What was he doing here? Who was he? These pressing questions were ignored, as the first of many voices began to echo in his head.
"Hello John. My name is Hunnish. Let's find us a day care center."
John had no choice but to obey, and found one on the map, three miles away. He was there in no time, and was greeted by the receptionist at the front desk.
"May I help you?" she enquired.
"Yeah, I'd like to go see the children?”
"I'm sorry sir, but you have to be a parent to do so."
"Yeah, I am," he fibbed, "that blonde one is mine".
The front desk lady wasn't buying it, and she pressed a button on the desk. Hunnish took action, and leapt over the desk, clotheslining the receptionist as he did so. He ran into a classroom, where a teacher was reading a story to a group of three-year-olds.
He proceeded to seize a teddy bear from a young boy, and dropped his pants. The kids and the teacher stared in horror as Hunnish unsuccessfully tried to put the teddy bear inside of him. (“it was too soft”). This failure broke Hunnish's control, and John was greeted by a new voice:
"John, you crazy bastard, drop that bear and pull up your pants. The cops are coming, and you need hostages. My name is Odradek. Grab two long haired, pretty girls and get down that hall. How does their hair smell? Good, right?"
“That does smell good,” agreed John. He obliged, but was distracted by the sound of approaching sirens.
"You gotta sneak out the back, John. Chew on their hair to make sure the cops can't hear you breathing. This is nerve-wracking, John, really chew like crazy. Swallow if you have to." John did, and took a nice big bite of one of the girls' hair.
His obsession satisfied, Odradek relinquished control back to Hunnish, who immediately commanded John to head back inside. John came face to face with the teacher, and wasted no time in smacking her down with one of the little girls. The other girl went catatonic with shock.
"Let's find a toy that's sturdy and dense, John." John ran into a room, and his eyes fell upon a small red firetruck. "Perfect. Now let's put it inside." However, in his overeager haste, he missed, and rammed it into his balls. ("I mean, do people normally want to sodomize themselves with children's toys?" "do you even know me?") The pain caused Hunnish to lose control, and a new voice entered the scene.
"Hello John, this is Rjbman. Let's grab this paintbrush, and leave that nice teacher lady a note. I think she likes you, so you should paint your number on her face. Backwards, so she can read it properly in the mirror." (“paint it on her forehead, gets all the ladies hotnbothered”)
"Yes, that should defnitely get her to call you back. Now let's get out of there." John proceeded to unlock and hotwire a car, threw the unconscious child in the passenger seat, and using Rjbman's talent for driving, reversed out of the parking lot, and sped towards the White House.
---
A couple of blocks away, John pulled over, and approached a female tourist and her family, dragging the girl behind him.
"Hey babe, what's up? I know ladies love a man who loves children. This is my daughter."
She wasn't buying it, and her husband approached menacingly. John took a swing at the husband with the girl. Unfortunately, he let go, and she sailed into traffic, and another voice seized control.
:] “My name is Syeknom." Said the voice in a British accent. "Start crying uncontrollably. Hysterics. Earn his sympathy. Grab him and cry onto his shoulder. Get his shirt all wet and soppy." "And his hair," he added as an afterthought.
Whatever Syeknom's plan was, it worked, and the husband had no choice but to comfort the sobbing John, and was quickly growing uncomfortable.
"Now excuse yourself for making a mess, and ask him to lead you to a public bathroom to clean up." Unfortunately, he wasn't persuasive enough, and lost control as the husband gathered his family and hurried away.
"We meet again, John." said the now-familiar voice of Odradek. "Let's find a tour group. Look! Do you see those Japanese tourists heading to the White House? We can just blend in with them. Yes, that's great. Now look at that girl's long silky smooth hair. Doesn't it smell so good? You should show your appreciation for such beauty.” (“pet it with your tongue”)
John, having experience with this sort of thing now, did as he was told, and pulled the girl’s hair into a ponytail, stroking it before eating the whole thing in one giant bite. (“THAT IS MY NIGHTMARE, JESUS”). He then made his getaway into a bathroom, where he found Joe Biden doing his business in the urinal. John waited for the right time, and he pounced - ripping out Biden's hair with his teeth and knocking him unconscious.
His obsession once again satisfied, Odradek let Syeknom take control :]. “Hello, public bathroom. Hello, unconscious Joe Biden. Let's take his clothes and hair. Yes, now buff your shoes slightly, and wiggle your shiny shoe underneath the stall door. Ask the chap to open up in a sultry voice, but announce yourself as the vice president first."
A familiar voice responded, "Hello, Joe." The door swung open, revealing Barack Obama sitting on the toilet. "This again?" (“ooh obama-san~”).
"I was not prepared for Obama," said Syeknom, "Proposition him for a stall blowjob, somewhat but not excessively aggressively. Time for presidential hanky panky."
Obama seemed more than willing to do so, but halfway through the shenanigans, he paused and said, "Wait a minute, Joe isn't this big".
Syeknom didn't hesitate a moment with his response. "Get aggressive, John. Pin him to the toilet. Stare into his eyes. Yes. Now start crying. Angrily. You gotta finish that, sorry. Mr. President."
It was at this moment that a detail of Secret Service walked in the door, catching John and Obama in the act. "I don't think we can get any more blowjobs here. Shake Obama and tell him to call off security." ("I-I just w-wanted senpai to notice me") Unfortunately, Syeknom's lucky streak ended, leaving JackieChan in control.
"Well then, John. We've got to act quickly. Tie your belt around Obama's neck and use him as a hostage. Now get security to bring you lots of bags of popcorn, and have one bring you a car." John's demented appearance and twitching eyes was enough to convince the Secret Service that John meant business.
---
Five minutes later, they were in the car with big bags of popped popcorn, and five more minutes brought them to a local park. "Now let's catch some pigeons, John." commanded JackieChan.
The scattered popcorn quickly caught the attention of a flock of pigeons. Still holding Obama down (“hold his head between your thighs”), John grabbed three pigeons in one motion. (“you also have to sing ‘catch the pigeon’”). With the birds caught, JackieChan proceeded to have John snap their necks, and devour them whole. John managed to swallow down two birds, but couldn't stomach the third. The retching caused JackieChan to lose control.
Alby was now in control, and directed John to the nearest house - at some point, the Secret Service agent had disappeared. He proceeded to break in and sneak up to the bedroom. He tucked the now unconscious Obama into the bed (with a kiss on the cheek), and proceeded to jump in and spoon him.
However, try as he might, John was too pumped up on adrenaline to fall asleep. Frustrated, Alby gave up, and SteevMike took control.
But by now, police sirens in the distance had gotten incredibly loud. There was only one thing to do, SteevMike rationalized.
"Let's sneak downstairs and find the sharpest knife in the drawer." There was pounding on the door, but SteevMike's skill helped John stay on track. With the knife in hand, he surgically removed Obama's face as the Secret Service (Speshul Security) busted down the door.
"No need to worry, my fellow citizens! I have anything under control" John shouted from the staircase, wearing Obama’s face as a mask. Unfortunately, he wasn't convincing enough.
"He's killed the president! Take him down!"
The last things John felt were the bullets hitting his body.