by sparkyoriental » Wed Jan 20, 2016 4:26 pm
I'm going to preface this post with - I've been posting too much, sorry. I love y'all and I'm happy to be active on c-t again!
I've been with my boyfriend for about 1.5 years now. Things are okay. They were better before, and over the past 3-4 months the relationship has been stale and full of bickering and fights. We agreed a week ago that we'd take things slow, and we'd both actively work on our individual issues that had infiltrated into our relationship and caused problems.
I'm working really hard on trying to be nicer to everyone around me, and to work on my patience and thoughtfulness. I often say things without thinking, and although I am rarely intentionally hurtful, lately I've been a jerk to the people I care about. So all this self improvement is happening. I'm meditating, trying to make new friends, exercising, and getting back into my hobbies.
The problem is, I am SO full of jealousy right now. I don't think I'm a particularly jealous person so these feelings are unwanted and foreign. My boyfriend has an (objectively) amazing ex-girlfriend who is also a coworker and now friend. I never particularly cared about her existence until recently. They see each other socially, talk, text, etc. None of this bothered me until our relationship started becoming rocky. Suddenly, I feel inferior to her. In my head, whenever he brings up some conversation they had at work or something random about her (this doesn't happen very often, once every 2 weeks max usually), I feel terrible. All the little insecurities I've worked on and now no longer think about have resurfaced and I find myself comparing myself with his ex-girlfriend on a regular basis. I keep thinking about how she's smarter, funnier, prettier, cooler, nicer, and a better person than I am. In a lot of ways, she is ____ than I am! Or this new, crazy jealous person that I am now thinks she is. I know that comparisons like that are useless and counterproductive, but I keep thinking about them.
I know I need to chill out. I know that this jealousy is an issue that I need to work on individually, and if I don't work on it, it's going to start to negatively affect my relationship. I just don't know how to calm my thoughts, relax, and enjoy my partner. :(