Feelings

[freddy]

regarding about driving, so i still have yet to get my drivers permit and my under 21 state id recently expired lol

i've known ppls not get it until their late 20s.

[zayg]

acing a final

[vgtbls]

Got a call about an internship!!! I hope I get it.

[Blastoise]

My ex and I finally talked. It went ridiculously well. Seriously, I feel really good about it. We're on the same page about pretty much everything. We're going to be talking a lot more and hanging out again pretty soon. I think things will end up working out between us again. Ahhhhhhhh it feels great. I've missed her a ton.

[RycePooding]

Went and planted a garden for my mom this morning before she woke up. Lots of pretty flowers and vegetables. Was so nice to see how happy she was when she woke up and saw it.

Happy Mother's Day weekend guys (smiling)

[stappard_]

tonight I found a birthday card from a couple of years ago from an ex on the top of my wardrobe. fuck, she wrote the best cards

[birdman caw]

^that can either be the best or worst feeling, I hope it's the former

April was crazy—moved into a new place, self-published a small book of poetry and essays and prose n shit and then basically spent the next three weeks writing essays, studying for finals, and dealing with a lot of bs at work. I ended up doing pretty bad in all my classes, and I might quit my job by the end of my month, but I feel optimistic. Self-publishing a chapbook was hugely rewarding, and I think I know where I need to go and what I need to do for future writing. The new apartment is miles beyond the previous one, and I can actually have people over without feeling embarrassed and nervous, plus I'm living with one of my best friends and the whole situation is very natural and fun. Been hanging out with this really cool girl and we're both into each other and though she's leaving town in a week or so for three months I don't really care. I guess I just see what she thinks of me and if she'd like to start things back up when she gets back? Will try to drink and smoke a little less, while running, reading, and writing a little more. I feel good about life.

[purkinje]

everyone remember to hug/call/thank your mothers today! Got her some marigolds for the garden (smiling)

[Stingray Sam]

Had to get my parents to pick me up 40 minutes away from my house at one in the morning because the cops wouldn't let drive my car home #happymothersday

[smiles]

i miss my mom :(

[kewks]

i stupidly went out last night after my friend convinced me to after we went to dinner after work.. she ended up going home with our waiter from the place we ate at... i felt so awful, i've never had that happen to me. i didn't realize how lucky i am to have actual friends that would never do that to me :( it was awful. i left without her and i couldn't catch a cab since it was near closing time, so no cabs were around so i ended up taking a limo (which turned a $25 cab ride into a $100 limo ride)... BY MYSELF :( how sad is that? then this morning i was too hungover to go to mother's day brunch. i was so sad and i felt so awful for not going :( but would have dampened the mood anyways

[arcticsound]

Spent the whole afternoon trying to decide between two undercover pieces on rakuten only to find out they don't accept paypal when I was checking out :'( Plus my phone decided to stop charging or turning on today.

[quad]

lots of emotional shit goin on lately. Dating a rape victim is rough to say the least :(

[RomanEmpire]

So my mariachi director dropped a bomb on us today and said that he's not going to be our director next year. He got an offer to go finish his degree (I think it's his masters, not really sure) at a university for free as well as getting to play in their mariachi. I'm really happy that he got this opportunity and was able to get it, I know that it's something that he's always wanted, but this still really sucks. I've known him since 8th grade and he's a really good director, everyone in the group loved him. I'm really going to miss him and I'm gonna try to make our last 3 performances this year really good. Two of my friends in particular took it really hard since they're closer to him than the rest of us. All of us cried but one of these two guys broke down and it hurt to watch.

Earlier this year our orchestra director also left because she got a really good job opportunity that she had been working towards for years and she simply could not pass it up. The director we have now is temporary and everyone has gotten really attached to her but she will be leaving at the end of this year as well. I have known the seniors in orchestra and mariachi since 7th grade and they will be graduating next year, which is going to be weird for me since they've always been there, and I've always looked up to them. I always thought to myself "When I'm a senior, I'm gonna be just as good as them" but now that I'm gonna be a senior next year I don't feel like my abilities are anywhere near theirs.

Next year is gonna be really weird for me and I just hope that our mariachi and orchestra groups aren't chaotic and we're able to adapt to all the change, I know it's gonna be really rough and I'm worried, but I'm also kind of excited to see what happens.

[Mippipopolous]

Four finals, got broken up with, favorite team eliminated from the playoffs. Easily been pushed into the winner's circle for worst week of college so far. Still one more final to go and then I'm getting the fuck out of this city for a little while. I'm just so worn down right now.

[ramseames]

(smiling))))

very sorry about everything else though of course

[jrisk]

:'( :'( :'( :'(

[hmwut]

my aunt died a few years back. her name was denise. she was a lifetime surfer, and her dream was to surf big sur. lung cancer cut that short.

we visited big sur today. my dad surfed in her stead. he was a little out of practice, but i think he did her justice.

we spread her ashes out on a cliff overlooking the sea. the waves were good today.

[starfox64]

i started writing up a really long and detailed recap of like the year that i was unemployed, but i decided to spare everyone.

regardless, the feeling of worthlessness that comes with long-term unemployment is overwhelming. i was so demoralized after a few months that all i could do was sleep. i'd send in job apps for a few hours and then just like eat hamburgers and play xbox and then sleep for like 14 hours a day.

so anyway, if you find yourself in a similar position, please get out and do something. all of these things are easier said than done, but either find an internship or go teach english in asia (the route i took) or teach yourself new skills or just find something to give your life some meaning on a day to day basis. because honestly, if i hadn't moved to korea, i probably would have killed myself years ago.

[freddy]

so i was able to catch up with my dad and he's such a fucking manlet (he's like 5'5 and i'm 6'), but his arrogance overwhelms any ideas for calling him out on his Napoleon Complex, if any, at all

old man is getting old though, full of white hair, and we can't go a block without him lighting up a smoke to aid his intense introspection/deep thoughts :/

these four years after turning 18 has been quite interesting to say the least, and i reckon i have another 10 years to enjoy the fuck out of my prime, before I'll have to really start thinking about taking care of them long-term – single-handedly as an only child/their only son.

expectedly we also argued/debated (which I know he always secretly desires for underneath) at the restaurant because in our relationship, i had to make a bitch cheap-shot move (which after all the cost-benefit analysis, it was necessary), which his "on-point" self-righteous persona is always to call me out.

It was critical for progressing the relationship and yielding more unrevealed details that is keeping us from a truer, genuine, no-frills, free-flowing father-son relationship. essentially, i am fighting his narcissism for his love/bonding as a father; i am beginning to realize, I am to a gain, to the impossible as i did with my mother, with my dad as well.

he is the fella striving for the absolute truth, and i suppose it rubs into me with my deterministic introspections/fanciful idealizations of the universe, that collides forces with his (and to many extents, my mothers as well)

these next three months there will be a lot of heavy changes for me, and hopefully if all things family work out beyond just my parents and dad, i can actually reap the benefits from them and what I have personally sowed myself

we also watched the new spiderman 3 in 3d! (smiling)

[fountainstairs]

Talked to one of my, maybe former, closest friends today. Sparked intense sentimentality, since i'm going to fall out of touch with her and many other close friends soon. This sort of thing has always gotten to me, looking at pictures of other people and seeing how they've changed. It always struck a chord with me, how life always moves on. I've always hated having to live out my life here, in the middle of nowhere, but looking back everything just seems less tarnished. "But like a drunken night it's the best bits that are coloured in."

I need a drink. A drink with my friends.

[WikiZuHeltzer]

I moved from France to come back to the UK for uni and only get to see my old mates once or twice a year if they're around when I go back. You may not talk everyday, you may not know exactly what each other are doing or how you're feeling, but when you see them again it's honestly like nothing has changed, like you never left. You're lucky: you get to go on and meet new people to have experiences with as well as relive all the old emotions and feel old the old feelings when you're with them.

[Stingray Sam]

So i'm working for Feminist's dad and they are able to use a very wealthy families lake cabin as long as they do some projects for them. This year they are building a deck. Another very wealthy family has a property right next to theirs. The family that owns the cabin we are staying at is probably five times wealthier, they have about two or three cabins on this property (i'm not entirely sure i've only been there one day). One of them is newer. 3 bedrooms, one has a ton of bunk beds in it, two bathrooms, nice kitchen, family room, beach front. It's quite nice but very reasonable. You wouldn't expect one of the richest families in our area to own it. The other house that i saw was built in the thirties and looks beautiful ( I haven't been inside). It is larger, but not extravagant. They have a tennis court that is quite old and not in use. Overall the property is very nice. I know that this family does quite a bit of humanitarian work as well. In contrast the property next door has 3 massive mansions on it, which are sooo ugly. They're all newer, it has a huge manicured lawn and an 18 hole golf course. I'm not entirely sure, but i think the owner does very little if any humanitarian work. It just seems ridiculous to me that people can accrue so much wealth in this country while others starve then to have the gall spend it all on mansions, golf courses and helicopters. I don't even know what to say except that i'm disgusted.

[JonjoShelvey]

maybe if i buy more things i wont hate myself anymore

[silvaeri]

all my friends and roommates are graduating from college this weekend and i'm not because i have an extra year tacked on because of switching majors my sophomore year. and it just sucks to seem them starting a new part of their life and i'm having to stay behind another year. like i'm super happy for them and it's awesome that they're graduating. i just wish i was graduating with them and could be celebrating as well. oh well, still have friends within my major so it's not like i'm losing all my friends.

[freddy]

my tummy hurts :(

inhindsight, i shouldn't have impulsively ate that "manger's special" rotisserie chicken last night :/

no farts tho - it could be the damn Tawianese/Vietnamese food idk

[navin]

man i love Andre 3000

[RomanEmpire]

Got to meet up with an old friend of mine who moved away for school. (He's super smart and got some scholarship to pretty much to go to college as a HS junior, and get his high school diploma at the same time, idk something cool like that). It was fun to catch up on each other's lives and see what's going on. However hearing about all the things he's accomplished school-wise made me feel kind of dumb

[charybdis]

Threw softballs with my sister today. My mother bought her this expensive net thing for her to pitch at that's kind of cool since if you hit it, it will bounce the ball back to you. That said, I have skinny stick arms, so I missed the net a lot and spent most of the time digging around the bushes.

I kind of regret not playing any team sports as a child.

[deadkitty]

Got in a car accident the other day that ended up triggering a lot of shit for me. Doesn't help that it looks like I've lost my job too. I'm really hoping I don't fall into a pit over the next few weeks.