Feelings

[vgtbls]

There are reasons, but no good reasons. It's tragic that some people can't share themselves enough to avoid hurting others.

[breakadawn]

thanks so much for that reply, my plan was to do that after talking to my schools IB coordinator this morning. I am really passionate about the subject so hopefully if I speak with their admissions department there's still a chance for me, but I'd still be okay with my insurance uni so it's not the end of the world. I just felt a bit shitty yesterday, that's all.

[parastexis]

I left home last week. I didn't expect to feel anything since I didn't live there much the last four years, and even when I went to study abroad in Europe it didn't mean much to leave. But it's the rest of my life now. Days before I left, my dog died, which I would've taken a lot better if I wasn't home for it, but seeing a strange body replace something you loved, and then physically burying it, is the hardest thing. Life feels particularly unfamiliar to me now, which I used to embrace. I'd rather be distracted from it for now.

[silvaeri]

i have a really nervous (maybe anxious?) feeling in the pit of my stomach right now and have had it most of the morning now and i really have no idea what i could be nervous about. there's literally nothing going on in my life that i could be worrying/stressing/nervous about.

sitting at my desk at work right now and feeling generally weird.

[teck]

could it be a seasonal thing? sometimes that happens to me, oddly enough, in the summer. i think because i used to associate summer with the end of school and i hated having a long summer of idleness.

[Bobbin.Threadbare]

You might be having a kind of panic attack. I have them sometimes and used to have them a lot. You just have to let it pass.

[silvaeri]

Seems to have sort of gone away now, still lingering a little bit.

It didn't feel particularly like a full blown panic attack, as I've had that one time before, but I do think it could have been/be something related.

I totally get the idleness comment , lately it's been feeling like all i do is go to work all day and even here i'm not given much work to do so i just sit idle on the internet most of the day.

[ramseames]

Flight was late departing due to a maintenance issue so i missed my shuttle and I'm stuck in YMM till 11. Chances of a decent sleep tonight are fucked, probably gonna get 4 hours even if things go smoothly.

[bels]

Find the entire property market housing thing draining and depressing. Constant pressure to try and buy a house. Do I even want a house? Do I even like this shithole town? Can't I just be a cool free spirit and rent forever? I loathe all of this shit and feel huge envy for people who don't have this toxic ass culture smothering them.

[stappard_]

...I exchanged on my new house today!

[bels]

Congratulations.

[ramseames]

[bels]

Four other chiefs offered above the asking price so it's back to the grind.

[zayg]

i wish i could get out of this shithole town :(

[zayg]

@jonrisk i already asked you to, friday night m8

[jrisk]

, haha yeah i know. what time and where?

[harmsalmon]

so I'm going to talk about this here because I have pretty much no one I can talk to about it irl. sad, I know. anyway. a little background first; basically, my stepmom was diagnosed w breast cancer almost a year ago. her and my dad are extremely religious (new-age fundamentalist christian yuppies) and pretty much decided that they would treat her (at the time, only stage 1) breast cancer with only "alternative medicine."

now, I'm all for doing what you can to avoid the horrors of chemo/radiation therapy, organic hippy-granola whatever-the-fuck-you-want-to-do. but, like most sane people, I also believe that this is useful in a balance with traditional, more scientific-advancement-based treatments. my stepmom, on the other hand, did not; spurred on by her equally-delusional "dietary therapist" sister, she decided to fight her (at this point, still very easily treatable) breast cancer armed solely with the power of an all-plant-food diet and prayer, in the process also dragging my easily-manipulated dad, her three year old son (my half brother) and my brother and I along with her. a few months into this, I began to suffer from health issues, which my doctor determined to be from the lack of bean energy and other nutrients in the meat-less carbohydrate-less gluten-less everything else-less household. this caused me to ultimately miss over three weeks of school due to a mutant sinus infection and saw a significant drop in my grades as a result of absences and apparent physical incompatibility the diet had with my already-deathly-thin and often-sickly state (but that's all a different story).

I figured that once her cancer began to worsen (it did), she and my dad may see the sense in at least considering a biopsy or some other more-practical, less-invasive treatment. nope. over the past few months we have seen her switch to an even stricter diet which necessitates her daily intake to consist of solely spinach salads and sweet potatoes, with the occasional water binge. she also had begun to look very unhealthily thin (she was already a rail) and her excess skin began to droop off of her face. she began to look like death in every sense of the phrase.

and now, over the past week or so, she has started to experience back pain which has essentially rendered her immobile. she has had to take two weeks off work (a brave move, considering my dad is recently unemployed and has been unable to hold a job for longer than three months for as long as I can remember) and has been unable to make her usual weekly visits to a massage therapist, chiropractor, and acupuncturist. tomorrow she is going in for an MRI to see if this is the result of the cancer metastasizing in the bones in her back, which is apparently a common occurrence with people with extremely life-threatening breast cancer. basically, even people who have been using traditional treatments who this happens to die within a month or so. while I am not especially close to her, I obviously care about her and have been hoping and praying to every deity and otherworldly power I can think of that it's just a slipped disk or something. but at this point, that seems too unlikely.

not only that, but I am even more upset by how, at the risk of sounding harsh, selfish this is of her. she has a three year old son and a husband who cannot support him. not to mention my brother and I, her stepsons, who by proxy have even gotten our mother and her partner emotionally involved. I have talked with her and my father several times about how worried I am for her and how obvious it has rapidly become to a sort of-outsider's perspective that this treatment, plain and simple, isn't working. I can't even begin to describe how I feel. I am scared. I am worried. I am beyond frustrated and angry and fearful for her future and that of my whole family.

I don't really know what I'm looking for here. obviously there's really nothing I can do at this point but that's pretty hard to accept to say the least in this situation, and not to mention with an anxiety disorder or so to boot. I guess I just need an outlet because I am emotionally completely fucking spent. I'm having a hard time talking to anyone and I'm considering calling in sick for work this weekend. I'm at my mom's house right now and I will probably not go over to my dad's tomorrow because I genuinely don't know if I can handle being around them.

if you read all of this, thanks. I really honestly appreciate it.

-- Sam

[missrowan]

I hope you're eating a normal diet now after your body obviously reacted negatively to the plant-based one. It isn't selfish to look out for your own health because it's important. If your dad and step mom react badly, just tell them you support them but it's really necessary for you to keep up your marks and continue being healthy?

Hope things look up for you.

[harmsalmon]

I started doing that a month or so ago, thank you for your concern though. yeah, on the diet I ended up weighing 95 lbs at my lightest (I'm 5'6") so..... yeah I really had no choice but to not subject myself to that. I've since gained about 15 lbs back but I'm still severely underweight (though I was before anyway) and my immune system is not near back up to par quite yet. getting a job and living walking distance from an international market has been good to me though, not to mention spending more time at my less-crazy mom's house.

[freddy]

When you're on chemotherapy/bed-ridden with a shitty appetite and diminished taste-buds, you're going to need all the calories and nutrition you can get or the oncologist will throw you a feeding-tube if a patient is underweight with malnutrition, especially if you can't drink enough meal-replacement nutrition/caloric-dense "Ensure" milk. Plant-based-new-age-diets with hippie teas and herbal extracts need to be explicated noted and stated to the doc as well because its potency can counteract with the chemopharmacology agents and the respective threshold/tolerances based on day-to-day monitoring of one's vitals and overall "health". This could be a compelling rationale to assert here. But I'm sure her oncologist will tell her that already when the time comes. Choice is hers just sayin'

[adhi]

uhh... hey guys!

long time no see.

i see that a lot has changed, and a lot has not really.

i'm back because i missed *the guys* but i'm not sure who is active and who isn't. did any of the regular users die? that would be sad.

how is everyone? how many 'new' people are there? anyone remember me? lol

edit: is cameron still a cool yet eccentric guy? is trashpile(oderdek?) still deep, intense, and hilarious at the same time? is bela's deadpan still... dead? is zach even on this forum? what about our dear chode? what happened to huhwot, and disby?

god, it's been a loooong time.

[kyung]

i'm sitting at a light waiting for it turn green on my way to work when i notice in my rearview mirror that this guy driving towards me isnt really slowing down at all. at this point i'm just watching him and my inevitable fate (no room to go forward as there was a car in front of me) and i notice his fucking eyes are closed, his EYES ARE CLOSED. he slams into me (thankfully i didnt hit the car in front of me) and this happens

now i have no way to work (because i work as a delivery person) while my car is getting repaired and im worried about how much my insurance is going to cost me cause of this. i was so close to fucking unloading on the guy for being an idiot because the past week has sucked enough already. this is the third accident i've been in this year so far (two of which werent my fault) and the whole universe is out to get me blah blah blah

the bright side is no one got majorly hurt (i have a headache, but i suppose that was from the stress of the situation) and we were both able to cooperate with the police and get out of there relatively quickly

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>:|

[hunnish]

If it's his fault and that was covered in the police report then his insurance should be paying for all repairs and your premium shouldn't increase. Also, his insurance should cover a rental until yours is repaired considering a car is necessary for your job. Similar thing happened to me and I got a rental on the other guy's dime.

[oldtrailmix]

some states, like michigan, are no-fault. this is exactly as stupid as it sounds. no matter how obvious it is that the accident is the fault of one driver you're both going to cover your own expenses. basically something like ^ that can happen and both of your insurance premiums could go up.

[ramseames]

so you have to sue anyone who hits your car? thats so fucked.

[kyung]

lashing out at people you care about because of misplaced anger/frustration sucks

[Prince of Scandinavia]

I came to my hometown almost a month ago because of summer vacation and met a girl I used to think was out my my league, back when I was in high school, fat and lonely. Things have changed and we hit it off a few days before we went to a festival together. We hooked up a few times in her tent and had a great time even though bad planning and communication on the festival. Now when we're back and I have nothing to do, I'm starting to feel it slip. We both like each other but we also know that it won't last and it's just a summer fling. Still I feel like I want to do more this summer with her, but she's working a lot and I have nothing to do in this town. It seems as if all the "moving away and coming back a new man" made me attractive and now when it kind of has faded, then I'm back to my old me but in a better shape and with a few more things in my backpack. I'm not sure how to works all of this out.

[donut_milk]

Feels really weird that my best friend is getting married in 20 days and a bunch of other friends are already married/have kids. But I guess this is what happens when you're nearing 30.

[silvaeri]

i've tentatively setup up a coffee date with a girl from tinder. not expecting much but i'm pretty fucking proud of myself for talking to someone new and getting out there. been in a funk since my breakup months ago and it feels nice to be getting away from that.

[hooplah]

car got towed this morning and I had a fucking emotional breakdown. in the past month I've spent a grand (money I can't spare) on my fucking car in maintenance, tickets, registration, smog tests, etc. I am so fucking over los angeles, never liked this city to begin with and now after four years, I think I am completely done.

if y'all know of any marketing/ad jobs in new york, holla at yo girl