Writers Group

[bels]

We've had a lot of new users who maybe don't understand this game so maybe I should re explain it. The idea is that a nominated person must create a small piece of creative writing inspired by whichever fit was most recently posted in WAYWT when they were nominated. They post the piece in the What Is Care Tags Wearing Today thread (viewtopic.php?f=3&t=276&hilit=what+is+care+tags+wearing) and then nominate the next person via PM.

For the piece you can do whatever, I'd say aim for about 200 words. It shouldn't take longer than one or two sittings.

If you want to get involved then just leave a comment or something and I'll add you to the list

Current list is

Active Duty



Awaiting Deployment

Not Syek
Molasses
Sister Ray
RJB
Bela

On Leave

Soundclip
Smiles
Schia
Odradek
Dwindler
Major John
Ramseams

[omgimacarrot]

I'd like some feedback on this vignette that I wrote for my Advanced Fiction Writing course. I hate everything I produce, but my professor says it's has beautiful descriptors. I'm more of a poetry person.

Eyes

A set of eyes can tell a story. A story of the person you love the most or run into on a New York sidewalk. They’re terrifying, yet beautiful. Some eyes are deep enough to dive in. I have examined my family’s eyes for years.

Mom was born with blue-green eyes that change with the season. Her eyes are full of compassion, full of wisdom. In the winter, the crystalline mounds on the ground glisten in her eyes from the love of the season.
Dad’s eyes are brown. Brown like a damp cave with barely any room to navigate. They are intimidating and inflicted with a scar from a car crash. My brother and I knew not to mess with dad.
But as he has grown old, they’ve softened, allowing myself to explore the pain he hides.

My brother has blue eyes. Real blue eyes. Two sapphires that thieves make it their life goal to obtain. As far as the eye can see, blue. However, he’s getting older now, creating a barrier around them.
I can’t seem to get past like when we would sit in front of the television for hours on end. The barrier runs in my dad’s side of the family.

My blue eyes are different. Surrounding the pupils is a gold streak, like a thunderstorm over an ocean in the dead of summer. Not knowing what to expect when it gets to shore. There isn’t a barrier.
It may take a while to get to shore, but eventually the sky will open. Sometimes the storm fizzles out over the ocean. Or picks up traction, unloading an assortment of wind, rain, and hail.
A mix of possibilities, all contained in eyes. Within those possibilities is giving water to the jade plant my family has neglected. Everyone was scared to make the first move, but I got up, and I watered it.

[bels]

[Stingray Sam]

I'd like some feedback on a poem preformed at a poetry slam. I only got 25/30 with it, but that was kinda expected since the judges don't really know what they're doing and this was pretty against the norm for a poetry slam


we stand there waxing prophetic under street light nights


in that punk air

that punk stare



society don't want our angry glares

my pops don't want that crazy hair


so instead its stoned nights yell up high drive to bourgeois ranch castles
singing joys into the cold lights

temporary fraternal flames

that electric indestructibility

that consuming self destruction


cause i need an excuse
cause i'm a troubled youth

desperate silent yells to the stars
pleading for someone to notice
the punk air
the punk stare

my life's the centerfold of a playboy
fucked up daddy issues no appetite chain smoking pill popping self hating
and it's only 4.99 an issue

look at the pain in my eyes
the sneer on my face
the disrespect on my tongue
the anger on the bottom of my boots

so fuck you
cause i don't need you to tell me what to do
fuck you
cause i don't need your conformity
fuck you
all i need is for you to look at me
feel for me
cry for me

in this post-modern nihilism light, with electric sounds and hate filled nights


: I like Saul Williams quite a bit

[bels]

Poem seems decent stingray but if you really want feedback you should do a recording. You can score big performing a bad poem well but seldom the other way round.

Plus when you record yourself you can work on all sorts of stuff.

[Stingray Sam]

aside from when i messed up on "the anger on the bottom of my boots" i think this is a pretty good representation of what it was like

[bels]

Come on who's next sort it out.

[bels]

Good post Stingray.

You're up next. Do me a favour and do it pretty quick? Turn around on these things compared to #neknom is pretty shaming.

[chilljin]

@stingraysam really, really enjoyed your poem - hope you don't mind but i did my own version of a reading - too much breathing but wanted to do a first impression reading




also i've not been called or anything but i love poetry and atleast try to write one shitty one daily, here's todays melodramatic rambling

[bels]

finally got round to hearing your poem. Was good but I think it would have been better if you got really really mad at the end, it felt a little restrained.

[UnwashedMolasses]

Oh right! I'd like to nominate @germinal for the next What Is Care Tags Wearing.

[bels]

Excellent turn around time germinal and molasses. I'd like to keep a loose hip fire attitude to the WICTW posts. Anyway, current list:

Current list is

Active Duty



Awaiting Deployment

Inherently
Not Syek
Sister Ray
Bela

On Leave
Molasses
Jerminal
Soundclip
Smiles
Schia
Odradek
Dwindler
Major John
Ramseams

[FeministFatal]

@chilljin Shit your reading is so good. As Stingray's sig other ive heard the poem a million times but i felt like I was hearing it agian in an all new and meaningful way. Your accent makes me proud to be Scottish and sad that my english language accents blow. Keep at it you are talented.

[FeministFatal]

Also is there a screening process at being added to the list for writing about the fits? I shyly request inclusion.

[FeministFatal]

Hey so while I have a posting streak... It would be cool if someone could listen to this poem and give me a critique. I am trying to get out of a rut and I realized I have a hard time writing poetry that isn't my "style." But I'm not sure what's working and what isn't.

https://soundcloud.com/jessica-mcquarri ... ines-day-2

[bels]

No screening process! Anyone is welcome to join!

Current list is

Active Duty



Awaiting Deployment

Inherently
Not Syek
Sister Ray
Bela
FeministFatal

On Leave
Molasses
Jerminal
Soundclip
Smiles
Schia
Odradek
Dwindler
Major John
Ramseams

[Stingray Sam]

Hey wrote this last, night it mostly recounts my recent experiences with anxiety. I'm planning on reading this at the next poetry slam. It is no where near finished, i'd just like some feedback on it


I

Mournful departures and mournful eyes give way to golden treetops that rise above the houses of the dead

like a dream i cannot control

like those prepubescent moments i cannot forget

slowly my anger, unfounded and directionless, my righteous self, who’s backwoods ignorant full of glory hallelujah sermons hold no water in those harsh realities

creeps up to the edge and tumbles down

down

down

A misstep, a slippery slope, a fateful miscalculation

My heart in my ears and breaths quicken

i trip back into middle school eyes, the spotlight shines so bright on the undeserved and the unwilling

In those southern cedar halls, oh so venerated, verdant, spat upon and looked up to i stumbled

hands out stretched, head hung towards the ground, mouthing silent screams i regain unsteady balance

tripping again on locks on handles on rough brick walls i fall

i fall down the stairs across the tile through the door and land on the bed

wretched howls and fitful spasms returned to pre-nascent form

patriarchal icons fill my eyes, I am not willing, no not now, i cannot accept this orthodoxy

Firm hands try as they might cannot birth me back to the gardens of eden

cause on 450 i’m like a fat crackling swine, that is apple always in my mouth

whispered conversations and paternal furrowed brows and pained eyes make the broken incantations and howls swell and swell

right now its hermitage

but right now its doors flung open for the world to see

passing tourists stop and look and touch

with that the swells break and the flames crown, in the throws of paralyzation foreign sounds escape my animal throat and chants to the idols of order escape my animal throat

II

now its white thumb and forefinger pressed together

now its mute head cradled in maternal breasts

now its regret spewing from my mouth as i run

now its eyes closed

now its morning

now its better

breathing quickens, pulse jumps

now its better

450 again

now its better

stomach drops again

now its better

can’t walk without tripping

now its better

face against brick walls again

now its better

careful steps, timid strides

now its better

now its better

now its no confidence, wake up jumps, late night distractions, and future fears

now its better

[chilljin]

Went through a horrible day yesterday. It's incredibly rare I feel down, normally only once every few months or so, but it tends to hit me quite hard.
One of the good things, however, is it tends to inspire me to write. Couldn't think of a proper title so this is just called 'true procrastination'

A list of fruitful desires and ambitions.
Sort my life out once and for all. Yet I
Am stricken. Forced down upon my knees and
No desire to crawl. Stop.

My mind is a metronome. I rock endlessly;
Staring through my window into the void of self
Defeat. Motivation, in its simplest form, struggles to
Climb to the surface, ever being nonchalantly slapped
Down by the bolstrous bastards that go by melancholy
And empty thoughts. Slowly, I forget all that I was taught.

This can change.
It will change.

All it would take is one fucking catalyst. Stop
Relying on that fucking plant.
Change my life. For the best indeed.
I will stand up to the grey world and I will fucking chant;
'I am a man. The man you need'.
And the world will extend its broken arms and hold me forever,
In it's hopeful, warming embrace.

I'll do it. Better myself. Work out. Make
Friends. Enjoy life. Have a family.
Smile from ear to fucking ear. I
Will wake up each day with a desire to
Be me.
For I am me.

I'll do it.

When?

.....maybe tomorow.


Not too happy with this reading, but I like to make all the ones I record first impressions to try make them more natural.

[bels]

I nominated U inherently.

Current list is

Active Duty



Awaiting Deployment

Inherently
Sister Ray
FeministFatal

On Leave
rjbman
bela
Molasses
Jerminal
Soundclip
Smiles
Schia
Odradek
Dwindler
Major John
Ramseams

[RycePooding]

anyone interested in giving me some honest feedback on the beginning of something I got going? PM me your email adress if so, I have ~4k words so far, nothing crazy.

[bels]

Feminist and Inherently did their wictwt didn't they? I guess it's sister ray now. Assuming he's still around. I'll ping him.

[bels]

I was meant to ping him but I didn't ping him =[

Sisterray if you can hear this please give us a sign. Otherwise is up.

Current list is

Active Duty



Awaiting Deployment

Sister Ray
amikrumpingnow


On Leave
Inherently
FeministFatal
rjbman
bela
Molasses
Jerminal
Soundclip
Smiles
Schia
Odradek
Dwindler
Major John
Ramseams

[SisterRayVU]

Just wanted to say that I'm ON IT and I'm doing this one in the spoiler. Getting breakfast with the grandma and then I'm posting it up!

[rjbman]

bumping for WICTW.... did you pick the next person?

[bels]

There's noone to pick. Only can save us now.

[SisterRayVU]

DIDN'T IKnow i had to pick D: D: D:

[bels]

You don't have to pick this time. We're at the final writer.

[bels]

Alright, great work everyone on season 1 of WICTW!

Why not go back and have a re read of some of our greatest hits?

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=276&p=18328&hilit=what+is+care+tags+wearing#p18328

EIther way it's time for season 2. Anyone can sign up so if you want to write a small piece of fiction based on a care tags fit just post here and I'll add you to the list.

Now for season two! I nominate to get the ball rolling.


Current Deployment List (holler if you wish to be added):
Sister Ray
amikrumpingnow
Inherently
FeministFatal
rjbman
bela
Molasses
Jerminal
Soundclip
Smiles
Schia
Odradek
Dwindler
Major John
Ramseams

[bels]

Hold on did actually do one or not.

[oucho]

this thread seems cool, I would like to have a go at writing something one day but not right now, in the meantime I keep a journal though, yesterday I tried to read through it all for the first time but I can't read my own handwriting