by rublev » Sat Feb 08, 2014 9:06 pm
All my applications are in for art school now and i feel weird. Such a concentration of ideas / thinking in such a short period of time... i feel like i put a lot of work into my portfolio and now it's all out of my hands. I was pretty lost / confused after i finished my degree..., and then i did a postgrad degree thinking, oh hey i just need to do this and THEN i'll figure out what i want to do!! That's a lie. It doesn't exist. I've felt more happy doing my portfolio over the last few months than i have in so many years. Not that i wasn't happy doing my other degree..., but it was a different set of rules for my brain. Looking back it felt very clinical... lots of information and analysis but for what? I did international law / strategic studies - focusing on the Middle East / Caucasus, looking at whether targeted killing is legal etc etc. It was just INFORMATION..., here's my analysis on THIS EVENT to a small portion of people who care but will almost certainly in every instance disagree with what i have to say but in the end what we all churn out is of little significance. I did a 4 month internship for a risk analysis agency and all i did was pretty much tell people who paid us (the company i mean) how many people died in one location, how they died, and whether they should risk going there or not. Am i meant to feel better?
I'm rambling but what i'm trying to say is that if there's something you enjoy or something that makes you feel good about yourself or gives a sense of relief, take that road!
I'll probably find out over the next month whether i've got an interview for any of the schools i've applied for. I have a feeling in my gut, i don't want to jinx anything. But i have a feelings. I don't know what it's trying to tell me. Realistically..., i shouldn't get in. I decided late on to do this, and completed a portfolio in just 3 months on my own while working. But all i can do is wait for now. My top choice is Glasgow School of Art (i have no idea if people here will know what i'm talking about). I haven't cried in a long long time but i'll be a doubled over mess if this works out.
edit: actually, that's a lie, i have cried quite recently.