Feelings

[BobbyZamora]

"I think we should take a break"

[zayg]

dude that's rough, i've been feeling like i need to be the ones to say those words but worse, and i don't know how

hang in there

[freddy]

true story, i said almost that to a girl who had the hots for me afterwards when I couldn't get a boner during unsuspected sexytimes -- I didn't hit her back up until a year later because of my insecurities, though her in confusion and me with loathsome self-pity. that was two years ago.

(to be fair, I didn't know I was schizophrenic back then with low libido either D:)

[schiaparelli]

(sobering personal stuff follows)

i've been having awkward struggles with my anxiety medication for a few months—one of the side effects of anti-anxiety stuff is that they can increase anxiety, and i would get this horrible panic attack every time i took my prescription and basically be out of commission for the next day or so (i never get them normally). and two different psychiatrists kept on trying to get me to increase my dose or take a sedative thing along with my prescription and it didn't help at all (+ baseline anxiety of fearing a panic attack), and whenever i talked to non-prescribing medical professionals about how stressed i was with my medication they'd just say "well, you have to take it, it has to be in your bloodstream, it's prescribed". i fully understand that they can't tell me any differently but it felt awful, like everyone around me was telling me my symptoms were not legitimate or my stress about my symptoms was not legitimate.

but anyways i talked to someone new this week and she said, "no, you should stop taking that. i'm going to give you this new thing and i would say that if you have those symptoms again, it's ok to just stop it and tell me, and we can switch off or just stay at a low dose for a long time so you can get used to it." it was so calming to be treated like a rational person. i'm feeling optimistic.

psychiatric drugs are just so weird

[sidewalk]

polo

[Suquida]

Well I'm thoroughly enjoying this

[smiles]

If you go through life getting all resentful when people react badly to you 'telling it real' you're in for a bad time. You'll walk around feeling like everyone hates you when really I mostly feel pity, and a bit embarrassed.

I hope you can work out whatever problems you're dealing with in your life.

Is that straightforward enough?

[blankinput]

sidewalk:

[youtube]PEOBr0uajJI&autoplay=1[/youtube]

[silvaeri]

terrifying feelings right now where i'm not sure if i even want to do a job related to my major and i don't feel like i developed any real employable skills these past 4 (soon to be 5 years) of school and have no idea what the hell i'm doing with my life.

maybe i'll say fuck it and try and do bike delivery or some shit for a while after school.

[zayg]

im way too high for this shit

fucking lol

[sidewalk]

[zayg]

in a turn of events, now i'm too sober for this shit

gj sidewalk gj

[JewTurk]

College!

(picture of scholarship info, covers all of my tuition (smiling)))))

Yay!

They started sending out scholarships on the 1st of October and two days later I got my full ride. So I'm ecstatic to say the least.

Never been this genuinely happy, to be honest. I just have no stress whatsoever right now and that feels too goodl

[schiaparelli]

my excitement for you extends beyond the rep comment character limit

not having student debt (or having a small amount) means that you have the freedom to make decisions about your field of study and courseload and post-college plans without an immense weight of financial responsibility. super happy that it worked out well for you!

[eli7]

I'm just going to write this here.

I've been house-sitting/dog-sitting for my aunt and uncle up in the woods for a bit now.

Tonight I was sitting in the den, and behold! A hornet is smacking into the light bulb above me. I go into the other room, thinking I'll just smack the shit out of it with a dust pan. As I'm calmly walking back into the room I see something on the window frame, thinking it's just some filth or something. I take a closer look. HORNETS!!!!! Gathered together like a colony of penguins. Or a pine cone of hornets sleeping in a nest. Like ~30+ of them. I admit, I kind of lost my shit but soon remembered I should probably just address the problem. It's like 9pm at this point so I just quarantined the room and sealed off the doors. I'll just call somebody in the morning to deal with them because they're in a precarious position above of electronics I don't want to destroy.

adlssjadjsjf now I'm seeing phantom hornets everywhere

[hunnish]

Gay marriage is legal in Virginia as of 58 minutes ago!

edit: and also in Utah, Oklahoma, Wisconsin, and Indiana!

[schiaparelli]

1. who's the lucky guy
2. where's my invitation
3. what's the dress code

[freddy]

I'm not sure about you but psychopharm/medication management visits are usually briefer (30 minutes) and don't meet as frequently as say serious psychotherapy -- where it can be 2-3 times a week. Biological psychiatrists can be patronizing because they aren't necessarily "talk therapists" -- they see one lope-sided perspective and can someone come off as trying to coerce you, because they are adamant about psychopharmcological interventions (medication), without being gung-ho about establishing a therapeutic alliance and synchronicity, as such with a more psychodynamic clinician (as in being able to listen to your issues and empathize rather than being deductive about your qualms). Simply, they are trained and can come off as thinking that a pill is the "magical cure" transcending about your day-to-day woes.

It's a chicken and/or the egg problem. And you wonder why psychiatrists and mental health field get a bad wrap. And you wonder why some people feel dis-favorable after visiting and taking their prescribe medications. The human element is important, and I think psychiatrists with their medical-model reductionist backgrounds can often forget that in what I reckon is the most human-human relationship out there as far as specialties goes.

For what it's worth, there's dynamic psychiatry that may likely provide a better experience, but it's few and far in between

[insect]

got home to find that they had attempted to deliver my ramones 15 minutes earlier and that i was being charged 200 dollars in import fees

looks like im gonna have to sell more of my stuff

[nevergreen]

my dog recently has not been in such good shape he can barely walk by himself he shits out liquid constantly and for the past couple of weeks i knew he'd have to be put down (honestly surprised we waited this long) but today my parents are putting him down and a little while ago i left for the day and said bye to him for the last time and it hit me and i got all sad

this dog has been in my family for almost 3/4 of my life and i've had to put a dog down before but i was 7? 8? didn't really understand it then

[uxjtsu]

Haven't posted in a while. Just came back from a trip to England for one week to visit my sick grandparents. :(

[omgimacarrot]

Hey guys/gals haven't been around here in quite a while. Need a break from clothes because it was becoming too much. Gradually easing myself back into it and getting back to basics.

Graduated college which is cool, but riding the unemployment train sucks. Feeling pretty much useless right now. I've had about 15 interviews, most just telling me that my experiences are great, I'm very qualified, but they're pursuing someone else (I've had 3 internships). I've been writing on the side (english major) so at least I'm staying in the game somewhat. Everyone tells me being 22-23 is a weird time because your life is just up in the air and nothing is solidified which explains why my depression is kicking my ass. I don't know, sorry for the rant. Hope everyone is well though!

[g2x222]

[yoyobeat]

[ramseames]

being a regular at a bar is the best thing ever

[Stingray Sam]

So I'm 25% owner in a start up i'm working on right now with my dad and a friend, we're just starting to work with two companies on brand identity, naming etc. and the one with a better product will be our choice for web design. This whole experience has just been amazingly exciting, it's nice to finally get out and see the real world of business and realize that it's not all that foreign. It's also really nice to be able to bring something to the table and have insight on our business and business plan that is legitimately helpful and will be implemented. Hopefully we'll get our LLC agreements and bank accounts out of the way soon so we can start prototyping product. I'm really happy with where I am right now and can't wait to show everyone our business and (hopefully) super cool website. =]

[Stingray Sam]

Sorry for the double post, but i forgot to add that I am also involved with a charity right now that is super amazing. I'm tutoring low income kids at a local community center with them right now and also just generally helping out and getting involved. Right now we're in the process of buying a really cool old building in the area where this charity focuses on helping people that has sat vacant since the 50s. We're going to turn it into a soul food restaurant with the president of the charity being the head chef. All profits from the restaurant are going back to the charity and we might use the building as a space to do tutoring stuff too. We've got a local university involved too and we were in the paper about a month ago. The building is amazing, it's got a really cool old vintage sign, cool roll up doors it's all block and all block glass windows with brick cladding on the front. It's going to be awesome to invest back into a community that really doesn't have much investment going on in it.

[silvaeri]

got a twofer.

first, one of my good friends was involved in a cycling accident this past sunday while we were both participating in a local alleycat race. He was heading north at pretty good speed (estimated 20mph or so) while a towncar was heading south and proceeded to turn left right in front of my friend without signaling. My friend had no time to react and slammed into the side of the towncar, shattered their passenger side window, snapped his bike in two and rolled up and over the car and landed on the drivers side. My friend then weakly said, "Please stop, I think I might be really hurt" and the fucker just drove off down the street.

i can't stop thinking about this and it's honestly impacting my desire to ride a bit. it terrifies me that there are people like this on the road, inattentive/distracted/dumb/bad drivers, it terrifies me because this is something i can't control when i'm out riding. my friend was one of the safest and most respected cyclists i know, and he still got hit for reasons outside his control. in my mind it's no longer "if i get hit" but "when will i get hit". i'm scared to be the person lying on ground after a collision. there have been far far far too many incidents (and subsequent ghost bikes) here in the past few years, and i've seen too many of my friends get hit. fuck.


second, there's this really cool girl that i'm extremely into and i'm getting vibes back that she feels the same. this is fantastic and i'm super happy about the potential going forward. but at the same time i feel weird because i've kind of been thinking about my ex within the past couple days, and it's not in any sense of desire to want to get back with her or anything, but more like a weird nostalgia where i'll think about aspects of that relationship and her and memories and i get a slight feeling of longing. i don't want a relationship (outside of being friends still) with her, and it just makes for a weird mix of feelings right now.


these two things combined make for a really weird feeling few days. i just needed to get this all down on paper so to say, helps clear my head a little.

[ramseames]

[Stingray Sam]

I'd love to tell you guys what it's about, but we think it's an awesome idea, have no competition and are pretty much creating a new market in the United States so we want to keep people who might copy us from knowing about it until we're so far ahead of them that they can't possibly catch up. The site should launch around January so I'll probably be telling you guys everything about our business then.