Feelings

[hirokinakamura]

I don't like my job.

As many of you know, I recently started working at the Real McCoys store that just opened. on paper this should an awesome job. I love the brand, the pay is almost twice what I made at the gap, the hours are good (I don't have to wake up too early and I dont come home too late), and for the most part I just chill by myself browsing the internet for 8 hours,

And yet I dread going to work in a way I never did at the gap. I didnt get paid a lot sure and I always talked shit about it but when I went to work I always knew I would have the couple friends there that made the time lighthearted. When I come here theres no one like that, no one that shares common interests with me.

And I hate my boss. Its irrational and unreasonable, I recognise that, but it doesnt change the fact that I do. Hes anal retentive sure but hes not a terror. Its just, when he talks to me or even looks at me, I just feel this smug condescension and I want to punch him in the face. Hes an average middle age white guy but he just grinds my gears, seemingly for no reason.

Am I crazy for thinking like this? Or am I just trying to convince myself its okay because the reality isnt like the ideal at all?

Ive been working here for like 4 weeks and I'm already going around looking for a new job.

[JtotheWhat]

I have been in this situation before, you basically have two choices (and I know you probably know this).. you can either acknowledge that some of your feelings probably aren't rational and make a conscious decision to try and approach the job with a positive attitude for the next while and see if it turns around.

Or just decide it's not worth the effort and find another job. I have had a couple of jobs I gave up on and later regretted not putting it a more solid effort, so it might be worth it to stick it out for a bit before giving up. 1 month isn't very long.

[freddy]

Fuck it. Who cares. Let's be real. We're real. 4real. Care-tags is the most realist place on the internet.

So apparently, Abilify is one of the atypical antipsychotics that have the most reported side-effects; you need Benadyril and something else to counteract the restlessness and expected symptoms idk (there's another drug that takes a portion of bendryril without the anti-histamine-activation tired/restlessness). Like yeah my faces was making all sorts of Drew Carey movements and shit. I was getting real restless and fatigue, so I took a walk outside from my program and I went on to go back home to knock the fuck out - it was hard to focus. My symptoms got worse last evening with a "tight chest" and zsdfalkjsdf. Ironically right when I left and took a hike, it was then that my psychatrist wanted to talk about my updates and perhaps prescribe me a Benadryil equivalent to counteract potential symptoms I was experiencing, but of course, I left!!

And because it was a seven-day script from being discharged from my voluntary hospitalization; my psychatrist held her script for a 30 day supply until the end of the week - probably because I mentioned to her that some guy I knew who became an addict wanted one of my Seroquel. I think she wanted me to cycle through my own 7 day script to monitor for side-effects like these, so she may switch me to something else - and not overprescribe me. However abilify stays in my body for 96 hours, building up from the previous doses, which is why I found it weird that I had symptoms heading out the door again today, and panicked trying to call folks in my program when they aren't reachable (my doc has no direct number only temporary one if she's situated at my program and only a inbound resident pager/voicemail, where she then calls back off-program hours). Because she also wanted to up my dosage to 7.5 mg, my insurance did not approve it at the last minute, which we didn't find out 'til the last minute because of the 2.5 increment (wtf?). I

They then in turn sent an override 3 day prescription and my pharmacy called late today saying that they can't even approve that!

The weekend is coming up and I don't have any more meds lol - there was so much back-and-forth communication from my doc, pharmacist, etc. - she doesn't have a central line because she's a resident that just intensified things. Things are going to be fine, I'll just have to start at 5 mg next week rather to "build up" rather than semi-expontentially increase it to 7.5 mg. With all this bureaucracy, I've thought that man, I should be noise-candying it up to relieve this bs, but oh wait, my brain is already like that and without the meds, I will slowly lose the anti-psychotic tolerance and become American Psycho.

I'll be fine. There's just a lot of frustration because things have calmed down now that I have closure and feeling less unreality nowadays (boringness). I'm already giving the program a lot of grief (especially for considering a second opinion last Tuesday elsewhere) - IDK how I'll be come Monday and next week wth the program (I've missed a lot of it) if I revert back to more psychosis and them not being psychodynamic enough about my issues (all this overanalyzing/thinking/resistance) in their operations - but it's their job to deal with me and this

[Stingray Sam]

I think i know enough to be able to confidently say that he's probably at risk for committing a sex crime. Given that i have a couple of first hand accounts of people saying that they thought there was distinct possibility that he might kill them while they were having sex with him.

[freddy]

It sounds like you're really peeved about the injustices of such mishaps; I would feel the same way - it would irk the shit out of me. This sounds like a tough dilemma to be in; to help or not to help; and what to do exactly and how to serve justice - let alone the worthiness of participating? I just want to caution you to if you're playing the "rescue fantasy" here - it's up to people to stand up for themselves, whilst intervention is great, whats even better is empowering your friends and spheres of influence about the XYZ. This guy is only one isolated incident(s) - you're essentially fighting a troll if you give in. Honestly, I would just be on the defensive and protect your friends, but avoid instigating by escalating conflict when it's not "in your face" sort of presence.

I think when you get out of HS, you will see a lot of shit that would warrant your concern with others (like addict/homeless friends), but it would be best left without doing some overriding intervention that make provoke and instigate things too much. If he's actually a creep, you're essentially playing the cat-and-mouse game too. It's best to give good advice and recommendations, forewarnings about other people - and let them tackle things for themselves. Reputation does matter, and I'm sure his creepsters with skeevy behaviors will not go unnoticed beyond HS and anywhere really. His reputation has already reached you, and I'm sure he'll reach a tipping point the farther he goes in life.

I know it irks you and that your friend may be irrational for not wanting to come out, but that's also a reflection of one's desires as well. Perhaps you can convince the better half of your friend or something to come out - and that's what would seem the most fruitful than to tackle the guy head-on, especially if you really have no beef or dirt on him other than representing your friend. This not necessarily to say that we're to enable him, but unfortunately you'll realize social adult life is rife with politics as well, like "none of your business" (denial) response that you may get if you try to subvert/undermine him through non-conventional means. (e.g. facebook, telling his parents)

[Stingray Sam]

Yeah that's what i've been thinking. And from what i've heard no one has had a comfortable or pleasant experience having sex with him. It's incredibly frustrating to watch this negatively impact so many people. I've tried to convince my friend to come out about the rape, but she's dealt with so much bad shit in her life (prior instances of abuse, eating disorders, substance abuse) that I don't think having her come out publicly about being raped would be the best idea. I just know that unless he messes with the wrong person he's going to have to do something absolutely terrible for anything to be done. And by that point i think he'd be lost, and just end up being completely fucked up for the rest of his life. I don't hate him and would much rather see him get past these issues, but there's no way that would ever happen in the justice system. I would much rather see him go through therapy or some sort of transformative experience that prevents him from hurting someone in the first place. I suppose that all that i can do is just hope that he figures it out before he ruins someone else's life. I think the most frustrating part is that as far as i know no one has actually confronted him about his behavior. No one's said to him that they felt like he was going to hurt them if they said no. No one's told him that him choking them until almost the point of passing out is not okay. I think that speaks volumes about the society that we live and I just wish there was a way to change it immediately so that people don't have to deal with this sort of thing.

/rant

anyways hopefully he doesn't permanently ruin anyone's life

[freddy]

I think the isolation part as a newcomer guy can play a role as well. If you're not a fit, then you're just not a fit. Perhaps feeling isolated at the workplace despite its inherent better benefits causes you to hyper-focus onto your boss - that you have to respect his authority for being on the lowly totem pole? - which in you deem as condescending? There's always going to be feuds and disharmony in retail; personality clashes and interlock - it's the luck of the draw for such a people-facing social savvy position/job - as fashion retail and sales I reckon is paramount in interpersonal relations/communications. I'd put in your time even though it sucks just for the sake of experience and try to get poached elsewhere. You have a great thing representing you, but obviously not necessarily so operationally there - but it can be a selling piece to talk-up when shifting into another gig.

Maybe other industry folks find him the same way too ya know.

[freddy]

Crazy idea. It just seems like no one is willing to stand up in your social sphere in relation to him. Maybe you can "befriend" and/or ally with him instead? Then you can serve as a pivotal point to have first-sight in forewarning his bothersome doings to your friends in advance; and whilst with such friendship with him, you can help him through with all the aforementioned positive things you'd like to see him do! I mean what about his other friends as well?!!

Either that or just confront the guy, if not, move on and help those whom you can. It is like mental health and psychotherapy. Them workers need to have a life of their own despite seeing all the unresolved social madness and disharmonies in the world out there. (including creepy rapists ya know) Professionals and paraprofessionals can only do so much even if they devote their life to their profession.

But if you can do something and not quite succeed to where you want, that's okay, you've probably set the path for the next person to take it to higher heights. And you have tried no one can fault you for anything here, if not, it may inspire others to rise above. But who's willing to do it and take the first initiative? Perhaps another guy I suppose, which isn't entirely to sell yourself short here as well, because your timing and position here is kind of in flux with the situation as you're not a target nor victim of his collectively perceived issues.

[harmsalmon]

so some of you guys may remember me talking about my stepmom's battle with breast cancer on here a while ago. I don't really know how much it matters to update my internet world on it but I'm going to anyway (hopefully more concisely this time). basically she is beyond the point of recovery right now. she went to a clinic in Reno to receive chemo which apparently helped a little, but at that point "a little" wasn't really enough, so she and my dad flew back here and she's currently in an extended care facility.

I've visited her twice in the past week and she's doing..... pretty bad to say the least. the cancer metastasized in her liver which is now bloating (and crowding out her lungs, making her breathing irregular) and not functioning correctly, and the resulting toxins in her body are causing mild brain damage. on top of this, she's been too weak to eat for a little while so she is literally just skin on bones at this point, which was really upsetting to see because once she got back in town I hadn't seen her for over a month and wasn't expecting it to be nearly as bad as it was.

I went to go visit her today and brought some paintings to hang up in her room, but unfortunately I didnt get to talk with her as she was knocked out from pain meds. at this point we're not really sure if that will change anytime soon as her strength is rapidly declining and she may pass even within the next few weeks. that sounds crazy to say to me, it all just seems really more surreal than anything to me, especially since she's only 38. my dad also cried in front of me today for the first time that I can remember; their 6th wedding anniversary is in just a few days. as juvenile as it sounds, just so much crap going on right now that reminds me how unfair life (or death) can be.

[harmsalmon]

Nicole passed away peacefully earlier this morning. thank you for your kind words, everybody.

[brlmski]

my heart goes out to my friend who is very obviously super into my other friend and she's having none of it.

[kyung]

[brlmski]

Was walking with some friends yesterday and someone I know was walking the other way and I didn't notice her waving to me until we almost passed each other and I hope she saw me wave back and doesn't just think I'm just a huge dick ._.

[purkinje]

Blacked out at a dorm party at some point last night and woke up in my friend's room without my backpack or glasses. We searched four different rooms after piecing our timeline of the previous night back together and still haven't found either. First really dumb thing I've done here so far but it's not the end of the world and luckily there wasn't anything important in my backpack at the time. Picked up a black Rothco pack that will take its place. Glasses are a little more worrisome. I can still see up close fine. Hopefully they'll turn up sooner or later. If not I might check out some Oliver Peoples x The Soloist frames. Made out with a friend's friend at some point but they both laughed it off in the morning. Somehow the postmans I was wearing made it out in pristine condition.

[purkinje]

update someone found my glasses crisis averted

[ramseames]

[wax]

my old PC died last fortnight taking all my fit pics from 2010-2013 to the grave with it. And a bunch of music. And all my game saves too. I'm mostly annoyed about not being able to finish telltale's The Walking Dead, I'd finished up until ep 4 season 2. everything else is replaceable. But yeah, remember to backup your shit guys.

I had to get surgery last week following some ongoing health problems and my quality of life looks to be pretty trash for the next few months or so. At least I'm not dying or anything, always a silver lining. There's a cut-out from a magazine on my fridge which says 'he who has good health is rich, though he knows it not' - it's been on there since 2005 but this is the first time in a few years that i've really noticed it.

PS opiates r great

[schiaparelli]

[freddy]

[jvstnh]

Feels good to finally be at school after being off since may, but still a little scary since i'm a transfer from a tiny community college and now go to a competitive university. At least I live in a huge on campus housing complex solely for transfers so meeting new people has been pretty easy and I have an ocean view so that's nice too.

[smiles]

The protests have gotten me feeling all weepy, not really sure why. Everything is impressively ordered and peaceful. People are picking up trash from the protest sites.

[IsaiahSchafer]

Entering week 3 of my job from home. Starting to make some good money, anywhere from 8-18$/hr depending on time of day, etc. Just dropped wife at the airport so she can go to the shop.org summit in seattle- she'll be on the floor demonstrating what we both do from home, talking with existing/potential clients, partying in the space needle, it's pretty exciting for her. Meanwhile I feel like a schmuck because I miss her so much already.

[zayg]

so much school stuff, job application stress, perpetual tiredness, relationship troubles, and the anxiety that comes with the last few days counting down to HOCKEY SEASON yet i'm not really unhappy. i can't say i'm not overwhelmed tho

[insect]

I'm averaging 14 hour days for school and my girlfriend is away on a volunteer trip for another 5 months in Saskatchewan/Peru. Plus, I'm trying to sell all my clothes and people keep offering then flaking 1 hour later. At least I got some Yohji tees in the mail and Ramones should be coming in a week or so.

[IsaiahSchafer]

I do customer product chats for American Apparel. The wage isn't hourly, but per chat- traffic depends on time of day, sales going on, etc. When it's slow, I just watch tv, and when it's busy I'm still just chatting about clothes so, win-win.

[freddy]

i was carrying my stool sample all around town today and apparently I didn't any directions nor the hours to drop-off to my pcp, so when I got to the place the lab had close in the evening. So much for bringing it around town and to my other doc appointment at a diff hospital today as well as stopping by the market to pick up guac to eat for a quick to-go dinner trying to rush to the damn place.

edit: I accidentally grabbed a plastic knife and afterwards I ate my guac with it and i dropped that too getting off the subway

i'm at the library and I still have the damn vials with me. jesus - finished the guac tho

[tomsfood]

A close family friend was recently arrested for some things that are extremely unlike his normal character and it's hitting me kind of hard. He is likely going to lose his job which he loves and the incident may affect custody of his kids who are pretty much what he lives for. He has been dealing with deaths and sickness of his family for a few months, as well as a bunch of other bad situations recently, and while I know that's no excuse, it just makes it an overall shitty situation for the guy. He has been my dad's best friend since elementary school and I grew up visiting him all the time. He's one of the nicest people I know and is an incredible father. I have no idea how this could have happened. Reading news articles about it they make him seem like some sort of creepy horrible criminal and I know that's not what he's like. I hope he ends up alright, the whole thing just makes me sad. Just goes to show how doing one shitty thing one time can screw with your life.

[Indieguy]

Seems silly when I think about it, but I lost an auction for an Acne coat and now I'm feeling down. :/ I don't like emotions caused by anticipation.

[breakadawn]

Some happier feels -

My girlfriend and I were getting all melancholy about not being able to see each other, and after she said that she's never had the feelings she has about me with anyone else before, I asked her if she loved me. She said yes, I said yes. Fuck yes. I'm in such a good place right now and just wanted to share

We're doing long-distance over the Atlantic at the moment which is very tough, but what just happened makes me 10x more confident that we'll make it through and be able to enjoy life together next year!

[Indieguy]

in my despair I bought a J. Lindeberg coat instead for about 60 bucks more than the Acne one would have cost. Not really my most thought through decision, but hey I hope it works out.